Disclaimer: I do not and will not and have never owned My Chemical Romance, the members of the band or anything relating to them besides a copy of their album. This story never happened and is fake. Don't sue me.

***

Cathy was wandering around the streets of New York, wondering what she would do with her new freedom. The first thing that came to mind was that she was homeless and jobless. The first thing she would need to do was find a job or else she'd never find a home with no money.

Cathy was a 16 year old from Pennsylvania who had just been emancipated. Her parents were upset with her decision and had thrown her out of the house. Taking all her money out of her bank account and a bag of clothes, she bought a ticket to New York City.

Her stomach began to growl so she headed into the first deli she passed and bought a hoagie and waked out in a few minutes, gnawing at the first thing she had eaten in two days.

As she waited at the end of a crosswalk, she saw a sign taped to a building on the other side of the street. 'Roadies and Techs Wanted. Apply Inside.' The sign read. Cathy had no other options so when the signal to walk, flashed, she crossed the street and headed straight inside the building.

It was cool inside compared to the warm weather outside. Cathy went to the desk in the middle of the large room. It was a nice building but she had no clue what the hell it was for.

"Name please?" a lady behind the desk asked as Cathy approached her. "Catherine Gable, but I'm here because of the sign outside." She said. The woman flipped through some folders for a few moments and handed a clipboard with an application on it to her.

"Fill these out, kid." The lady said and started answering the phones that were constantly ringing.

*3 Weeks Later*

Cathy had her bag of clothes and was on a bus to New Jersey. She had got a job as a roadie and was heading to some place in New Jersey to meet up with the band she'd be working for. It was My Chemical Romance and Cathy had never heard of them but she was grateful to have a job and she didn't even have to worry about paying an apartment while she was on tour with these guys. She was going to be staying on a tour bus with some other roadies.

When she had gotten to the bus station she got off the bus, suddenly feeling nervous. She had to find her way to the address given to her. She figured she'd just take a cab and when she walked out on the street, she got a cab after a few minutes of waiting and was soon on her way to her next destination.

It was only a ten minute ride and the address was actually someone's house. There were two buses parked along the sidewalk. One looked like shit and the other was incredibly nice.

"Hey, are you Catherine?!" someone yelled to her, coming out of the house. Cathy nodded and walked up to the person. He had long black hair and pale skin. She had no clue who he was.

"You're fucking late, you're lucky we didn't leave without you're sorry ass!" the person yelled in her face. Cathy was shocked. Back at home no one ever yelled at her like that.

"Let's go kid." The person said and started walking to the buses. He led her on the shitty bus and told her to find a bunk and walked off the bus.

Cathy looked around the bus only to find other people staring at her. "You must be the newbie." A girl said, sitting on a cramped couch with two other people. Cathy nodded and the girl stood up, "I'm Sara. Back room is mine and my boyfriend's, so stay the fuck out of there and stay out of my way." She said, shaking Cathy's hand.

"I'm Todd." The guy sitting next to Sara said. Cathy figured that was Sara's boyfriend since they were cuddled with each other. "And I'm Greg." The boy next to Todd said. And there were 4 people sitting at the small table. They introduced themselves as Paul, Matt, Anna, and Steve.

"I'm-" Cathy started, about to introduce herself when she was hit in the face with a paper ball and Sara said, "We don't fucking care!"

Cathy was on the verge of tears. She had never been treated so horribly in her life if only for a few minutes but she was going to be with these people for the next year, just living on a bus.

*Three Days Later*

Cathy had hardly settled at all. There were no bunks on the bus left for her and she was stuck sleeping on the couch. She had no food because no one had told her that they had to buy their own food.

That night was going to be Cathy's first show. She was nervous, not sure what she was going to do about her hunger situation and if she would be good enough for the job.

"Everyone off the bus!" Sara yelled a few minutes after the bus had stopped at the venue. Cathy got off the couch and was the first one off the bus. As she stepped off the bus she bumped into the guy that had screamed at her for being late.

"Watch it, kid." He said and pushed her and she fell back against the bus. "Dick." She mumbled to herself and wondered what the hell she was supposed to do.

The bus door opened and everyone else got off the bus. "Come on, kid." Anna said. She was the only one kind enough to show Cathy the hang of things and she took a liking to Anna. But Anna didn't necessarily like Cathy, she just wanted her to get the job done right and not get in anyone's way.

Anna showed Cathy had to set up the merchandise stand and what to do when the doors opened and people started buying things. There was another band on the tour and that meant another merchandise stand. Unfortunately, Sara had gotten to them and they did nothing but ignore Cathy.


"Anna?" Cathy asked, while folding shirts. "What do you want?" she asked coldly. Cathy swallowed nothing, suddenly afraid to ask the question that was burning in her mind, "Why do you all hate me?"

Anna glared at Cathy, "Listen, kid, we didn't want you, ok? We don't need you but the fucking record label doesn't give us much of a choice. You're just in the god damn way."

Cathy nodded and went back to work silently. She eyed the tip jar on the table. That must be why Anna didn't want her around. Everything put in that jar had to be split between the two of them and Anna obviously was used to getting the whole thing.

"Hey, girls!" a guy yelled and came over to the table. He had glasses and messy brown hair and he had a bag in hand and put it down as he stepped to the table. He oddly resembled the guy with the long black hair but Cathy didn't say anything.

"Mikey!" Anna squealed and jumped on him and gave him a hug. "How was your summer, Anna?" the guy, now identified as Mikey, asked. Anna let out an overdramatic sigh, "I was on the Warped Tour but it was so boring after you guys left for Japan."

Mikey laughed and ruffled Anna's hair, "Sorry, but I got you something for Japan." He said, smirking. Anna jumped for joy, "What is it?!" she begged.

Cathy watched out of the corner of her eye as she folded more shirts. Mikey took the bag he had brought and put it on the table and took out a folded piece of maroon and black cloth. She unfolded it and it was a Japanese style dress. Cathy thought it was amazing and just stared at it. Mikey looked at Anna and then turned to look at Cathy and caught her staring at the dress.

"Hey, there." He said to Cathy. Cathy blushed and waved shyly and immediately went back to folding shirts.

"Oh, don't bother with her. She's the new girl." Anna told Mikey. "Whatever." Mikey said and told Anna he had to go for a quick practice. Anna thanked him for the dress before he turned and left.

"Are you two dating?" Cathy asked as Anna held the dress against her body and twirled around. She glared at Cathy, "No, but that doesn't give you any right to hit on him."

Cathy remained silent again and finished folding the shirts and put the box under the table and got another box and started folding shirts again.

*After the Show*

Cathy had never seen anything as amazing as the show she had just saw. It was her first concert ever and she was amazed by the energy of the band she knew nothing about. She learned the names of the members of My Chemical Romance and she learned that the other band was local to the New Jersey area; they were called Rescuing Death. The girls selling merchandise for Rescuing Death were Gina and April.

As soon as the show had ended, Anna told Cathy to put all the things back in their boxes after most of the crowd has left. She did as she was told and sold a few shirts before packing everything back in the boxes and brought them outside and into the truck meant for carrying equipment and merchandise.

It took Cathy nearly an hour to clean up and she was by herself. By the time she was done, nearly everyone else had retired to their buses. Cathy headed to her bus and tried to open the door but it was locked. She feebly knocked on the door, hunger making her feel weak.

No one opened the door and she kept knocking. Eventually someone opened a window and told her to get lost. Cathy suddenly felt scared. She was stuck, locked out, hungry as hell, and they all hated her just because she was there.

It had been nearly three hours and Cathy was cold. It had been a hot day but a cold night and she brought her knees to her chest. She was already getting a sore throat. She got sick easily.

She began to nod off but would catch herself before she fell asleep. Eventually she was too tired and she fell asleep with her back against the bus tire.

It only felt like a few minutes before she woke up. It must not have been long because the sun was only just rising. Cathy got up and wished she didn't. Her back and neck hurt badly. She felt like she was just hit by a train.

Cathy didn't know what to do so she started walking around. Her stomach was growling uncontrollably and she would have given anything to just have something as simple as a cheese sandwich.

Eventually there was nothing Cathy could do so she went back to the bus and sat back down on the ground and waited. She didn't know if it was possible that they could leave without her and she got scared and wanted nothing but to be on the bus.

As Cathy sat on the ground she rocked back and forth, staring blankly ahead at nothing. If someone had walked past her they would have assumed that she was insane but she was deep in thought. Thinking about her stupid mistakes. She felt so stupid to give up what she had at home even if she wasn't happen there. Heck, she wasn't happy now, that's for sure.

She thought about her parent's reaction when she told them she wanted to be emancipated about a month ago. They shrugged it off, thinking she was full of hot air, but they felt offended that she wanted to get out of their custody in such a way that embarrassed them as parents.

When Cathy was legally emancipated, she had no plans. She couldn't stay in Pennsylvania and she dropped out of school to come to New York. Now she realized it was such a stupid mistake. At least her parents gave her food and didn't lock her out but they weren't the most understanding parents.

Cathy loved her parents, it was just that they were never home and they never let her go out. They didn't trust her at all and would say things that hurt her feelings. Cathy would rather go through that then what she was dealing with currently.

It had been nearly three hours before someone came outside and it was Anna. She looked down at Cathy and looked ready to burst out laughing while keeping a straight face, "What are you doing out here?" she asked.

Cathy didn't answer. She got up and went in the bus and fell on the couch and started crying and fell asleep after a few minutes.

*1 Month Later*

The winter months were beginning and the days and nights become colder. Cathy had spent too many nights, sleeping outside on the floor and she was sick of it but no one cared about her. As long as she sold merchandise she was fine.

Anna was beginning to become a little greedy when it came to splitting the tip jar. That was the only money Cathy would get while on tour. She wasn't going to get paid until she had completed the whole tour and she really wished it was over. But Anna was supposed to split the money 50/50 but it was beginning to become more to 30/70 or sometimes more like 10/90 and Cathy was getting a little frustrated. She used the pocket change she was getting for food and she wasn't getting a lot of it. After leaving home she didn't eat much on the streets before the tour so she could save money but now on tour she was getting dangerously underweight and her clothes were getting too big for her thinning frame.

"Hey, kid, here's your share." Anna said, pushing a bunch of change across the table to Cathy. She watched as Anna pocketed a bunch of dollar bills and it took all of her control not to dive at her.

Cathy took her spare change and put it in her pocket and got up, "I'm gonna go for some food." She said. She looked at the couch and saw the smirks on everyone else;s face. She knew she was going to be locked out of the bus. It happened almost every night. The only nights it never happened was when there wasn't a show the next day and everyone would be at some bar getting wasted.

Cathy didn't go too far for food. She ended up going to a McDonald's that was across the road from the parking lot. When she went in, she was surprised to see Ray, the guitarist of My Chemical Romance.

Ray was sitting by himself, chewing on his food and looking deep in thought. Besides him and Cathy, the place was pretty much empty.

As Cathy walked past Ray and looked at her and watched as she got some things off the dollar menu and paid with change. He wondered why she was paying with dimes and nickels when he had aw so many people but dollar bills in the tip jar.

Cathy took her food and sat at a table on the opposite side of the restaurant. Ray finished eating and threw his stuff out and made his way over to Cathy. Cathy had been trying to keep from being noticed by Ray but it was a failed attempt and she ate with her arm in front of her face.

"Hey." Ray said and said across from Cathy. Cathy sighed and put her arm down and said hey back. "Katie, right?" he asked. He wasn't sure what her name was. He had never said a word to her before.

"It's Cathy." She corrected him. Ray nodded, "Sorry." He apologized. Cathy said nothing and continued eating. There wasn't much food for her to eat as she finished in silence.

"I better go." Cathy said and got up to throw her stuff away and left the restaurant quickly. Ray watched her leave, wondering why she always kept to herself.

He shook the thoughts from his head and left the restaurant as well. As he was walking back to his bus, he went past the roadie bus and to his surprise, Cathy was sitting in the shadows on the bus with her back against one of the wheels.

Ray walked over to her. Her eyes were closed but she wasn't asleep. Ray bent down and shook her lightly. She opened her eyes and stared at ay emotionless.

"What are you doing out here, it's fucking cold." He told her. She shrugged, "The door's locked." she said. Ray said he had the spare key and he helped Cathy up and opened the door for her.

"Thanks." Cathy said. "No problem." He replied as she went in the bus and closed the door behind her.

When Cathy stepped inside, everyone had already gone to sleep and she laid on the couch and fell asleep thinking about Ray and his simple kindness.

*The Next Day*
Cathy's POV

"How the fuck did you get on the bus?" Todd yelled in my ear. I nearly rolled off the couch and I stared at him with tired eyes.

"What the fuck?" I replied back. Todd rolled his eyes, "You better not have broken the lock." He said and went to go check the door. I got up and stretched, only to be pushed down by Anna.

"Watch it, kid." She growled and went over to the fridge. I got myself out and luckily moved out of the way before I got pushed over by Sara.

"Hey, Cathy." I heard someone say as I plopped down on the couch. The voice came from the door and I looked to see Ray come in the bus. I wondered what he was doing and he said I had left something at the restaurant last night and he handed me an envelope.

Ray said nothing else and left the bus. Anna came over and snatched the envelope from me before I could even guess what was inside.

"You little slut!" Anna exclaimed and took out a pile of money and it looks like it as mostly tens and twenties. "Wow, you must have been a good lay!" Sara said, taking the money from Anna and counting it.

"Give it back!" I said and tried to snatch the money from Sara. She moved too quickly and passed it to Todd. Todd's eyes went wide and he laughed as I tried to get the money back.

"Damn, don't you know prostitution is illegal?" Todd asked. "I didn't sleep with him!" I cried out and kept trying to get my money.

Sara pulled me back and Todd split the money among the three of them and then I was handed a ten dollar bill. I stared at it in shock. "What the hell, give me my money." I argued. All three of the ignored me and I was pushed back against the bus door.

"You're all assholes." I said and walked off the bus.

*Later on that Night*

"Hey, kid, try not to whore yourself out before we're done packing." Anna whispered in my ear and I started putting things away. Like always Anna disappeared after a few minutes.

As I was putting away the sweaters, some guy came up and asked for a shirt. I got it for him and handed it to him and he handed me a few dollars extra. "Keep the change." He said and winked his eye and nodded his head to the left. I looked to the left to see Ray looking at me. I gave him a weak smile and he waved.

I was blushing, but why would I blush? It's obvious Ray knows of my current position and the fact I'm invisible and physically becoming invisible. My weight was so low I needed to fatten up a little but with only bout 15 bucks in my pocket, there's only so much a girl can eat.

As I started putting the stuff away again, Ray came over and leaned the table and watched me. "I heard what happened with the money." He said to me as I picked up a box and put in on the cart. What a gentleman, he just sits and watches without offering to give me a hand.

"It doesn't matter. I don't need your help." I told him. He came around the table and picked up a box and put it on the cart, "I think you do. I know what's been going on. You should have said something."

"Who cares? Everyone hates me and it's not like anyone's gonna do anything about it." I said. Ray opened his mouth to say something but Anna came over and snatched the tip jar.

"Come with me, kid." She said and literally dragged me away from Ray. She opened the tip jar and said, "Put the money in. You know all tips go straight in the jar. I saw that guy sucker you into thinking he liked you."

"Anna, please, I need it." I said with a hint of begging in my voice. She smiled at my plea and shook the jar, "Put it in or I'll make your life so much worse."

I sighed and felt ready to cry. I dug in my pocket and took out the 15 dollars I had and took the five dollar bill the guy had gave me, which was really from Ray, and put it in the jar.

As I was about to put the ten dollar bill back in my pocket, Anna snatched it from me, "And this is payment for wasting my time." She said and walked away with all of the money.

When I went back to the table, my eyes were watering. Ray had left and I finished packing up alone and brought everything out to the truck. I was so hungry now it wasn't even funny. I had not eaten a thing all day and I didn't exactly have a big meal last night.

As I walked outside some fans were hanging around, smoking cigarettes and finishing their beers. I tried walking fast past them, not wanting to deal with the drunks like I had a few times at other shows.

"Hey, baby!" One guy yelled to me and grabbed me by the arm. He pulled me close to him, "What's a sexy thing like you doing in a place like this?" he asked drunkenly.

"Making a living." I told him and tried to pull away but his grip was tight. "Well why didn't you say that in the first place. Heck, I'd give you a couple hundred for a go with your sweet body."

I cringed at the thought of prostitution but the thought of having a few hundred dollars in my pocket was extremely appealing. I don't know what I was thinking when I let this complete stranger lead me to his car.

*The Next Morning*

Last night I actually got on the bus. Everyone was out drinking and partying so I was able to get on the bus without anyone knowing what I had done. I felt so sick and dirty about the night before.

I found out the man was Clyde. He was 24 years old and a construction worker. He had a pregnant fiancé waiting for him at home. He was a built guy. On the high school football and wrestling teams. He seems like a decent guy. But of course he was drunk and I was nothing but a cheap slut getting paid to give him pleasure even if it was illegal for several different reasons, including age.

Luckily for me, my employer used protection and let me go as soon as he was finished with me. He handed me 200 dollars and laughed as he commented that his car smelt like sex. That was all that happened and I walked with pain between my legs. Sixteen years old and virginity lost during a prostitution act. I'm going to hell for this. I know it.

I woke up and the bus was moving. Everyone else was sleeping because they were so drunk the night before it was a wonder they hadn't passed out before they made it to the bus. But I remember Todd carrying Sara on the bus.

"Good morning, Cathy." I heard someone say. I looked at the small table to see Gerard sitting at the table. I was wondering why the fuck he was there.

"Did you have a good night last night?" he asked. He sounded like he was trying to catch me in a lie. He knew. I knew he knew.

I nodded, "Sure." I told him with a scratchy voice. He gave me a sympathetic face and pulled picked up a small pile of papers off the table and handed it to me.

"In case you forgot, you're on contract. And there a lot of things I could get you fired for. One, prostitution is illegal but I'm letting that go cause it's you body and I really don't give a shit. But everyone's been telling me you've been stealing money and that you took a shitload from Ray."

"I didn't steal money from anyone! And I'm not a prostitute!" I argued. Gerard shook his head, "Anna, Todd, Sara, Greg, Matt, Paul, and Steve have all said that you've being stealing money. It's seven against one. I'm sorry."

"Gerard," I said, "If I had been taking money then I'd actually be eating and I wouldn't have had to buy a belt off your brother by cleaning his shoes for a week."

"Why did you buy my brother's belt?" he asked. He looked humored by this. I sighed and felt ashamed and stood up. I lifted my shirt up and showed him my stomach and chest. My bra straps were nearly falling down and an outline of my ribs were showing. It defiantly looked unhealthy.

"My god, why the hell don't you eat?" he asked. "With what money?" I asked back. He dug into his pocket and took out his wallet, "Here's some money, please eat." He said and handed me twenty dollars.

"Keep your money, I made some last night." I told and looked down at my feet. I didn't like believing I was a slut but I was now. Gerard put his wallet away and smirked, "Well, if you don't want to get fired and get a few bucks, would you mind doing me a favor?" he asked.

I took a deep breath and asked what he wanted. He began unbuckling his pants and told me to be quiet so we wouldn't wake anyone up.


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

So everyday became a cycle. I would wake up and get paid to be Gerard's bitch for a few hours or sometimes a few minutes and then work the show at night and then be some stranger's bitch for an hour or two. I never saw Ray.

A big problem for me was keeping my money. I was making almost 400 dollars a day and had nowhere to hide it. My pocket was bulging and soon someone would notice and decide to claim it for themselves. I thought about it for some time now and decided to go to Ray.

I went to Gerard first thing in the morning and then went back to my bus to clean up. I made sure there was no sign of my actions present in my appearance though it made no difference. I know Gerard told everyone and I had been paid do things with other crew on the tour. It made me sick to think about this. It was so shameful.

When I had finally felt confident enough I went back over to the MCR bus where Gerard was laying on the couch with a smile on his face.

"Back for more?" he asked. I shook my head, "No, I need to talk to Ray." I said to him. He gave me a smirk, "Ray isn't into paying for sex so don't waste your time." He said.

"Gerard, just tell me where he is." I demanded. "Oh, feisty bitch. Ray's in the back playing games." He told me. I walked past him quickly and went to the back of the bus. Ray and Frank were hypnotized by a game and Mikey was watching, trying to distract Frank.

"Ray." I said his name and he didn't look up from his game but Mikey said that getting to him while he's playing a game is like trying to wake the dead. I sighed and pulled the controller from Ray's hand.

"Hey!" he yelled and looked up at me. He looked a little surprised to see me. "Can I talk to you?" I asked him. Mikey yelled out, "Prostitute!" and I wanted so much to hit him but I didn't. Ray got up and apologized to Frank and Mikey quickly took over Ray's spot next to Frank.

"What is it?" Ray asked. I asked if I could talk to him outside and he put on a pair of sandals and we went past Gerard. "She's really good!" he yelled to Ray. I could feel tears in my eyes and nearly gasped for air when I stepped off the bus.

"Cathy, are you ok?" Ray asked, putting his arm around me. "No." I told him. Ray started leading me away from the bus incase Gerard felt like eavesdropping and we sat down on some grass.

"What's wrong?" he asked. "Everyone knows what I've been doing and they hate me even more and I feel so dirty." I cried and Ray pulled me close to him. "So it's true what they've been saying?" he asked. I nodded and Ray hugged me tightly, "You could have came to me. I can't believe you would do that. You should never have to sink that low." He told me.

"I needed money and everyone kept taking from me. And then Gerard told me that I was gonna get fired because someone told him I was stealing money." I told him. "Were you stealing money?" Ray asked curiously. I shook my head, "No, I swear I didn't but everyone stole money from me and then Gerard said if I slept with him then he wouldn't let me get fired and he paid me."

"Cathy, you're not going to be doing this anymore. You can stay on the bus with me and you're not going to have to worry about selling your body to anyone anymore. Do you understand?" he told me as if he was my father. I shook my head, "I'll get fired." I said. Ray shook me slightly, "I won't get you fired. You're safe if you stay with me. I'll make sure you have food. You could get really sick if you kept selling yourself like this or you could die. This is so dangerous."

"I know." I said quietly. "Then why would you do it?" he asked. "I needed the money, I told you. It was easy to do and it was the only thing I could do."

"I'm serious, Cathy. You're gonna stay with me. I want you to go to your bus and get your stuff and come back to my bus. You're not gonna have to do this anymore." Ray told me and got up. He bent down and helped me up and I went to the bus to get my things like Ray told me.

When I got on the bus everyone was up and ignored me. I pulled my bag from under the couch and made sure everything was in it. I picked it up and headed for the door. "Where the fuck are you going, slut?" Sara called out to me.

"I'm not a slut." I said and walked off the bus. Ray was waiting outside of his bus and gave me a weak smile, "That was quick." He said, eyeing my small book bag that held all of my possessions or what was left of them. Everyone on my bus had taken what they had liked weeks ago.

Ray held the bus door open for me and let me in. He came in after me and Gerard eyed my bag, "You bunking with us?" he asked hopefully. I nodded and he just grinned. I think Ray realized that Gerard thought he'd have his little 'slut' around all the time for pleasure whenever he wanted it. But that wasn't going to happen because Ray was gonna protect me.

"Come on, we have a spare bunk." Ray said, putting his hand on the small of my back and leading me forward. Ray showed me the small bathroom and then my bunk.

"You get the nice, clean bunk. It's right under mine and I swear I don't fart and make too much noise." He said, smiling. I found myself smiling back. And then I thought about how he had a nice smile and he was friendly.

"I'm gonna go in the back, if you need anything just let me know." He said and started heading back to most likely play games again. "Ray?" I said his name and he stopped and turned around, "Yeah?"

"Thanks." I said. He gave me a smile, "You're Welcome."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

There was a knock on the door of the bus. I could hear from my bunk. I was just laying down because there was nothing else to do. I didn't want to deal with anyone.

"Hey, Cathy, it's time for you to go set up!" Gerard yelled from the front of the bus. I got up and for once wasn't feeling miserable about getting to work. I wasn't gonna be starving tonight and I wasn't going to selling my body to another stranger. It was gonna be one of the best nights ever.

Anna was waiting outside the bus, she was leaning on it next to the door. "Hey, kid." She said, smirking. I didn't wait for whatever she else she had to say and started walking away.

"Has Ray bought you out or what? We all know Gerard has. They're only keeping you around for the sex." Anna yelled out to me. I started running now and didn't even go inside. I ran away from the club and all the buses and into the streets of the unknown city I was in.

*3 Hours Later*

It had started raining and I was completely lost. I had stopped crying almost an hour ago and my feet were aching. I was cold and could feel myself getting sick

This wasn't what I had hoped for when I had left Pennsylvania. I thought being out of that old town would be amazing and now I felt homesick. I just wanted to home again where it was easy and I had friends. I missed people who liked me and never thought of me as a slut. I missed my parents.

I could see a pay phone down the street and headed toward it. My shoes were drenched and I envied the people who had umbrella's and raincoats. When I got to the pay phone I realized I had no clue what anyone's phone number was. I flipped through the pages of the phone book and looked for the number for Ticketmaster. When I found it I called and found out the name of the club the band had played at. Then I hung up and called the club and asked them to get someone from the band.

"We're sorry but we can't allow you to talk to them but we can take a message." Someone said. I told them to tell Ray I was lost and I gave them the number at the payphone. I said it was urgent and I wondered if they'd tell him.

I waited in the pouring rain by the payphone for nearly two hours before it rang and I picked it up. It was Ray.

"Ray, I'm lost." I said desperately. "Where the hell are you?" he asked. He seemed a little annoyed but concerned. "I don't know but I'm cold, wet, and scared."

"I don't know where to find you. Can you tell me what's around you." He asked me and I looked around. "There's a Domino's pizza and a hardware store." I told him.

"I'm gonna ask someone to try and find out where you are. Wait by the phone." He told me and hung up. I did as he said and nearly ten minutes later he called back to say he got a ride with a fan and he'd come to get me.

When Ray showed up he got out of the car and came over to me. "Are you ok?" he asked, looking me up and down for bruises or signs of injury. "I'm ok." I said as he tried to keep from getting soaked but it was no use.

He helped me in the car and I was met by a guy, probably my age. He was kinda cute but that really wasn't important right now.

"Lovely weather, eh?" he said. I found myself smiling slightly but when Ray frowned at me I felt like shit.

"Why would you run off like that? Didn't you think about where you were going or what could have happened?" he asked. I shook my head, "I'm sorry." I said quietly and Ray went on, "I had no clue you were gone until you called. If you didn't call we could have left without you or something. Or you could have gotten hurt. Why would you run off though?"

"I don't know." I replied. Ray looked ready to explode. "What do you mean you don't know? There has to be a reason."

I finally snapped and started yelling, not caring that we were making a scene in front of this kid that was driving. "I ran off because Anna said something me, OK?! In case you haven't noticed, everyone hates my fucking guts and Gerard told the whole world about what I did to get money just so I could eat and no one is gonna let me live it down."

"Why don't you tell me when you have a problem? I could help you if you'd trust me." He said. I sighed, "You're not keeping me around for the sex?" I asked him. "What sex?" he asked kinda shocked, "I haven't gotten laid in months but I wasn't gonna use you for sex." He said. I felt relieved and let out a sigh, "Thank god." I said quietly.

"Promise me you won't run off again." He said. I nodded and promised him and he pulled me close to him, "You had me so scared." He said and hugged me tightly.

When we got back to the club, Ray offered money to the kid but he refused it, saying it was an honor to be in the same car with someone from his favorite band and Ray ended up signing the kid's steering wheel instead.

"Come on." Ray said, putting an arm around me and bringing me on the bus. As soon as I stepped on the bus I started sneezing and my nose was running. He got me some tissues and told me to get changed and he went to the back room.

When I opened all I had were t-shirts and jeans. I wanted sweatpants and at least a long sleeved shirt so I opened the door for the back room to ask Ray if he had anything I wanted and he had his shirt off. He looked like a deer caught in the headlights.

"Shit, sorry!" I cried out and turned around. "No it's ok, I'm not naked." He said, laughing lightly. "You need anything?" he asked.

"Yeah, I was wondering if I could borrow sweatpants. All I have are jeans." I told him. He nodded and went in his bag and threw a pair of sweat pants at me. "You want a sweat shirt?" he asked. I nodded and he handed it to me.

I smiled and said thanks and then went in the bathroom to change. When I came out Ray was out and was wearing sweatpants and a t-shirt. He turned to look at me and smiled. "Damn, you're skinny." He said, commenting on how his clothes were humongous on me.

"Yeah, and you are just so fat." I joked. Ray come close to me and looked at how much room I had in his clothes. He lifted the shirt a little and he saw my stomach and how my ribs were bulging out.

"Cathy, are you anorexic?" he asked all of a sudden. I shook my head, "No, but I've actually been gaining the weight I lost at the beginning of the tour." I told him. He sighed, "That's not good. Come on, I'm fattening you up now." He said and led me to the cabinets and handed me bags of chips, cookies, cereal, and snacks.

"Ray, please, I'm not hungry right now. I feel like shit." I said. And I did feel horrible. It only took me a few minutes but I felt sick from being outside so long in the rain.

"You must have gotten sick from being outside." He said and put the food on the counter. "Just lay on the couch for now and we can watch some movies while you get fat." He said, smiling.

I rolled my eyes, grabbed a bag of chips and laid on the couch like he said. A few minutes later he was sitting on the floor and we were watching scary movies while pigging out on junk food.

*2 Days Later*

"3 Weeks until Christmas!" Frank yelled as he was marking days off the calendar on the bus. I saw Ray roll his eyes, "You're like a fucking little kid" he said. Frank stuck his tongue out at Ray and ran to the back of the bus acting childish.

"It's not Christmas without snow." I said to Ray as he was waiting for his toast to pop out of the toaster. I sneezed and sniffled, "God, I hate being sick." I said and then had a coughing fit.

"You poor pitiful creature- don't get me sick." Ray said just as his toast popped up. He got up and put them on a plate, "You want to come to my house for Christmas?" Ray asked.

"Huh?" I asked. I wasn't listening. "I said, do you want to come to my house for Christmas? You know, stay for the holidays." He suggested. I shrugged, "I don't know. I don't want to impose or anything." I said.

"If I begged you, would you come?" he asked and kneeled in front of my and pouted. I sighed, "Ok, but only for Christmas. I'm gonna try and get a bus to Pennsylvania and try and see my folks." I said.

"I could go with you." Ray suggested. I shook my head, "Nah, I think it's something I should do on my own." I told him and he pouted again. "Ray, you can't come, that's final." I said and accidentally sneezed in his face.

"Oh my god! Sorry, Ray!" I apologized as he grabbed a tissue and wiped his face a little, "You're gonna pay for that!" he yelled and jumped on me and began attacking me with tickles.

"Ah! Stop, Ray, you're gonna make me piss my pants!" I yelled in between coughs. He let up and laughed, "You bitch, you hit my nuts." He said and put his hand over his crotch.

"Oh, sorry, my bad." I said and laughed as he complained for a few minutes. I started having another coughing fit and felt like I was gonna throw up and ran into the bathroom, still coughing.

Ray came in and rubbed my shoulders, "Are you ok?" he asked. I shook my head and continued coughing until I had thrown up. I felt my throat burn and the taste and smell was horrible but Ray stayed next to me.

"Oh, god." I said and laid my face on the toilet seat. "Looks like you defiantly have the flu." Ray said. "Come on, you're going to bed." He said and picked me and up laid me in my bunk.

"You want anything?" Ray asked me as I curled up into a ball. He put my blanket over me and pushed my hair behind my ear. I shook my head and he kissed my forehead and closed the curtain.

I didn't go to the show that night. Ray made sure I slept and I heard from Frank that the other roadies wanted to use my absence as an excuse to fire me. But it wasn't going to happen, even Gerard was sticking up for me. I don't know why but suddenly the guys in MCR were all being really nice and I think it had to do with Ray.

I had slept for a few hours and when I woke up I could hear soft snores coming from the other bunks. I got out of bed, keeping my blanket wrapped around me and put on Frank's Donald Duck slippers and went to the front of the bus. The windows were fogged up and I wiped them and pressed my face to the glass.

"Snow." I said as I watched the snowflakes float gently to the ground. I was hypnotized by the snow and stayed there for nearly an hour before getting up and putting on some sneakers. I was already where sweatpants and a sweat shirt and I kept the blanket wrapped around me and I quietly got off the bus.

I looked down and saw footprints in the snow already and curiously I followed them, enjoying the snow falling on me. I didn't care that I was already sick. It was the first snow I had seen since last winter and I always did this every year.

The footprints led to the back of the bus and I saw it stopped at the back of the bus where there was a ladder. I looked up but couldn't see anyone so I held onto the blanket and started climbing up. I could feel a round of coughs making it's way up but I held them in.

When I got to the top of the bus I could see the puffy hair and knew it was Ray. He turned and saw me and got up, "Cathy, you shouldn't be out here. You're sick." He said and came over to me and pulled me close to him.

"I'm fine." I told him, "What are you doing up here?" I asked him. He sat me down on the snow covered bus roof and told me he used to do this back home in New Jersey. He would get up on the top of his roof and sit out on the snow all the time.

"You're cold." He said as I shivered. I shook my head, "I'm fine." I told him and started coughing. "Here, stay close and I'll keep you warm." He said and pulled me close to his chest and put the blanket around both of us. Together we watched the snow fall all around us and on us.

It wasn't until my head was coated in snow that Ray said we had to go back inside. He helped me down the bus and put his arm around me and pulled me close as we walked back into the bus.

"I feel like a snowman." I said quietly and shook snow from my hair. Ray's puffball of hair had snow caught in it and looked like a hopeless case. He shook like a dog and threw his head around but the snow was caught in there and started melting from the heat on the bus.

I sat on the couch and looked at the window. Ray joined me and we sat in the warm bus, watching snow fall again.

"I don't know why, but I just love watching snow fall. It never gets boring." Ray said. I nodded, "Yeah, I know." I agreed with him.

"You really need to go to bed now or you might even sicker." Ray said after a few minutes. He helped me off the couch and tucked back into bed.

As he pulled the covers over me I thought about how much I owed to Ray. He was keeping me alive and now I'm sick he's like a mother in some ways. He just wants the best for me.

Ray had closed the curtain I heard rustling on the top bunk. "Ray?" I whispered up to him. "Yeah?" he said.

"Thanks." I told him quietly. My curtain slid open and Ray was hanging from his bunk and looking in at me, smiling, "You're welcome." He said and pulled himself back up.

"Goodnight, Cathy." He said right before I fell asleep.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Hey, Cathy, you feeling any better?" Mikey asked as I laid curled up in a ball with a couple of blankets on the couch. I let out a feeble moan and felt Mikey sit next to me and rub my back, "Poor thing, you know my mom always sent me to the hospital when I got sick."

"That's cause you were always near death and had a fucked up immune system!" Gerard yelled at Mikey. "So what, it still sucked." He said to his older brother.

The bus door opened and slammed shut. It was Ray and Frank were back from the store with medicine and other stuff that was needed on the bus.

"Cathy, sit up so I can give you some medicine." Frank said, coming over to me with a bottle of medicine and a little measuring cup. I got up and started coughing, making Mikey back far away. Frank really didn't care.

"Here, drink this." He said, handing the tiny cup to me. I swallowed it in one gulp and felt like my throat was on fire and the feelings went all the way done to my stomach. I groaned and collapsed back down on the couch.

"If you're not feeling better by Saturday I'm gonna take you to a hospital." Ray said as he was putting stuff away. Ah, the motherly figure of the group.

Mikey butted in, "If you guys weren't out frolicking in the snow two nights ago I'm sure she'd feel a lot better."

Frank looked at Ray and then to me, "And what were you two doing?" he asked curiously. Ray answered since I couldn't, "It was the first snowfall. We had to go outside."

"Damn, dude, you should have brought me along." Gerard said, sitting at the table, drinking a soda Ray and Frank just bought.

I was sore as hell and felt like shit and my stomach hurt. Having the flu sucked and I felt ready to puke. I got up and stumbled into the bathroom, soon to be met by Ray who once again, stayed with me as I threw up everything in my stomach, including the medicine.

"Fuck this, I'm taking you to a hospital." Ray said, helping me up and bringing me to the back of the bus. He helped me put a sweatshirt and jacket on and my socks and shoes. He put a beanie on my head and then put his own shoes on and a jacket.

"Where are you two going?" Mikey asked as Ray walked behind me as we headed to the bus door. "She needs medical attention." Ray said and helped me off the bus. He led me to the van where the equipment and merchandise was and helped me in the passenger seat and then got in the driver's seat. He took out his collection of keys, picked out the right one and started driving off somewhere. I feel asleep, not even caring if Ray knew where he was going or not.

I woke up when Ray shook me lightly. "Come on, we're here." He said. It had started snowing lightly. Ray helped me out of the van held me close to him as we went inside.

Ray signed me in and I was brought into the ER where they checked my temperature and immediately told Ray to go into a waiting room. I laid on gurney for a few minutes before going to sleep and hearing nurses talk about me.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I woke up in a white room and looked around. There was no one there. I didn't remember what happened. I groaned and started coughing, it hurt in my chest and I touched it and there was some button that I accidentally hit. A few minutes later a nurse came in.

"You're awake." The nurse said. She was a large lady but she had a glow to her and she was happy. She was nice as well.

"What happened?" I said with a scratchy voice. The nurse was injecting some medicine through the IV that was in my arm and told me I almost died from the flu if I hadn't been brought to the hospital.

"Where's Ray?" I asked. Hoping he'd come in soon. The nurse frowned, "I'm sorry, dear, I don't know who he is." She said.

"Is there a phone I can use?" I asked. The nurse nodded and pointed at a phone on the nightstand by the bed. I reached over and picked it up and dialed Ray's cell phone number.

It only took a few rings before he picked up. "Ray, it's me." I said. "Oh thank god, you're ok." He said, sounding very relieved.

"Where are you?" I asked. He said he was in a completely other state and I suddenly lost my breath. I was completely alone. They had left without me.

"Don't worry, Cathy, I'll fly out to get you when you're ok to leave." He told me quickly. I think he knew I was ready to panic. "How are you feeling?" he asked. I told him I felt pretty sore and tired but I think I felt a little better. He told me I had been sleeping for nearly a week. I couldn't believe it but it was true.

"Listen, Cathy, I gotta go but I'll call you in a couple of hours, ok?" he said. I told him it'd be fine and we hung up.

A few minutes later a doctor came in and did a quick check up on me, saying everything looked ok but my temperature was still a little high. "I think it'd be safe to say you can go home in about two days." He said cheerfully and filled out some forms and left.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Ray took a plane to get to Chicago and met me at the hospital when I got released. The band was on break for the holidays now so Ray was gonna take me with him to New Jersey.

I was waiting in the waiting room, my back to the door. I felt someone tapped my shoulder and when I turned around it was Ray. I got up and was quickly pulled into a hug.

"You have no idea how worried I've been about you." Ray said and kissed the top of my head. He gave me his coat, saying it was cold outside and we went out to take a taxi to the airport.

"Christmas is next week." Ray said to me in the taxi. I didn't say anything and just nodded, "Yeah, it'll be great." I said.

"You don't sound excited." He said and nudged me, trying to get me to smile. I gave him a weak smile, "I'm just tired, you know?" I said. He nodded and pulled me close to him, "I know you miss you're family. It's ok to talk about them." He said.

"I really do miss them, Ray. I want to see them so badly." I told him. He didn't say anything the whole ride to the airport. Ray went to get our tickets as I waited on a bench. It took him nearly an hour because the line was long due to the holiday travelers.

When Ray finally got our tickets I got up and he took my hand in his and led me over to a gate and handed our tickets to a security guard for screening. We entered the terminal and Ray began walking quickly, "We've only got a few minutes, come on." He said, nearly dragging me along behind him.

I had no clue where we were heading but Ray did. He suddenly turned and pulled me toward a gate where they were boarding the last of the passengers, we made it just in time.

Ray handed the lady at the door our tickets and we boarded the plane. We had seats in first class. Very nice, I must say. We were sitting next to each other and I rested my head on his shoulder.

Fifteen minutes after we had sat down, the pilot came on the intercom. "Flight 326, heading for Philadelphia, Pennsylvania will be departing shortly."

I suddenly lifted my head and looked at Ray. He was smiling and knew what I was thinking. I was going home. "Ray-" I said. I was at a loss for words but Ray wasn't, "Now I'm defiantly going to meet your family." He said. I couldn't believe.

"You're are the nicest guy that ever lived." I said, ready to burst into tears. Ray blushed, "I didn't know what to get you for Christmas so I guess this is it."

"It's the best thing anyone's ever done for me. Thank you so much." I said and lifted myself up and kissed him on the cheek. I sat back down and rested my head back on his shoulder. "Thank you." I whispered before I fell asleep.

"Haven't you slept enough?" Ray said, waking me up right before we landed. I yawned and stretched, accidentally hitting Ray in the face. "Whoops, sorry." I said, blushing. He said it was ok and faked yawned and 'accidentally' hit me back.

When we landed we had to take a connecting flight to the Wilkes-Barre airport. The plane left in 2 hours so we had nothing to do but walk around the airport.

"Let's go in this store!" Ray said and dragged me into some gift shop. "Why are we in here?" I asked Ray. He shrugged, "I figured I'd get on your mom's good side and buy her something." He said. I sighed and shook my head, "Why do you need to impress her?" I asked.

"Cause she'll think I'm your boyfriend and expect me to suck up to her. I mean, with hair like this I can only get so much respect." He said. I found myself laughing at what he said, "And why would she think you're my boyfriend?" I asked.

Ray looked like he was deep in thought and all of a sudden said, "Cause she'd wonder who I was if I did this."

Without warning Ray leaned down and pressed his lips against mine and pulled back. I stared wide eyed at him and smiled. "Wow." I said. Ray was smiling back and then began looking at the stuff around the store and suggesting things.

"What exactly does your mom like?" Ray asked. I was still smiling. I couldn't believe Ray kissed me. I had no clue he even liked me. I finally dropped down to earth and helped Ray pick out a present for my mom. I offered to pay but Ray wouldn't even let me think it.

After we got my mom's present, we went to the food court and got some food. We were sitting at the table, throwing French fries at each other, trying to throw them in each other's mouth until someone came over and complained about the mess we made and asked us to leave.

We didn't feel like starting anything and left the food court and headed back to the gate to wait for our plane. While we waited we talked and had thumb wars. There was no mention of the kiss but it was on my mind and I think Ray was thinking about it as well.

When it was time to board the plane I was excited. I was finally going home after months of traveling. I think Ray knew I was anxious and I was a ball of energy the whole plane ride. Luckily the flight was only about 45 minutes long.

By the time we landed I was ecstatic. If there weren't people in front of us I would have ran off the plane. What seemed like forever was only 5 minutes and were walked outside and into the small airport and then out to the parking lot. We got a taxi for half hour car ride which I spent cuddled up with Ray.

Where I lived was a small town almost in the middle of no where. Let's just say there's a lot of trees and a lot of privacy. When the cab pulled up in front of my house I jumped out and was about to run up to the front door but I didn't want to leave Ray behind.

I waited for Ray to pay the taxi driver and we went up the driveway and I knocked on the front door. I heard someone yell the door was open and we went inside. My parents, brother, and a few of my cousins were sitting on the couch, watching a movie and they all stared at me.

"Cathy!" My little brother, Michael yelled and ran over to me and hugged me. My cousins got up and greeted me but my parents just stared at me in shock.

"Who's this handsome young man?" My cousin, Tina asked, pinching Ray's cheek. I laughed and introduced Ray to my family. My parents finally got up and I stepped up to them, "Hi, Mom, Hi, Dad." I said.

I saw tears in my mother's eyes and she pulled me into a hug. "I can't believe you came back." She said, crying. Everyone began comforting my mother and my father looked at me with disgust, "You have a lot of nerve coming back here." He said.

I was at a loss for words and my dad left the room and went downstairs. I knew him well and he was going into his office to pace back and forth.

"Cathy, don't worry about him right now. I'm just so glad you came home." My mom said and kissed me on the cheek. "And this is your boyfriend?" she asked.

I looked at Ray and he nodded and stepped forward, handing my mom the present we got her and then leaned down and kissed her on the cheek. "It's a pleasure to finally meet you. Cathy has told me some amazing things about you." He said. What a suck up, I never told him anything nice.
"Sweetheart, why don't you show him to your brother's room and you can stay in your own room." My mom said, telling us where to sleep. I was almost afaid to see my room. I had no clue what my parents had done to it while I was gone.
I took Ray by his hand and led him downstairs and quickly past my father's office. I showed Ray my brother's room and where he'd be sleeping and then we went in my room. I was hoping I'd still have the dark blue walls and my photography and things I had treasured before I left but now the room was white with a pink border, a painting on some kind of flower, lace window curtains and a lavender bed spread. It's amazing how different it looked.
"Wow, this is your room?" Ray asked, holding in a laugh. I frowned slightly, "It wasn't like this before I left. I had dark blue walls and photos I had taken and art work all around my room. My carpet used to be covered in paint but they changed it, too. I also had my ceiling painted black with the stars just like it was in the sky. And I had a mattress on the floor, no frame or anything." I explained to Ray, walking to the center of my room and remembered how it used to be. I closed my eyes, almost feeling like it was the way it used to be. But when I opened my eyes and say nothing but the blank, white wall, I felt almost trapped.

I sat on my bed and sighed. I thought my family would have really loved to see me and hopefully always thought of me. I wasn't gone THAT long and they already turned my room into a guest room. I didn't want to say anything to Ray but my mom wasn't as glad to see me as she seemed. She hardly smiled. The only way you could tell if she was in a good mood if she was being sarcastically funny. I could tell by the way she looked at Ray she didn't like him. What was I to do or say?

"Tired?" Ray asked, sitting on the bed next to me. His weight on the bed caused me to lean on him a bit and he put his arm around me, "I can tell this wasn't what you were hoping to come back to." he said and pulled me closer to him. "I just wish they didn't hate me so much." I said, feeling tears swelling in my eyes. Why was I crying? I was being such a baby just cause mommy and daddy were mad at me.

"They don't hate you. I mean, your mother seemed so happy to see you and Michael looked like someone told him Christmas was coming early." Ray said softly. I shook my head, "My mom's a good a actress, I've seen through he facade for years. And Michael is only a little kid, he doesn't know better. In a few years he'll hate me too. I know he will because my parents will make sure he does."

"Do you want to leave?" Ray asked after a few minutes of silence. I looked up at him, a little off guard. "But wouldn't this whole trip be for nothing?" I asked him. He smiled and shook his head, "I wanted to see what your family was like and you wanted to see them as well and let's just say it's not worth staying for unless someone can cook good."

I smiled back at him, "My mom is an amazing cook. We'll stay the night and then we'll go to New Jersey." I said. Ray nodded in agreement, "And you'll get to stay at my house and meet my family. They'll love you." he said and leaned down to kiss me and I turned my head. He pulled back and gave me a questioning look, "What's wrong?" he asked.

I started fidgeting. When Ray kissed me in the airport I liked it but hoped he wouldn't do it again because I was worried I'd get him in trouble. I didn't want to let him know how old I was. Everyone assumed I was at least 18 or 19 but I was only 16. If Ray knew, he'd kill me even though I never saw him really angry.

"Ray, we shouldn't do anything here. My parents wouldn't like it." I told him. He chuckled lightly, "Cathy, you're old enough to make your own decisions, why would they care if they saw us kissing?" he asked. I shrugged, "I don't know." I said, sounding a little to nervous and guilty to pass off as normal. He knew something was up. Damn me, why can't I lie just once in my life?

"I think you do know and I think it'd be nice if you told me." Ray said to me, talking to me as if I was a little child who did something wrong and tried to act like they did nothing but he knew. I sighed, "Maybe cause of our age?" I asked and shrugged. I still had the sound of guilt coated in my voice.

Ray raised an eyebrow and gave me another odd look, "Age? What's wrong with our age?" he asked. Oh god, maybe he'll be too dumb to figure it out. I couldn't look at him or I'd burst into tears and tell him everything so I turned my head away from him.

"Cathy, how old are you?" Ray finally asked. I could feel his eyes burning into the back of my head. I looked at him and gave him a nervous chuckle and looked down at my feet dangeling a few inches from the floor. "Um, promise you won't get mad?" I asked him. He nodded, "Promise." he said, his eyes were straining, glaring at me, possibly forseeing the reaction Ray would give me when I tell him.

I took a deep breath, still staring at my feet and mumbled, "Sixteen." He asked me to repeat myself and I looked up at him and sighed again, "Sixteen." I repeated myself only with a clear and louder voice. Ray's eyes went wide and I thought they were gonna pop out of their sockets. Ray didn't say anything. He just sat there and stared at me. A few moments later there was a knock on the door and my mom came in and said dinner was ready. I wanted to know what Ray had to say but that'd have to wait.

"This is an amazing meal." Ray said after we had begun eating. I could tell he really did like it but was also sucking up to my mother. My father glared at us both. "Hey, Michael, what's up?" I asked my little brother. He shrugged and started talking with his mouth full of mashed potatoes. "I really want a new snowboard for Christmas and I've been good all year too. My grades are really high so grandma gave me a whole 10 dollars and she said she's gonna get me a puppy!" he yelled, spaying food everwhere. My father was sitting next to Michael smacked him upside the head and told him to shutup when he had food in his mouth.

"So, Cathy, what have you been doing to support youself?" My father asked. I swallowed what was in my mouth first and said to everyone, "Well, Ray's in this band and they are really good and they're touring all over the country and I sell merchandise for them." I said. My cousin's looked at me with envy and asked what it was like. My mother looked disgusted and my father commented that I was living the hippie and said it was a revolting lifestyle. Ray sat in silence until my cousins started asking Ray questions. He didn't look too excited with the attention.

"Now tell me, do you two sleep together?" My father asked near the end of the meal. Ray answered this before I could, "Why would we? It's illegal, isn't it?" he answered in a question form. He glared at me and then to my father. I felt really bad but what was I to do? I couldn't go and change my age. My father chuckled, "Well, aren't you a nice boy. I bet you didn't know she was only 16. I hope you didn't make any wrong decisions cause they always come back and bite you in the ass in the end."

I got up from the table now and asked to be excused. My mother let me go and I ran downstairs and into my room, slamming the door shut behind me. I jumped on my bed, face first and buried my face in a pillow. I just wanted to scream out as loud as I could and just let all of these emotions out. My father was being such a dick. Ray hates me cause I didn't tell him my age and all he did was kiss me and now it's like he had sex with me and I'm suing him or something stupid like that.

There was a gentle knock at my door. I said nothing but it opened and in came my little brother. Michael came over shyly and asked if I was ok, "Yeah, I'm fine, Michael." I told lifting my head from the pillow to look at him. "Can I lay with you?" he asked, pouting his lower lip. I smiled and let him jump in the bed with me.

I put my arms around him and held him close to me, "I missed you so much." I said to him and kissed his foehead. I felt his small hands clutch at my shirt. I loved my brother so much and I found it easiest to talk to him even though he was only 5 years old. He didn't judge and he was so innocent. It pained me tot hinkt hat in a few years he'd be like my parents. He'd be racist and he'd probably forget about me or learn to hate me fo being a high school drop out with no career and no future.

"Cathy, Ray told me he wanted me to give this to you." Michael said, pulling something from his pocket and holding it to my face. It was a folded piece of paper. I unfolded it and read it:

Meet me outisde in one hour. We're breaking free.

Love, Ray

I smiled but felt bad at the same time. I didn't want to leave my brother. He was the only thing that could ever keep me from leaving again. I felt guilty at all the times I had yelled at him or tried to be away from him as much as possible becasue I was so selfish about my privacy. It was one of those things where it's like you don't know what you got till it's gone type things.

"You're gonna leave me again, aren't you?" Michael asked. He big, blue eyes were watering and I shook my head, "No, Michael. I'm never really gone. It just seems like it." I said to him. He didn't understand but he really shouldn't. I just didn't want him to cry. "Where ever I go, you're always with me here," I said, pointing to my heart, "and I'll always me here with you." I finished and placed his hand over his own heart. "No one can keep us away from each other." Michael said.

"Yeah." I said, feeling ready to cry. I didn't want to leave him. I wanted to take him with me so bad. It was almost making me want to stay even though I knew I couldn't. After a few minutes Michael feel asleep next to me and I had to get off the bed. I kissed my brother ont he forehead and whispered that I loved him and then went upstairs.

"I'm gonna go for a walk." I told everyone as I put on my coat and shoes. I got outside and Ray was laying in the snow, making a snow angel. His hair was full of snow and he wasn't even dressed to be out playing int he snow. I laughed and he looked up at me, "Hey." he said as he stopped moving his arms and legs. He just stared at me.

"Ray, I'm sorry." I blurted out. My eyes were watering and a few tears ran down my cheek. They were cold and I wiped them away. "Cathy, don't cry." Ray said and got up and hugged me. He pointed to his snow angel and said, "That's an angel and I made it for you. Even when it melts, it'll always be with you to guide you through the hardest time." he said. I looked at him and smiled, "That's sweet." I said and he smiled back, "Yeah, I'm sorry I wasn't sure how to act about the whole age thing. I had no clue you were so young."

"So, you're still taking me home with you?" I asked him curiously. "Well, DUH!" he said with a goofy smile, "I told you, my parents would love you." I let out a sigh of relief, "I really thought you were so mad at me." I told Ray. He ruffled my hair, "Well, I'm sorry." he apologized.

A few minutes later a cab pulled up in front of the house. "Well, that's out ride." Ray said, taking my hand in his and leading me to the taxi. He helped me in and then he told the driver to take us to the nearest bus station as he got in next to me. Ray put his arm around me and held me close to him.

"You have to be a bit more careful outside. You don't want to get sick again." Ray warned me. I just nodded silently. It was only a twenty minute ride and then we were at the station. After Ray got ou tickets, it was going to be an hour wait.

It was only ten minutes later until I was bored out of my mind and i began playing with Ray's hair. "What are you doing?" Ray asked curiously. I was making little braids with the fizzy hair and it was getting even more tangled ten it was before. "Nothing." I said, holding in my laughter. Ray's hand patted the back of his head to feel what I did and then he grabbed my hand and turned around.

"Do you know how hard it is to get braids out of my hair?" he asked. I thought he'd be mad but he wasn't. I just laughed and shook my head. "Damn you, evil child, damn you!" he yelled and pointed a finger at me and I leared foward and nipped at it.

"Ouch!" he cried like a little kid and nursed his finger. I came around and sat on Ray's lap, "Santa, Santa, I want a rocket ship, and a video game, and a Bob the Builder t-shirt, and a..." I told Ray and he talked over me, "Ho, Ho, Ho, sorry little kid but you've been a bad little girl. You're getting coal!" he said. I pouted and put my arms around his neck, "But Santa, I don't want coal." I said.

Ray smiled, "Well, I could give you something." he said, leading me on. "What is it? What is it?" I asked him, sounding moe childish then ever. Ray's smile grew and he leaned forward and caught my lips with his and then put his hands around my waist.

As much as I didn't want to say it. We were making out at the crowded bus station. "Stop it right now you hooligans!" some old lady shrieked and I felt something hit against my arm but only sligtly and I looked to see her hitting Ray with her cane. We both got up and started running to the other side of the bus station just to lose her.

"No PDA's in front of my grandchildren!" The old lady screamed out to us. We burst out laughing when we got far enough where we couldn't here he yelling. "That was great." I said, leaning on Ray. He was laughing to hard to talk. "Breath, Ray!" I yelled and elbowed him in the side. He put his hand to his chest and clamed down, "Sorry, that was just too funny." he said.

There was an announcement on the intercom and our bus was boarding. "Well, now it's time to get back there and face the old crow." he said, smiling. Ray put his arm around me and we walked back to our bus and waited in a line to get on. The old lady and her grandchildren were only a few people ahead of us and Ray said we'd try and get as far away from her as possible when we were on the bus.

Well, we got lucky, no one was sitting all the way in the back so we had privacy unless someone wanted to look back directly at us. The old lady was near the front, far from view.

There was an armrest between us and I lifted it up and leaned on Ray, "I'm tired." I said. "You're always tired." he said back, with a warm smile on his face. I yawned and buried my face in Ray's chest and commented that he was comfortable and warm. "Well, I'm glad I'm good for something." he joked. I leaned up a little and kissed him quickly on the cheek, "Wake me when we get there." I said.

"Oh, so now I'm you're pillow AND alarm clock?" he asked sarcastically. I nodded, "Yeah, now be quiet." I told him and fell asleep after a few minutes.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Wake up, sleepy head!" Ray yelled in my ear. I jumped on my seat and looked around. The bus was still moving and I looked at Ray and groaned, "We're not there." I said. Ry rolled his eyes, "Thank you, Captain Obvious. We're gonna be there in like 5 minutes." he informed me. I yawned and stretched my arms, taking care not to hit Ray in the face.

I leaned on Ray again and he put his arm around me, "How did you sleep?" he asked. I shrugged, "Alright, but I still feel like shit." I told him. He kissed the top of my head and then rested his head over mine, "Yeah, you're gonna feel like that fo a few days. But once we get back on the road I'm sure you'll be alright." he said. I sighed and tried to cuddle closer to him.

"What time is it?" I asked Ray. he shrugged, "No clue but it has to be around like midnight or something." he said, guessing. I sighed again, "Do you think your parents are gonna be pissed if you come stomping in the house this late at night?" I asked him. He shook his head, "Nah, my dad is picking us up from the bus station. I called him while you were sleeping."

After a few minutes the bus started to slow down and pulled into a parking lot and stopped. Because we were all the way in the back we had to wait for everyone to get off first. We waited at our seats until most people were off the bus and then we got off as well. I had no clue what Ray's dad looked like so he put his arm around me and we walked into the bus station.

"There he is!" Ray said, pulling me after him. His father was sitting on a bench, reading a newspaper. "Dad!" Ray yelled out. His father lowered the newspaper and saw Ray and I coming toward him. He folded the newspaper, put in under his arm and came toward us.

"Ray, you're late!" he yelled, pulling his son into a hug. Ray shugged, "Well, I wasn't driving." he said. His father said nothing but looked at me. "This is her?" he asked Ray. Ray nodded and smiled at me, "Yeah, this is Cathy. Cathy this is my dad." Ray said, introducing us.

"It's a pleasure to meet you, Cathy. I'm sorry but Ray misinformed you. I'm his younger brother." he said, smiling. Ray's father was an older man. Probably in his 60's with white hair showing from under his My Chemical Romance beanie. Talk about representing.

I laughed at what Ray's father had said and then told him I was glad to meet him also. "She's a pretty one." Ray's father said, pretending to whisper to Ray. I felt myslef blushing and Ray pulled me close to him. "Yeah, she's a keeper." he said to his dad.

Ray's father's face lit up and he smiled, "Well, come on kids. Your mother's up waiting for us." he said and lead us out of the station. We walked out into the parking lot and Ray had me sit in the front with his father and he sat in the back.

We drove out of the parking lot and then I realized it was snowing. Ray must have read my mind and he leaned over and said it was snowing. "Ray here is a snow fanatic. The boy will drag you outside in the dead of the night just so he can sit in the snow." Ray's dad said. We both blushed cause we had already done that.

"Now, Cathy, where are you from?" Ray's father asked. I said I was from Pennsylvania and he laughed, "Damn fuckinh hillbillies, no offense to you though." he said. I laughed, "It's ok. I was actually born in Brooklynn and then moved there was I was about 7." I told him. He nodded, "Yeah, lots of New York families move there. It's a lot safer there." he said to me.

A few moments later he parked in front of a house an said we were home. Ray got out of the car quickly and then opened my door for me. "Thanks." I said and then looked around. The place was beautiful. There was snow every and it was snowing lightly. The lights shined from some houses, making the street glow.

"Come on." Ray said softly, holding his arm out. I walked to his side and his arm dropped around my shoulders and we followed his dad into the house.

"RAY!" a woman shrieked and came running toward us and pulled Ray into a tight hug. I automatically knew it was his mother. Looking at his parents, I could tell Ray looked more like his father. His mom was kissing him on the cheek and complaining how skinny he was until Ray cleared his throat and waited until she calmed down.

"Mom, I want you to meet someone." he said, taking me by the hand and bringing me to his mom. She clapped his hands together and smiled, "Oh, Ray, she's beautiful! What's your name?" she asked. I smiled, not used to people calling me beautiful. "My name's Cathy." I said. She smiled and pulled me into a hug, "Now, I always say that Ray is too skinny, but sweetheart, you're too skinny." she said.

"Mom, calm down." Ray said, nearly prying me away from his mother. I was laughing lightly. She was so sweet and so was his dad.

"Are you kids hungry?" Ray's dad asked. We both shook our heads but Ray said that we just wanted to get some rest.

"Sure thing but since we weren't ready for a guest you two are gonna have to share a bed for the night if it's ok." Ray's father informed us. I said nothing but looked at Ray. He shrugged, "I don't mind. Do you, Cathy?" he asked me. I shook my head, "It's no big deal." I said.

Ray seemed content and he put his arm around, "Well, goodnight guys." Ray said and led me towards the stairs. "Goodnight, Mr and Mrs. Toro." I said. Ray's mom laughed, "You can call us mom and dad while your here!"

I smiled and nodded as Ray nearly dragged me up the stairs. "Just wait till you see my room." he said. I yawned and nodded. He led me down to the end of the hallway at the top of the stairs and opened the door slowly.

"What the..." he started and we both stepped inside. Now I was expecting a messy room with band posters everywhere and maybe a ton of cds scattered across the room. Well I was sorta right. He had the posters and the cds but it was so clean and organzied and smelled like flowers.

"Wow." I said sarcastically. Ray laughed, "I told my mom not to do anything while I was gone." he said and jumped on his bed.

"Come on, lay down with me." he said sitting agaisnt the headboard and patting next to him. The bed clearly was made for one person and there wasn't much room at all for me.

"Uh, I think your beds a little small." I said. Ray looked around at the bed, "NAh, we can fit. We just got to SNUGGLE WUGGLE!" he yelled. I found myself laughing and sat next to him. He forced me to lay down and put the blanket over both of us. I was almost falling off.

"Are you gonna be ok?" he asked. I shook my head, "Just move over a tad so I don't fall off." I said. Ray groaned, "But my fat ass is hanging off the bed already."

"What do you suggest I do?" I asked him. He was silent and then he gabbed me and pulled me on top of him so I was laying on top of him. "How about this?" he asked. I laughed and slid down his body a bit so my head was resting on his chest.

"Comfy." I said and yawned. His arms went around me and I could feel my eyelids getting heavy and soon I fell asleep.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I woke up the next morning only because the sun was shining in my eyes. I opened them and panicked for a moment and then remembered I was in Ray's room. He was still sleeping and during the night I ended up next to him, not on him and he had his arm over me and he was keeping me close to him like a little kid with a stuffed animal.

I had to admit, this was something nice to wake up to. I felt safer at that moment then I had ever felt in my life and I felt happy as well.

I turned over carefully so I could look at ay. His mouth was opened slightly and there was dried drool on his chin. It made me smile and I just watched as he breathed lightly as he slept. I never really looked at Ray's features before but now it was all I had to do. He was so handsome and cute. I never thought he was attractive cause I wasn't really looking for a relationship with him. I guess the relationship found me. I wasn't complaining but it's just that there are so many other girls who would kill to be in my place and they would try so hard and I did almost nothing. Well, maybe I suffered a bit but not to get Ray's attention.

While I thought about him, his eyes began to open and he just looked at me with hazy eyes and smiled, "Good morning." he said, yawning. I smiled at him, "You might want to chip away some of that drool." I said. He touched his face and felt the spots where his drool dried to his face.

"Oh, sorry. That must be so nasty to wake up to." he said, licking his fingers and wiping his face. I laughed, "Nope, don't worry about it. If it disgusted me I'd have turned away the moment I met you."

Ray smiled and leaned on me, "Well, I'm glad I'm not so repulsive." he said and buried his face in my neck and started sucking on the soft skin.

"Nooooo, Ray!" I cried out. It tickled so much and when I laugh too hard I pee so I tried backing away from him but all I did was fall off the bed, bringing Ray down with me.

"Good job." he said, smacking my thigh. I smacked him lightly on the cheek, "Get a haircut!" I joked. He touched his hazardous hair, "It's not that bad is it?" he asked. I shook my head, "If you didn't have the hair, I'd never find you if I was lost in a crowd." I told him while patting his cheek and getting up.

Ray was geting off the floor, ready to protest, when his mother came in the room. "Oh, good, you're up," she said, "It's time for breakfast. I made your favorite, Ray."

Ray's eyes lit up, "Pancakes!" he cried out and took me by the hand and dragged me past his mother and downstairs into the kitchen. His father was sitting at the table reading a newspaper and drinking coffee.

"Good morning, kids." he said as Ray pulled a chair out for me and then pushed it in for me as I sat down. "Good morning, dad." Ray said. I said the same thing, a little hesitant to call Ray's father 'dad' since he wasn't my dad.

"What's on the agenda for you two today?" Ray's dad asked. I shrugged and so did Ray, "I was thinking we could see a movie or maybe check out the comic store." he said.

"You want to borrow the car?" Ray's dad asked him. (Hell, I'll just call him dad now.) Ray nodded, "Yeah, if you don't need it or anything."

"Just fill up the tank and you're good." Dad said, throwing the keys to Ray. Ray caught them and set them on the counter.

I didn't realize it but Ray and I were both wearing the same clothes as yesterday. We must have been too tired to change. And I think I was in need of a shower and Ray was too. Seperate showers of course.

"Here you go, Cathy." Ray said to me, putting a plate in front of me. No lie, there was a mountain on my plate. Atleast 9 pancakes with a shitload of syrup and enough butter to clog my arteries in minutes.

"Ray, you've gotta be joking me." I said to him. He grinned, "Oh way, I forget the last touch." he said and got up. He grabbed a bottle of chocolate syrup from the fridge and poured it on the pancakes.

I shook my head, "You know I'll never be able to eat most of this." I told him. He pulled a chair close to me and sat down, "Well, duh! We're gonna share. Besides, I need to fatten you up, remember?" he said, getting close to my face.

"I think I hear the phone ringing." Dad said even though the phone wasn't ringing. Ray grinned and pressed his lips to mine quickly. "Eat or I'll tickle you." he warned me. I sighed and began eating. Ray did too. Well, if you could call it eating... Ray was shoveling like a whole pancake at a time in his mouth and hardly chewed.

"Dear god, slow down Ray, you're gonna get sick." I told him. He shook his head, "I'll be fine. Now eat up." he said and then jammed his mouth with another pancake. I finished one after he finished 4 and he was till going. When he finally ate the last pancake after I had 2, he began to groan and complain about his stomach.

"I told you so!" I laughed at his misery as he rubbed and begged his stomach for forgiveness. "You didn't eat much." he said to me. I shrugged, "Well, you sorta ate almost everything." I told him. He said there was more on the counter. Just to make Ray happy and show him I really did want to gain my weight back, I took bout 3 pancakes and ate them... slowly.

"You love teasing me don't you?" he asked after a few minutes. I smiled and opened my mouth, showing him the chewed up food. "Ew!" he squealed and covered his face. I shook my head, "You're so immature." I said, rolling my eyes.

"Yeah, yeah. Hurry up so we can get ready. I got some awesome places to show you." Ray said. A moment later dad came in the room and looked a little upset, "Cathy, can you come into the licing room, please?" he asked. I nodded and got up. I went to put the dirty dish in the sink but Ray took it for me and told me to go and said he'd be there in a minute.

I went into the living room, wondering why dad called me here in the fist place when I saw Mikey and Gerard sitting on the couch. They both stood up when they saw me and I watched as dad went upstairs quickly.

"Hi, guys." I said, sounding a little curious and scared. I didn't know why they needed to talk to me and not Ray.

"Hey, Cathy. You feeling better?" Gerard asked politely. I just nodded, "I'm gonna get better." I told him. Gerard gave me a weak smile, "Well, that's good. You'll have all the time you need to recover." he said. I looked at him a little confused.

Mikey stepped over to me and handed me two envelopes. "Listen, the crew talked to our manager and you're gonna be replaced. One envelope is your pay check and the other is the letter from the record label as to why you were fired."

"Are you kidding me?" I asked. Mikey spoke this time, "We tried our best but it's like the roadies are just out to get you." he said. I couldn't believe this. This was incredibly unfair.

"Do you understand how much I need this job?" I asked them. They both looked guilty and stared at their feet. "Listen, Cathy, there's nothing we can do. We tried, I'm serious. We tried to keep you but it was no use."

I didn't know what to say and I just shook my head. A moment later Ray came out and looked at me, to Gerard, and then to Mikey. "What's going on?" he asked. I threw the envelopes at Gerard and ran upstairs and straight into Ray's room. I clsoed the doo behind me and leaned against it and fell to the floor.

A few minutes later Ray was pounding on the door and begging for me to open up. "Cathy, please open the door. It's not the end of the world. I can find you another job." he told me.

After almost 15 minutes of this I got up and opened the door. My cheeks were wet with tears and I wiped them, sniffling like the sob story I was.

"Cathy, I'm sorry. I had no clue this was going to happen." he said, coming closer to me, ready ot take me in his arms and I backed away.

"It's your band. Can't you just try a little harder to get my job back?" I asked him rather coldy. At the moment I hated everyone. I just couldn't believe that Anna and everyone hated me so much that they got me fired and now ruined my life.

I was crying harder then ever and I started coughing so much and couldn't breathe. I was feeling dizzy now and Ray come over to me and put his arms around me. I tried to push him off but I was too weak and I just coughed and cried against his chest.

"I'm really sorry. There's nothing I'll be able to do. But don't worry. I promise I'll take care of you." he said, kissing me on my forehead and wiping my tears away.

I clinged to him even more, "I need you more then ever, Ray." I sobbed. Ray nodded and tightened his hug on me, "I know. Now come on and lay down." he said and brought me over to his bed.

It was when I had my head resting on his chest that I realized that he was going to be gone after the holidays and I'd be on the streets. I couldn't freeload off him and his family. It wasn't like me to be like that and I knew I was going to have to find a job and my own place before the holidays were over. I didn't even know how much I made. I don't know where my check was but I wasn't in the mood to look for it.
"Cathy, I love you." Ray said to me as I thought about things. I was playing with his shirt when he said it and I lifted my head, "But why?" I asked him instead of responding with an 'I love you,too.'

Ray looked a little shocked because I didn't say what he wanted me to say. I apologized and got off the bed, "I need to go for a walk." I said to him and left his room and went downstairs.

I put my shoes at the door, and saw the envelopes on the couch. I took them and went outside in the cold without a jacket. I had no clue where I was going but it just had to be as far away from Ray as possible.

When I had been walking for nearly an hour and felt frozen like a popsicle, I opened one of the envelopes. It was that letter.

Miss. Gable,
We reget to inform you that after several complaints from you co-workers, who will remain unidentified, that we feel you are unable to perform the job assigned to you. You have a maximum of ten days to collect your items off your bus and we ask you refrain from any contact with the band and the crew members. We are sorry about your trouble and wish you good luck in finding another job.

Sincerly,
Ryan Terrance

I crumbled the letter and threw it to the ground and kept walking. I opened up the second envelope and took out my check. It was for $1365. 65. I had no clue I had that much. Maybe I wasn't in such a bad position after all. I could find an apartment and a job. But not many people are looking for high school drop outs. Or I could go back to selling myself. No one would know or stop me. Unless someone found out about my age. I could work at a diner or something. I'll just go back to New York and try and start all over. It can't be that hard. Can it?

"Cathy, get in the car!" I heard Ray's voice. He was a little bit down the street standing next to his car. I had no clue he followed me. I admited defeat and walked over to him.

"You really want to die don't you? You can't just go out withou a jacket. You're only gonnna get even more sick." he said to me, taking his jacket off and putting it on me. I couldn't even look up at him.

Ray sighed when he noticed that I was in a really shitty mood. "Look, I know you're upset but you don't have to worry about. Just get in the car and we'll talk about it. Ok?" he suggested, not waiting for answer he led me to the passenger side and helped me in.

I watched as he shivered in the cold. He only had a t-shirt on since he just gave me his coat. I felt bad for him. But should I feel bad for him or should I feel bad for myself? And should he feel bad for me? I didn't know. I didn't know a lot of things. It just made things worse in my mind.

Ray got in the car and we started driving around his neighborhood. He showed me places where he spent his childhood. He told me about his life. He told me his secrets, his fears, his deepest desires. Everything I didn't know about him, he told me.

"Listen, my parents want to give you my room. You can stay with them while I'm gone and they said they want you in school at least. You don't have to worry about money. We have more then enough. Just take it into consideration." Ray said when we got back to his house.

Ray helped me out of the car and we were walking to the house when I stopped him. "Ray, I want to go home." I told him. I think his heart shattered into pieces but he said if it was what I really wanted then he'd take me home and I'd have my old life back.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"I didn't expect you moving back in." My dad said as Ray and I sat at the kitchen table, telling him of my decision.

It was 3 days after Christmas. I spent it with Ray's family and it was so sad because I enjoyed it so much and I was forcing myself to leave and I wasn't sure why.

"200 dollars a month." My father finally said. My eyes went wide, I didn't think he'd chagre me rent. I mean, I was his own flesh and blood. This proves water can be thicker then blood.

I nodded silently and I think Ray felt betrayed. He must think I hate him since I was going to be paying to stay with people who hate me instead of staying for free with people who cared about me. The best thing about this was that I could be with my brother.

"Cathy's home!" Michael yelled and ran over to me and hugged, "Does this mean it'll be like it was before you left?" he asked. I looked at Ray for a moment and then bent down and picked up Michael and swung him aorund, "Yes, it'll be like it used to be. We'll have so much fun!" I told him and kissed him on the cheek before putting him down.

Michael giggled and ran off to his room. My father looked at me, he seemed amused. "So why is it you want to come back?" he asked. I shrugged, "I just missed my old life." I told him.

I felt Ray's hand go around my wrist, "Can I talk to you alone?" he asked. I nodded and he dragged me into the living room. "You're here because of Michael, aren't you?" he asked me. I sighed and nodded, "Yeah. I just don't want him to be subjected to all of my parents bullshit. I want to be there for him."

"You're not doing this because of me, are you?" he asked. I shook my head and gave him a weak smile, "No, it was never because of you. Besides, you'll be gone so it doesn't matter where I stay." I told him.

"Good. But I have another question." he said. I told him to tell me and looked a little nervous, "Are you still gonna be my girlfriend?" he asked. I smiled, "Of course." I responded. He smiled back and leaned down to kiss me when we heard my father come in and clear his throat, "Well, I think it's time for Ray to leave." he said.

I couldn't argue. Because of our arrangements, it was almost like I had never been emancipated. He could kick me out if I didn't do anything and I didn't want that to happen.

"I'll walk you to your car." I said. Ray and I put our shoes on and went outside. It was cold and I was only wearing a sweatshirt.

Ray took my hand and we walked over to his car at the end of the driveway and we both stood in front of it. "I'm gonna miss you." Ray said. I smiled, "Yeah, yeah. Just make sure you call me or else I'll go out of my mind." I told him.

"So, this is goodbye." he said. I nodded and we just stood there awkwardly for a few moments before I said, "Fuck it!" and grabbed him by his jacket and pulled him close to me so I could press my lips to his.

We had to be out there for almost a half hour, freezing our asses off during our first real make out session and it would be the last one for a long time. As I pulled away, I wondered how I'd survive without having his amazing kisses at hand. It was gonna be rough and I only just realized it.

"Bye." he said, leaning down again an kissing me quickly and lightly. I said goodbye and watched as he got in his car and began to pull out of the driveway. I was beginning to walk back to the house when Ray beeped the horn and pulled back into the driveway and he got out of the car and ran to me.

"Wait, I forgot something." he said. He kissed me quickly like he has just done and smiled, "I love you." he said. I smiled, not realizing how he really felt or that I felt the same way about him as well.

"I love you, too, Ray." I told him and kissed him deeply for a few moments before we both stepped away from each other and said our final goodbyes. This time I watched him leave before going into the house.

I was smiling when I walked inside, my mom was looking at me oddly but I didn't care. I was just so happy like I had just gone a first date or something.

I went in Michael's room where he was playing a video game and I sat on his bed. "Did Ray go home?" he asked me, not looking away from the game. He was like Ray, so addicted to games that he could never break his stare away from the tv screen unless you forced him.

"Yeah, he went home." I said. I sounded happy but it was wearing off and I just wasn't too excited to have him gone. It was weird just for these few minutes now because I had been in his company for so long and it's just odd not having him around me.

Michael continued playing his game but asked, "Do you love Ray like Mommy loves Daddy?" he asked. He paused his game and turned around and stared at me with big eyes. I smiled, "Yeah, I love Ray just like Mommy love Daddy." I told him.

"So, you're gonna be a mommy and he's gonna be a daddy, right?" he asked. I laughed a little and shook my head, "I don't think so, Michael. I'm too young to be a mommy and I don't think Ray's ready to be a daddy." I told him softly.

"I don't like be the littlest. I want someone else to be littler then me." he said, pouting. I smiled and got off the bed and dived at him and began tickle, "But if you weren't so little I'd never be able to do this to you." I said as he giggled.

We stopped after a few minutes and we laid next to each other on the floor. He yawned, "I'm glad you came home, Cathy. I missed you so much." he said and cuddled against me. I kissed the top of his head, "I missed you more then you could know." I told him as he closed his eyes and fell asleep.

After a few minutes I picked him up and put him to bed. He didn't wake up so I kissed him gently on the forehead and tucked him in. I closed the door and turned off the lights as I left his room.

"Cathy, I need to have a word with you." My father called from the kitchen as I headed to my room. I sighed and went to him.

My father had been reading the evening newspaper and looked up at me, "Sit down." he said. I sat as far away from him as possible.

"You remember that man, Jeffery, from California who I used to work with, right?" he asked me. I nodded, faintly remembering the man he was talking about. "His son owns a recording studio in California and is looking for someone to work for him and I said you'd be perfect. It's up to you, do you want the job?" he asked me.

As big of an asshole my father was, this was actually kinda nice. That sounded like a cool job. "I don't know. I kinda want to stay here." I said to him. "Well, you wouldn't start until the summer time."

I thought about it for a few minutes and then agreed. "I guess so. What's the pay like?" I asked him. My dad was thinking and then told me I'd make anywhere near $60,000 a year. My jaw dropped, "That's really good." I told him. he nodded, "Yes, it is. So do you want me to give them a call?" he asked me. I nodded, "Yeah."

My father grinned and asked me to leave as he called. I went to my room, very happy. Maybe coming home wasn't such a bad idea after all.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

It was New Year's Eve and Michael was sitting on my lap as we watched tv, waiting for midnight. Our parents were out at some huge party getting wasted like they did every year. Then they'd come home, puke, and make me clean it up.

Michael was exhausted. He had his head against my chest and kept yawning but he was determined to stay up until midnight for the first time. He was almost there, he had an hour to go.

As we watched I heard a crash outside and immediatly got up, holding Michael in my arms. He became wide awake now and pushed him self off me and jumped to the floor.

I kneeled on the couch and looked out the window. I couldn't see anything besides a car driving away from our road. Michael climbed on the couch and looked out with me, "What do you see?" he whispered. I continued staring out, "I don't know but I'm scared."

"Me too." he said and clung to me. "Come on, Michael." I told him, taking him by the hand and bringing him into the kitchen. I pushed him into the pantry and gave him a rolling pin that was to heavy for him and he had to hold it with both hands.

"I'm gonna go and see what's outside. If anyone comes in and tries to get you, hit them with this. Ok?" I told him. He nodded, "Ok, but what happens if nothing is outside?" he asked me. "I'll tell you to come out." I said, closing the pantry doo but turning the light on inside for him.

I grabbed a large knife from one of the drawers and grabbed a jacket and went outside. I didn't see anything and I regretted not bringing a flashlight. I saw something move near the middle of the drive way and I watched as the figure came closer to me.

"Get the fuck away from me you freak!" I screamed when the person was only ten feet away from me and waving my knife everywhere. The person put there hands up trying to defend themselves, "Cathy, it's me!"

The person stepped closer and I could just make out his face from the light coming fom the house. I dropped the knife in the snow and jumped on him, "Oh my god! What are you doing here?" I asked him, kissing him on the face over and over again. It had only been a ouple of days but I missed him since the second he left.

"I wanted to see you, to spend New Year's together." he told me. I smiled, "Don't scare me like that ever again. I mean, poor Michael..." I started and then remembered he was in the pantry. "Shit, I have him in the pantry!" I yelled and ran into the house.

I went straight to the kitchen and opened the pantry door. Michael was sitting on a cardboard box, sleeping soundly. I smiled and sighed then picked him up.

Ray was inside and he saw me bring him out of the pantry. "I'll be right back, I'm gonna put him to bed." I said and brought Michael to his room. I tucked him in and kissed his forehead before joining Ray in the living room.

"Now, how about a hello kiss." he said and pulled me into his arms and lowered his head in for a kiss. His lips were chapped and they felt rough against mine but I wasn't complaining. I was the one to pull away an glanced at the tv. There was another 15 minutes to go.

Ray sat on the couch and pulled me on his lap. He put his hands on my hips, "I was lonely without you. I'm so used to having you around all the time that it's just not normal not seeing you." he told me. I gave him a weak smile and leaned on him and kissed him softly, "I missed you too." I said, pulling away.

I got off his lap and sat next to him and leaned on him, resting my head on his shoulder. he occasionally kissed my forehead as we watched the ball drop and when it did I smiled, "Happy New Year." I whispered to Ray. He smiled back and kissed me. It was a deep kiss and I found myself on his lap again and putting my ams around his neck. He pulled back for a second and said, "Happy New Year." back to me.

"God, I want you so badly." Ray said to me after a few minutes and began to kiss and nibble at my neck. "Is it ok with you?" he asked me. I just moaned and nodded. He grinned and went back to kissing at my neck and I felt his hands grab at the hem of my shirt.

Ray kissed me quickly on the lips before pulling off my t-shirt. I wasn't wearing a bra because I was dressed for bed and wasn't exactly expecting comapny.

Ray's lips slid from my neck to my breasts and began to bite and suck at my nipples. I moaned and threw my head back. My hands were around his neck and I began to play with his hair a bit.

I reached out and pulled Ray's hoodie off of him and then pulled off his t-shirt. I leaned down and kissed the exposed, pale flesh. His arms went aound me and his cold hands touched my back and I gasped.

"You're hands are so cold." I said to him. He smiled and kissed me and brought his hands to my cheeks. I pulled back, "Stoooop." I whined. "Sorry." he said and pouted his lower lip. I grinned and took his lip into my mouth and bit at it gently.

My hands ran down his chest and straight to his belt buckle. Ray moved his head to my shoulder and nibbled and sucked at my neck, leaving his mark for the world to see the next day. I'm gonna have fun explaining that to my mom in the morning.

"I can't get your belt off." I said to Ray after several failed attempts to unbuckle his stupid belt. He rolled his eyes and undid it quickly. I pulled it through the loops and through it on the floor.

Ray had me get off of him and he pulled my pajama bottoms down. I was wearing boxer shorts instead of regular underwear and he smiled, "Not found of thongs, I guess." he said.

I raised and eyebrow and said sarcastically, "There is no way I'm gonna go around with a piece of cloth shoved up my ass all day." Ray laughed and pulled my shorts down, making sure to rub my thighs on the way down.

Ray stood up now and I pulled his pants, leaving only his boxers. "Ae you ready for this?" he said, jokingly. I shook my head at his stupidity but said I was. He pulled down his boxers and I saw how hard his cock was and smiled, "And I think you're very ready." I told him. He blushed and shrugged, "I'm a guy, give me a break."

"I hope you know how to use that thing." I said to him. He grinned, "Oh, just you wait." he said and threw me on the couch and laid on top of me. He kissed me gently on the lips and then became rough. He attcked my neck again and moved down my chest to my stomach and then he began to kiss the insides of my thighs. He was teasing. I hated it when people teased but with Ray I didn't mind at all.

After a few moments moved his head up a little and I could feel his lips and tongue at my folds and began to moan uncontrollably. He knew exactly what to do and just as I could feel an orgasm coming he pulled away and sat up.

"Ray!" I whined and pouted. He gave me an evil grin, "You have to wait to get what you want." he said. I sighed, "You're so mean." He just shrugged, "Oh well. Get used to it." he said.

I got switched it up and made Ray lay on the couch. I kissed and sucked at the skin on his chest and then down to his stomach. I kissed kiss thighs, leaving a nice mark on his inner thigh. I moved back up and kissed him. He had his eyes closed and was just waiting for something.

"Open your eyes." I told him. He opened them and I smiled, "You have beautiful eyes, don't close them." I said to him as I lowered myself down again and quickly took his cock in my mouth.

He let out a loud groan and started bucking his hips quickly. I had to hold his hips down with my hands as I sucked on his sensitive tip and used my tongue to play with the slit.

"So fucking good." he muttered. I smiled though he wouldn't be able to tell since my mouth was a little busy and I proceded to relax my throat muscles and I took more and more of him in.

After a few moments Ray took my hand that was on his hip and held it tightly, "Stop, stop." he said. I pulled away from him and let his cock fall from my mouth with a loud, slurping sound.

"I want to be in you." he said. I knew what he meant and I smiled weakly. "I want you in me, too." I told him. he got himself off the couch and took the blanket that was draped over the back of the couch and laid it out on the floor.

Ray took my hand and laid me down on the floor and then laid next to me. His rough, calloused hand ran though my hair and he leaned over me and began kissing me. "I'm so happy I found you." he said to me. I smiled, "Me too.'

Ray pulled himself on top of me and spread my legs to allow him to enter me. "You ready?" he asked. I nodded enthusiastically. He took a hold of his cock and placed it at my entrance and slowly began to enter me.

"Ray, you don't have to be gentle. I'm not a virgin." I said. He nodded and then quickly slammed his entire length in me. "My god!" I cried out. With all the men I had slept with, none had been as well endowed has Ray had been. I smiled to myself and let Ray slam into me hard and rough.

I was moaning uncontrollably and Ray let out an occasional grunt when he had to slow down so he wouldn't blow his load too soon. It was obvious Ray hadn't gotten any in awhile because he looked like he was in total heaven.

"So... fucking... god!" he screamed out, not making any sense. He was close. I could tell he was by his breathing and the fact that he had lost his rhythm. "Almost there." I said to him, feeling a powerful climax approaching. He just pounded into me faster.

He was thrusting so hard that we were off the blanket and my back was rubbing against the hard, rough carpet. I could feel the rug burn but didn't care. I was enjoying this too much.

Finally Ray cried out and came in me and then collapsed on me, his head resting on my chest. "So fucking amazing." he mumbled, pulling his soft cock out of me. He raised his head up weakly, "I love you." he said quietly and then put his head back down.

I smiled and kissed the top of his head, "I love you, too." I told him. We were both spent and exhausted. I was about to fall asleep like then when I heard a cry. We both looked up to see Michael staring at us. He looked like a deer caught in the headlight as Ray and I both stumbled and got up, trying to cover ourselves up.

Michael ran back to his room and I looked at Ray, "Fuck, he'll tell my parents." I said to him. I quickly found my clothes and put them on. Ray did as well and he kissed me quickly, "Just go talk to him." he said.

I nodded and went to Michael's room and knocked on the door. Michael was laying on his bed, crying. "Michael, why are you crying?" I asked, quickly sitting next to him and hugging him.

"I was bad. I shouldn't have gone in there and now you're gonna be mad at me." he sobbed. I kissed him on the forehead and wiped his tears, "I'm not mad. It was my fault, we shouldn't have been out there. But you can't tell mommy or daddy or else you'll never see me again." I told him. He rubbed his eyes and nodded.

"Now why were you out there?" I asked him. He looked up at me, looking a little scared, "I heard crying and I thought you were hurt." he said. "How about I get you some ice cream. Would you like that?" I asked him. He smiled and nodded.

I took Michael by the hand and led him out to the kitchen. Ray came in with us. "Hey, little man, you ok?" Ray asked him. Michael nodded and as he sat at the table.

I took out the ice cream and put it in a bowl for Michael. "Isn't a little late for ice cream?" Ray asked. I just looked at him, "How about we be nice to Michael so my parents don't find out. Besides, we just scarred the poor kid for life. Your body isn't exactly perfect." I joked. He stuck his tongue out at me as I went past him and gave Michael his ice cream.

"You told me you and Ray didn't want to be a mommy and a daddy." he told me. Oh dear lord, he knows how babies our made. What the heck are they teaching little kids in kindergarten now a days.

I didn't say anything but Ray grabbed me by the arm and pulled me away from Michael and whispered in my ear, "We didn't use a condom."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Ray had stayed the night, sleeping in my bed with me even though it was cramped. But we really did sleep; we were so tired from last night that when Ray got in bed, he fell asleep before I pulled the covers over the two of us.

"Ray, you need to wake up." I said quietly, shaking him lightly. He wasn't wearing a shirt and I wondered how he wasn't as cold as I was. He groaned and turned so his back was to me.

I sighed and pressed myself against his back and kissed his neck, "You know, if you loved me you'd wake up." I said, jokingly. He grunted and turned over and looked at me, "I do love you, but I wake for no one." he said and turned around again.

"Ray, you need to get back to Jersey. You need to leave early." I told him as I ran my hand up and down his side. His skin was so smooth and soft but pale and cold.

"You're freezing cold." I said, pulling the blanket more over him then me. Ray turned around and pulled me close to his cool skin and I gasped, "Cold!"

Ray chuckled and then I brought my head down a bit and nipped at the skin on his shoulder. He became silent and I heard him purr slightly. I pulled away, "Now get changed and I'll get you something to eat." I told him.

Ray sighed and got off the bed with me. He grabbed me and pulled me into his arms, "Have I told you how much I love you?" he asked. I smiled, "Only about ten million times." I replied. He smiled back, "Well here's the ten millionth and one time. I love you." he said.

My heat just melted and I pushed him back on the bed and attacked his lips with my own. "Whoa, someone's horny." Ray joked as I sucked at his nipples. He seemed to like it a lot and he moaned.

"Well, someone has sensitive nipples." I told him. He blushed, "So what? It's not my fault." he defended himself. I grinned and leaned on him to kiss him as I snuck my hand up and grabbed him by his nipple and twisted it hard and yelled, "Name 5 types of cereals!"

Ray stuttered and cried out, not knowing what to think. His eyes were watering and he was begging for mercy. I twisted his nipple more and he stuttered as he said, "Rice Kris... Krispies. C-Co-co Pebb....les. Uh, oh god! Um, Golden Grams. Luck...y Charms and um... Jesus, think of a cereal. Cheerios!" he cried out. I let go of his nipple and laughed uncontrollably. I hadn't done that to someone in months, since before I left Pennsylvania the first time.

"Fuck, that hurt. What was the for?" he complained, rubbing at his sore, red nipple. It took me a few minutes before I could stop laughing. I had tears in my eyes and my ribs were killing me but I finally stopped laughing.

"I used to do that all the time. It gets funnier and funnier every time." I said to him. He shook his head but he was smiling and he just leaned on me and kissed me, "So funny. Now I'm hungry and you're making me food." he said.

As we were walking upstairs I remembered last night and turned to face Ray, "Do you think anything's gonna happen since we didn't use a condom?" I asked quietly. I didn't know if anyone was up and I didn't want to get in trouble.

Ray shook his head but I could tell he wasn't sure of himself, "Nothing's gonna happen. I mean... it was only this one time. The chances of you getting pregnant are a million to one."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A million to one. That what he said my chances were. A million to one and now he's off touring and I'm here trying to hide the fact my stomach is growing, I have the urge to throw up every ten minutes, and that I'm beginning to eat like a pig.

It's almost summer and I'm supposed to be leaving fo California soon. How can I work with this thing in me and I haven't even told Ray. Michael doesn't even know and my parents can never know. I felt so dirty lying to Ray every night. Maybe I should just tell him. But what if he gets mad? He'll kill me or leave me and then I'll have no one.

I had to stop thinking about it or else I'd go insane. I rubbed my stomach and said, "I hope you're not gona be as crazy your mommy." I told him. I don't know but I had a feeling it was gonna be a boy.

I was home alone at the moment. Michael was at school and my parents were both at work. The phone rang, making me jump in my seat. I got off the couch and picked up the phone it was Ray.

"Hey, sexy. How you doing? Are you feeling better?" he asked me. I had told him I had the flu. I told him I was feeling better but my stomach still hurt. He wanted to know if I needed to go back to the hospital in case I was getting sick like before all over again.

"I swear I'm fine, Ray." I told him. He wouldn't stop worrying and I smiled, thinking he'd make such a great father if only I'd just tell him. But I kept my mouth shut and let him ramble on about the tour like he did every day he called. God help his phone bill...

I sighed after a few minutes and Ray's stopped and asked if something was wrong, "No, I'm fine. I'm just hungry. That's all." I told him and I was. I had a craving for some pasta so I held the cordless phone to my ear and went to work making myself lunch.

There was a beep on the line and I told Ray to hold on a second and switched lines, "Hello?" I said. It was the school nurse telling me Michael was sick and needed to be taken home. I told her I'd be there in a few minutes. I wasn't supposed to drive since all I had was a permit but my baby brother needed me so Super Sister to the rescue!

I told Ray I had to go and was heading for the door when I had to run to the bathroom to throw up. I wish Ray was here was I didn't have to go through this alone. He stayed by me when I was sick when he didn't have to but this was differnt. This was gonna be his child.

I wiped the vomit away from my mouth, brushed my teeth, and then headed out again. Feeling like total shit I made it to the school and got my brother who had a fever.

"You feeling ok?" I asked him as we got in the car. He shook his head and pointed to his throat. He wasn't really able to talk. He sat in the back seat, too young to be in the front and I made sure his seat belt was on.

As we were heading back we heard screaming and cars honking and then a loud crash and the car was thrown off in some random direction. I couldn't tell. It just happened so fast.

I opened my eyes and looked around. We had gotten hit by a truck. I was fine though my arm had a gash on it from the glass that had broken and I looked around. Michael. He was in his seat and he wasn't moving.

"Michael!" I screamed as people came over and tried getting me out of the car. I sceamed his name again but he didn't move. It was when I saw his head fall limply to the side I knew I had killed my baby brother.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Ray flew out from Texas to be with me when he found out about the accident. I had lost all will to live. I stayed locked in my room, eating just enough for the baby inside me that Ray had no clue about.

It had been two days since the accident. I blamed myself for killing my brother but it wasn't my fault at all. We were going down hill and a truck behind us slammed into us from behind. The driver had fallen asleep at the wheel because of drugs he had taken. He was the murderer.

As I laid in my bed, crying though no tears came out. I had no tears left. There was a gentle knock on my door and Ray stuck his head in. It was the first time I had seen him in months and he came over and laid with me. Not saying a word and he held me in his arms.

"It's gonna be okay." he whispered to me, kissing my head. I began to cry harder and soon I felt wet drops fall on my skin. Ray was crying. "Ray, I miss him." I told him. he nodded, "I know."

"He never wanted to be the smallest. He always told me he wanted to be grown up with his own kids and then he wouldn't be the smallest and now he'll always be the smallest." I cried. Ray held me tighter, "Cathy, he's in a better place. He's in heaven playing with kids smaller then him and he'll be as big as he wants. He's watching down on you and he's telling you how much he loves you. He doesn't want you to cry. He never waned you to cry." Ray told me gently.

I imagined what Ray was telling me, smiling because I could see Michael doing just that and I cried again but it was happy tears because at least he wasn't in pain.

We didn't say anything. I fell asleep in his arms but I woke up alone. I looked around, scared for a moment. I almost expected Michael to be in my bed, telling me he had a nightmare and wanted to spend the night with me but would later say he wasn't afaid cause he was almost six and almost six was almost a grown up.

The door opened and Ray came in, "Hey, how are you feeling?" he asked, sitting at the end of the bed. I sat up and looked down at my lap, "It doesn't feel right not having him around me."

My stomach started grumbling and I thought this half gown baby in me must be starving. Then I remembered Ray had no clue. I looked up at Ray and he was just staring at me. I had to tell him.

"I need something to eat." I said. I felt better telling him after I got found in my stomach. But I needed a way to tell Ray.

When Ray and I got upstairs my parents sat at the kitchen table in silence. They looked pale and had bag under their eyes. They just glared at me, sending me signs of pure hatred.

I couldn't take it and I just ran out of the room and ran to Michael's room and laid in his bed and curled up in his sheets with his stuffed animals and tried my best to keep as much of him as close as possible.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I never told Ray that I had his child. He stayed with me for a few days, trying his best to keep me from letting myself waste away. After the funeral he had no choice and he rejoined his band on the road again.

I had to admit, if I had never had Ray to talk to on the phone everynight, I'd be insane. I talked to him more then ever. I must have annoyed him but he seemed to understand I was lonely.

Then I told him I was going to California. "Are you serious? That's great!" he told me. I thought he'd be angry but he wasn't.

"If I wasn't in the band I'd kill for a job like that. It sucks cause I was gonna see if you wanted to go on Warped with us since we can take whoever we want on that but this is cool." he said to me. At least he wasn't upset with me.

I sighed on the phone and Ray sensed something was wrong, "You feeling ok?" he asked. I nodded even though he couln't see me, "Yeah, just tired, that's all." I answered him.

"Do you need to rest? I can go if you want." he told. He was always so worried about me and now more then ever. He said I was 'fragile' at the time being. I guess he was right.

I heard a car pull up in the driveway and knew it was my dad. I told Ray I was gonna go rest and hung up. I bolted into the kitchen and poured a cup of coffee and set it at the table with evening newspaper and coffee creamer.

The front door open and in came my father looking gruffy and annoyed as usual. "You make my coffee?" he asked. I nodded and pulled his seat out for him, "Good now get outta here. You better have your stuff ready. You're getting the fuck outta here tomorrow." he told me.

I nodded again and ran downstairs and straight to my room and began packing. I was beginning to feel excited. Finally I was getting the fuck out of here.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

It was around midnight and everyone was sleeping. I snuck out of the house, car keys in my pocket and I took their car. I wasn't going far. The cemetary was only a few miles away.

I parked on the side of the road, the entrance was gated shut and I climbed over it. I knew exactly where I was going even though it was dark. I had done it before and was very used to it.

I finally came to the headstone I was looking for. Michael's grave. I sat down and laid next to the grave. I never told anyone I did this. They would think I was insane but I felt Michael's presence. He was laying next to me like we used to do in bed.

I started crying, telling Michael I was sorry. I could almost feel his small arms go around me and hear his childish voice tell me not to cry. "You're always gonna be with me. I'll never let go of you." I said and sat up. I kissed the headstone and dug in my pocket and put a small, wallet sized picture of me and him from when he was first born.

"I love you, Michael." I whispered and left the cemetary with Michael next to me, in front of me, in the car, everywhere.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I was on the plane, almost in California. I was pretty excited and was dying for the plane to land. I had talked to Ray this morning and he told me he'd come to visit me in a week if possible.

When I landed this guy, Jeff's son, Danny was gonna pick me up. Danny was going to be my boss and I was going to be living with him from now on.

I was almost bouncing in my seat when we landed and got off the plan as soon as I could. There was a man waving a sign and I knew it was Danny.

Danny was young, only 25 or so. He had a nice tan, dark hair that was in his eyes and some stubble. He looked a little gruffy, but he was attractive.

"Cathy!" he called me name and waved to me. I went over and he took my bag in his hand, "It's nice to finally meet you. Your dad didn't tell me you were pregnant." he said, eyeing my stomach as he shook my hand. I blushed and smiled, "I guess he forgot to mention it." I said.

Truth was my dad had no clue. My parents assumed I just got fat cause I was eating so much. When Ray had last saw me he told me he was glad I had gained weight but if he saw me now he'd say I was plain old fat.

"When are you due?" Danny asked as we left the airport and got a taxi. "Um, I don't know. I never went to a doctor but I think it would sometime in September." I told him. Why was I telling him this. I barely knew him but I felt at ease with him like I'd know him my whole life.

"Well, when we get to the house I'll let you rest and then tomorrow I'll show you the studio. If you feel up to it, I was planning on taking you out for dinner. It's entirely up to you." He told me. He had a nice voice. It was smooth and calm.

I told him dinner sounded like a good idea and he smiled, saying nothing. When we got to his house I gasped. He heard and smiled as we got out of the taxi.

His house had 5 floors, a huge water fountain in the front, a lot of land. Just about everything. The guy was filthy fucking rich and I was gonna be living with him. Thank you God!

"Come on, I'll show you around." Danny said after paying the taxi driver and led me inside. For a moment I wondered why we took a cab if he was rich but I let it go when we stepped inside. The house was freaking huge and beautiful.

Danny showed me where I was gonna be sleeping and where his room was. He showed me the multiple living rooms, kitchen, dining rooms, game rooms, and everything else. There was a big pool in the backyard along with some of the greenest grass I had ever seen in my life.

"Now I think you should get some rest and I'll get you when it's time to go." Danny told me. He was very nice. I just nodded and he led me to my room. "If you need anything at all, just ask me and feel free to help yourself to anything at all." he said, leaving the room and closing the door behind him.

I fell back on the big bed in the center of the room, mentally saying I should call Ray but I was too tired to move and I feet asleep in a few moments.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

It felt like it was only a few minutes later when Danny shook me lightly, "Cathy, come on. You need to get ready. I'm taking you somewhere special tonight." he said. I groaned and he helped me get my fat but up.

I rubbed my stomach lightly and he looked at me, "Who's is it?" he asked. I knew he meant the baby. I couldn't tell him it was Ray's. It wouldn't be right because not even Ray knew I was pregnant. I lied and told Danny I didn't know. He took my hand in his and kissed it, "That's so sad but if you ever need anything I'm here for you."

I told Danny I'd be fine as he left the room. I went in the bathroom that connected to the bedroom and turned on the shower. As I stood in the shower, letting the warm water hit my body, I thought about Ray and his baby.

I had to tell him. Everyday was another day closer to when I have this baby. Would Ray want it? Would he want me? So many questions and they were unanswered because I was too afraid to ask Ray.

I got out of the shower and dried off. When I went back into the bedroom, I noticed there was a phone on one of the dressers and I picked it up and dialed Ray's cell phone number.

The phone rang a few times and I got Ray's voice mail: "Yo, this is Ray, the giant hairball's number. Leave me a message and if I can hear through my force field of hair, I'll give you a call. Speak at the beep!"

There was the beep and I laughed, "I hate you're message, Ray. It's me, duh! I just wanted to tell you I'm in California and I'm at Danny's house. He's taking me out to eat in a little bit. But there's another reason why I called and I don't feel comfortable saying it on your voice mail so if you could be around your phone at around midnight, I'll call you again cause I don't know the number for where I'm at. I love you and you're shaggy head, bye." I said. I was a little disappointed but also glad because it gave me time to think about how to tell Ray.

There was a knock at the door and Danny asked if I was ready. I told him I'd be out in a few moments and quickly got changed. All I had were large t-shirts and pants with elastic waist bands so I could have clothes to cover my monster stomach.

"You better be teasing me cause if you're as big as you seem by my stomach, you're staying in there.." I said to my stomach. All of a sudden I felt a kick and it sorta tickled but it was really uncomfortable. "Okay, okay, sorry." I said and patted my stomach and finished getting ready.

When I was done, which took like all of five minutes I came out. Danny was waiting right outside my door and he smiled, "You ready?" he asked. I nodded and he held out his arm and I took it and we went downstairs, him helping me waddle my but down the steps.

"I was thinking, maybe this weekend you would like to go shopping. Maybe get some baby clothes and some for you." he suggested, "Yeah, they' be great." I told him. I don't know, but with the whole hormones unbalanced, I was doing stuff I would never do in my life, like accepting something for free. Oh who fucking cares. I needed to get baby stuff and he wants to pay for it, I'm not complaining.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

We went out to dinner and then came back to the house. We were in the main living room, talking. He had a glass of wine, I had a glass of water. I'm keeping my baby healthy.

"Now, no one in your family could even figue out you were pregnant?" Danny asked me. I shook my head, "I was never around much and they thought I was just fat cause I was eating so damn much. I'm eating for two people now." I said smiling. he laughed, "Yeah, I had a girlfriend once who got pregnant."

"Well, what happened?" I asked curiously. He kinda looked sad, "She had some problems and the baby died in the womb." he said. I suddenly got scared, what if something like that happened to me? I didn't want that to happen. I would die if that'd happen.

The clock in the room chimed and I saw it was midnight. I got up and said I was going to bed. Danny nodded but got up as well. He came over to me and put his hand on my stomach, "If you need anything at all, I just want you to know I'll take good care of you and your baby." he said and kissed me.

He was drunk and I tasted it on his lips. But for some reason it didn't matter and I let him kiss me. I felt his tongue run along my lips, asking for entrance and I allowed it to him. Instinctivly, I put my arms around his neck and he pulled me closed to him with his arms around my waist.

I was the one to pull away after what seemed like forever. "I'm sorry. I need to go." I said and waddled the steps