Disclaimer: I don't own Gerard, or Mikey for that matter. I DO, however, own Avalynn. None of this has really happened, and I honestly. hope it never does.

***

You're just a tiny thing. A delicate being that could easily be crushed. But you have your ways of making me want you so badly to the point of pain, and I HATE you for it. I met you back in Jersey, while you were still a waitress at that cafe. You hated that job, you said, and I knew by the way that you were treated by employees and your boss that this wasn't where you wanted to be for 5 hours a day, 6 days a week. And after my 3rd cup of coffee and almost an hour spent talking to you, you took over me. My thoughts contained you from then on, even when I slept. It was amost arousing. Almost. Except for the fact that you, Avalynn Marie Belle, betrayed on me.

I remember it vaguely, but then again, each time I try to think of that day I end up crying until I fall asleep. You caused my tears. Ungreatful--no. I'm not going to go about this by calling you names. What would that do? You're just a memory now. But as much as it hurts me, I keep going back to the time when we were together, and strong. I loved you, you loved me. We were the epiphany of a good couple. Everyone said so. Everyone.

That first day that I noticed your "ways", you were in the back room of the venue we were playing at in St. Louis. You, in your red tanktop and black pleated bondage skirt. You look cute, I won't deny, and apparently, I wasn't the only one who thought so. I would hope that you never thought for one second that I didn't see my own brother look over at you as he polished up his bass. And you, with your deep blue eyes and fake innocence, had the nerve to look back. I'm not much of a jealous guy, but the way that you looked at him, oh it pissed me off beyond belief. But as much as that simple incident bothered me, I ignored it for the rest of the night. The show was great, as often all of our shows are. And coming back stage, sweating with exhaustion only made me want to see you more. Your glowing complection and seemingly permanent smile always gave me something to look forward to. And you didn't let me down, as you greeted my exhausted form with a hug. Gosh, you always knew the right cards to play, babe.

But you failed to win this poker game. Failed. As the days went on, I noticed you, always looking at my brother. You helped him with his bass, tuned it for him, and always complimented him. Damnit, you thought I didn't know, but that was all I could fucking think about in my sleep. Was you, and my own brother. And don't think for a damn fucking second that you could fool me. When I confronted you about all this attention you were giving Mikey, you put on that stupid innocent act of yours.Oh,God, did that act make me want to throw up my intestines. You told me you were just being friendly. Friendly my ass, darling. And it got worse as the weeks passed and the tour schedual got lighter. I had more time to watch you. Watch you go behind my back with my brother.

Do you remember doing it? Hmm? Do you remember fucking my brother? Of course not. You're nothing but a memory. But if you were alive, you'd remember it well. You were drunk, and so was he. I wasn't even there, but Frank was. He told me about the whole escapade. You told me that Mikey came onto you, but I believe it was the other way around my beautiful darling. Frank told me all about it. How you made out with Mikey, and he had the fucking nerve to kiss back. He KNEW you were mine. You belonged to ME. You didn't understand that, apparently, and now you never will. But I found out that you and him both ended up in his bunk. Frank didn't have to tell me that. I found out for myself. You were pretty good at trying to hide it, as you went and washed the sheets, trying to erase the scent of your lust and passion. You were good at the clean up, babe, but you forgot one thing. You left your skimpy underwear on his bunk. And, I, myself found it. Curiosity had gotten the best of me, and now I know that this whole time you were cheating on me with my fucking brother. If I were to confront you about the incident, you'd probably pull out some cheesey ass story about how you were doing laundry or something, and you dropped the clothes and they obviously fell onto his bunk. Pfft, darling, I wasn't born yesterday.

And from that moment on, I knew that I wasn't going to sit here and watch you silently flirt with him, and watch as he sent back similar signals of his undying love for you. What bullshit. He doesn't know ANYTHING about undying love, as my love for you is forever immortal. Even now as I sit and let memories of you pass me by, I will always love you. And the fact that I will always love you makes me want to die right now. Collapse with a heart attack, or find some way to cut myself and bleed to death. But I could never stop loving you. I made it more and more obvious that I knew about your secret affair with Mikey. I dropped lines, made comments, you just didn't seem to get it. Or maybe you did, and I just didn't get you. Fuck, you were a hard one to please. I'm gonna assume that my brother knew how to please you more than I did, because you went back to him. A lot.

And I finally had had enough. I wasn't going to let you feel like you could come and go as you please, letting go of the lust building inside of you practically any time you could be alone with Mikey. UGH I couldn't stand being around you, I could almost convince myself that you still smelled of him. It disgusted me beyond words. I secretly planned in my head a way to deal with it. But then I realized that dealing with it just wasn't enough. You had to be dealt with.

I can remember exactly the night my plans went into action. I told you we were going out for the night because I felt like we really didn't have any alone time. You agreed of course, and you even dressed the part. You wore a blue jean skirt and a black corset tied with red ribbon. You were stunning, really, with your long black hair pulled back off your shoulders. I almost forgot what I was planning to do as I admired your looks. But I had to focus. I was not about to be won over by your appearance, not now that I had a flawless plan. Even as we were driving downtown, you were acting like it was a normal night, talking to me about the different people you see at shows. And I would always nodd in return, trying to act like nothing had happened. Acting like you didn't go behind me and fuck my brother. But you started to notice pretty quickly that I had driven by the resturaunt we were planning to go to. You asked why I had passed it, and I looked at you with an emotionless expression, telling you not to worry one bit. You sat back hesitantly in your seat, nodding a little as you stared forward at the upcoming road.

I finally pulled up to a building, nothing scary about a grey brick one now is there? You looked at me questioningly as I got out, instructing you to get out as well. As you came around the car, I took your hand and led you into the building. It didn't seem to intimidate you at all, not that I was planning it to. I pulled a key from my pocket, opening a door and pulling you in. Before you could even ask where we were I locked the door and looked at you, a sick and twisted smile spread across my face. I could just tell you were getting more scared by the second, as I pulled you to me, you flinched slightly.

"Let me go." Your words were barely audiable to me, as your tiny voice could only travel so far. Jerking you slightly, I laughed softly. "No, my dear, I shall not. I don't believe you said that to my brother when you went and screwed him."

At that moment, your eyes went wide, and you knew you had been caught. Stuttering you pulled away from me and shook your head, muttering small curses under your breath. I just smirked. Oh, the joy of knowing that you were now realising that I had known about your little escapade for awhile now....it was almost unbearable. I took you into my arms again and held you close, so close I could hear your heart beating nervously. I whispered to you gently, "You were so careful as to not let me find out...so careful. I hate you for it." and with that I kissed you passionately, though I could feel you trying to pull free from my tight grasp. Finally parting, you fell back onto the cold floor, scrambling to your feet as I just stared at you with the same smile as earlier.

"When you go, just know that I will remember you.."I muttered. I stepped towards you, and you tried to back away, only to be stopped by the wall behind you. I laughed at your attempt to get away, because in actuallity, I knew that escaping me right now would be impossible.

With one quick motion, I withdrew my pistol. It was shined to perfection, loaded, and beautiful. Almost as pretty as you, my love. You stared at me with glassy blue eyes, and I thought I could almost make out a tear starting to form in the corner of your eye. Oh yes...this was perfect. The moonlight was showing beautifully through the smudged window, and directly onto you as if you were a fallen angel. No, scratch that, I thought you were a fallen angel from Heaven. Until you betrayed me. Fuck you, fuck this. I wanted to kill you right fucking then, but no, I was going to wait.

Grinning at your sudden terror apon seeing the pistol, I mustered up a laugh. "Scary, huh?" I slurred. Yes. I had been drinking before we left, and had tried my best to covered up the scent of booze so much with other things such as the familiar scent of cigarette smoke. The only response I got from you was a faint ad short whimper. Oh,dear, you're not very good at expressing the way you feel. I paused slightly as I took in the slight sound of your quivered breaths, and I relished it. It was simply beatiful. Your pain, your sadness. I took it all in. "How could you? How COULD you go behind my back, and FUCK my brother??" I nearly yelled. Your replies were quiet and distant, and frankly, I didn't want to hear what you had to say. Your cover ups were bullshit lies. I kneeled infront of you, taking your chin into my hand and tilting your pale face towards mine, only to find you were indeed crying. A suttle "I'm sorry." was heard from your tapered lips. I watched you, and let go of your chin, scoffing. "Sorry isn't gonna be good enough, sugar." I snorted, rising to a standing position. I pondered my thoughts. I could have step away right then, and forced her to not tell anyone that I had even threatened to kill her. No.

This was far too perfect...

I stared intently at your tear streaked face, and still I thought you were the most beautiful thing I've ever laid eyes on. Yes...deffinantly stunning. "My love, you have brought me to the point of pain. Pain that I have to see you die infront of me." I murmured as I continued my steady gaze apon you. You whimpered, pleaded, begged even, for me to forgive you and spare your life. Oh, that sent a wave of guilt through me. I had never made you cry like you had...and now it had gotten me. Even now, I grieve you. I feel bad, almost. Almost. I was quite surprised you had enough energy and will to get up from the dusty floor, and you made your way to me. "You don't have to do this..." you whispered, an unusually calming sensation on your breath I could almost taste. I smiled, "You're right. I don't. But I will." and with that, I pushed you down back to the floor. I almost felt bad that I pushed you, though you didn't seem to be hurt. Crying more, you managed to get to your knees, pleading with all your heart and soul to let you out of this terrible position you were in. Raising a single brow, I watched for a moment, tilting my head and examining your present state. Taking in a sharp breath, I raised my pistol, taking precise aim. "And never again, and never again, they gave us two shots to the back of the head.....and we're all dead now.." I murmured lowly.

I don't even remember hearing the gun go off. All I remember is letting myself drop the gun to the floor, as I stared at your motionless body, lying on the floor in a pool of your own crimson blood. Fuck, it wasn't a pretty site. I shook terribly as I backed away. Oh, God, I had no idea what I had done at that moment. The alcohol was gone, and the sober feeling was returning. Fuck...fuck....I had done it. I had killed you. Shot you. You were dead now...never coming back. Oh,God, this was too much, I knew. I had to leave. Get out of the town. But the band... They would hate me if they knew that I had killed you. Shot you and watched you bleed to death...I had even blocked out your own suttle cry for help as you slipped into eternal darkness. I had ran from the building, I remember, my coat coming off in the process, as it too was splattered with your red fluid. I thought I had escaped completely, by hiding out in the bus and only coming out to perform. But I was wrong.... I was dead wrong.

And now I sit here, in this god damned institution... Mikey hates me. Hates me for what I did to you. I had never seen the boy cry so hard, I was torn. My own brother hated me now, and my parents didn't give a shit whether I went to jail, or that I ended up in this fucking hell hole. I don't ever get out, and there's only one window in this room. It's big enough to show the sunlight that I will never again feel warm on my face, and I can't bare to look at the moonlight. It always gives me back the memory of you. Fucking hell, Avalynn...why did you have to piss me off...? Why did you make me do what I did? How silly of me...talking to a dead woman. Gosh, this place makes me seem like a crazy guy. Scratch that thought... One day, maybe...I'll be able to go visit your grave, the site where they laid you to your final rest. Maybe. I'll lay red roses, and stare as if I could see right through the stone and see your face again. Maybe one day I'll learn to control my temper. Maybe one day, there will be another girl like you...

Maybe one day...

~End~

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