Disclaimer: Don't know, don't own, don't sue!!

THIS IS A WARNING: While this story is intended for entertainment the subject matter is very real. I urge anyone who is having problems with self-abuse or suicidal tendencies to seek the medical help that they need. No one should be left out in the dark.

Also, this story is very personal and the most direct piece of work I've ever written. If you do not feel like you are mature enough to handle it then I please ask that you stop reading and perhaps find another wonderful fanfic in our selection that may better suit your tastes. But I thank those of you for taking the time to read this. It means more then you know.

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Part 1:

Frank stared at the notebook paper in his hand, the scrawl upon it was so neat and organized much like the owner of the handwriting. But the words upon it were far from neat, nice, or any other word you might find associated with those on thesaurus dot com.

'Hold the blade steady, four neat little cuts all in a row. The rush of the cold steel on my skin sends a welcoming and familiar rush into my body. one pain to dull another, to take my mind off the misery. I run my fingers over the tiny cuts, watching the skin stretch over bones and veins and I find it strangely amusing. This cut is for today, this one is for my family, this one is for the past three years, and this one right here, this one is for you.'

He stood shaking as he read the lines over and over again, half believing, stricken with denial. But there was a part of him that knew that it was true; Emily was cutting again and it looked to be a bad one.

Gerard spotted Frank tromping down the corridor from their dressing room, clenching a crumpled piece of paper in his hand, his face was bright red and scoured up with anger. This couldn't be good.

"Hey man, what's the problem?" He called as Frank came storming past him.

"I got something I gotta deal with," He mumbled and continued on.

'How could she do this!' He thought to himself. 'She promised she had stopped, she promised she wouldn't do it again. She promised me!' He continued trudging on out to the parking lot where the buses, where he knew she'd be. He stomped up the steps and found her sitting at the back with her headphones blaring and her head bowed down while she fumbled with a pen and paper. He reached down and snatched them from her hands and then yanked her to her feet and pulled off her headphones. Her eyes were filled with fear and confusion and he could see the beginnings of tears welling in her eyes. He'd seen this look before, he seemed to be the only one who could evoke it. Not once had she looked this way in front of Gerard, Mikey, Ray, or even Bob. It was just him.

"What the fuck is this about?" Frank roared.

"Wh..what?"

Frank shoved the crumbled paper into her face, "Well!?" He demanded.

"I haven't been cutting I swear! I thought about it...but I didn't do anything I promise!" Emily shrieked.

"How can I believe you?" Frank stepped back a little and thought to himself. "Take off your clothes!"

"What?"

"Take 'em off! I have to be sure, I won't go through this again!"

Strange couldn't even begin to describe the relationship between Emily and her four good friends. Growing up in Belleville, New Jersey had it's draw backs and it was truly an ugly place to reside in, but none of them could ever imagine living any place else. They'd all started out separately, but somehow had all come together in a common place and it had blossomed into something extraordinary. However the circumstances of their first beginnings were far from recordable. Frank could see the distant memory unfolding before him, it seemed like it had been forever but he could recall every little detail.

Rain poured down in a torrent of drizzling horizontal buckets, no one was safe from the downpour, even if they were so well equipped with an umbrella, parka, a hat, or hooded sweatshirt. It was the kind of rain you liked to watch from the safety of a warm dry place, slowly sipping something hot and comforting. Frank was lucky enough to have ducked into a coffee shop just as it began to pour, and he sat rather smugly at the back sipping slowly at a mug of black chai tea while he watched others bumble inside in a rambling confusion of the cold water. He normally wouldn't have paid particular attention to any of the people coming into the shop, but one person held his attention quite exclusively. A girl, not much older then he, in a big black parka came rushing into the shop and went straight back into the women's restroom. This wouldn't have seemed strange to anyone else, but Frank had a talent of noticing things about people that others did not.

This girl, while she may have been wearing a parka did not utilize the hood that was attached to it, so her face was clearly visible despite the soaked tendrils of dark brown hair that stuck delicately to her face. But it was her face that had caught his attention more so then anything else, she was so undeniably sad that he almost felt like crying himself. She had so much emotion construed about her face that he couldn't help but be drawn to her. He watched the door as nonchalantly as he could while he waited for her return. Maybe he'd ask her to sit down for a bit and buy her a cup of tea? What ever he did he knew he had to talk to her at least. While he waited for her he swore he could hear sobbing from the restroom, but it was so noisy inside the shop that it was difficult to hear.

The girl emerged finally, this time with her hood up. Frank made to stand up but the waitress came up to him, blocking his pathway to the sad girl.

"Is there anything else I can get ya?" She smacked through strawberry bubble-yum.

"N- no I'm fine..I...erm..." He watched the girl dodge people who were coming inside and waltz out through the door, Frank thought at first to follow her, but the dreariness outside stopped him a moment. Perhaps she'd come back? Maybe he'd see her again, hell if it was meant to happen it would. But sometimes fate had a nasty sense of humor, and you had to do things on your own if you want any sort of results.

"Fuck it," Frank mumbled and slammed down a few bucks for his cup of tea and shrugged on his jacket and followed the sad girl out into the down pour. "Better grab two of everything," He chuckled to himself. The rain would be his ally this time, with everyone else off the streets it would be easy to follow this girl.

"Wait.." He stopped thinking out loud to himself, "What am I doing? Following this girl? Have you completely lost it, Frank?"

He could see her just ahead of him foot-slogging through the puddles and then suddenly she stopped and turned around and began heading straight for him. Frank began to panic and looked all around him for a place to hide, the was a bus stop vestibule a few feet behind him he dashed inside and kept close to the window still watching the girl as she passed by him.

Her eyes were squinty and red with tears, seeing this only compelled Frank's curiosity for her further. Once he was sure that he was out of her line of sight he turned around and began following her again, Frank could tell she was headed back towards the coffee shop and sure enough she swept back inside, but Frank didn't follow her in. Instead he stayed outside and lit a cigarette, he'd stop her this time and say something at least. He heard the shop door open and close but before he could utter a single word, she spoke instead.

"Can I bum a smoke, I'm dying for one."

Frank looked over at her, her face was stream with tears and she was shaking but he could tell it wasn't from the rain.

Frank shook out a single cigarette and gestured to her. She took it eagerly and Frank followed with his lighter and ignited the tip for her.

"I don't suppose you know how to get to Columbus Hospital from here do you?" She asked barely looking at him.

"Uhh...yeah...it's down the street a ways. Are you okay?"

"Yes...it's...it's not me, it's for my mom. She's there...I'm going to visit her," The girl explained.

"Oh. Well I could give you a ride. It's pouring...obviously...it'd be terrible for you to have to walk all that way in the rain."

"No, I wouldn't want to impose on you. I'll be fine...I'm sure there's a bus I can take."

"Please, just let me give you a ride. I'm not some crazed-psycho-killer or anything. C'mon..."

The girl looked up at him finally, revealing her bright green eyes.

"...Wow..." Frank said a loud, he hadn't meant to be so loud but he couldn't seem to help himself.

The girl blushed a little and turned away, "Is your car very far?"

"N-no...it's right here actually," Frank pointed to a beat up Toyota pick-up truck behind her.

The girl turned around and eyed the car and then turned back to frank, "If it's not too much trouble?"

"No, I'd be happy to!" Frank smiled. "I'm Frank by the way." He extended a hand, she took it and shook limply and then let go. "And your name is...?"

"Oh! Right...I'm Emily."

"Nice to meet you."

"You too."

Frank watched her undress clumsily, shanking out her olive complexion. He frowned at the numerous scars, none of which were showing any signs of fading and each had their own sad little story to tell. Like the long one just above her inner ankle, he knew exactly what had triggered it, when it had happened, and what she had used. It had been nearly three years ago, two weeks after he'd just met her, and only just before he'd found out what was really going on in her world.

The afternoon was dull and mundane, a slight overcast hung over Frank's apartment while he sat on the couch waiting desperately for Emily's call. While he had only just met her he felt over wrought with concern for her and her family. Emily's mother had been battling lung cancer for the past six years and she had taken a turn for the worse two weeks before, the day he had been a gentlemen and given her a ride to Columbus Hospital.

Emily's father who had been MIA since she was nine had suddenly surfaced from the depths of the Newark underground after getting word of his wife's condition and this had only upset Emily more. How are you supposed to handle yourself after seeing someone who's abandoned you for majority of your adolescence? They'd only just met and Frank had already seen his fair share of emotional baggage that Emily had to offer, but this didn't seem to phase him, it only compelled him more to get to know her better and possibly help her overcome this difficult period in her life.

Frank jumped when he heard the phone ring, he waited a few rings before picking it up,

"Hello?"

"Hey...it's Emily."

"Oh hey! How's your mom doing?"

There was a melancholic silence on the other end for a moment or two and Frank began to wonder if he'd lost her.

"She's...she's doing better...but..."

"But what?"

"My dad...he's insisting on seeing her. But I know she wouldn't like it, I think it would only...make her worse," Emily's voice was shaky and wavering, he knew she was on the verge of tears. "He keeps asking me...and it's getting harder to tell him, no."

"You want me to say something to him?"

"No! You've done so much already. I could never ask you to do that. It isn't your problem."

"So then...do you need me to give you a ride up there today?"

"No...not today. I'm going to rest today...just relax."

"You shouldn't be alone in a time like this Emily, I'm coming over."

"No Frank it's fine! You don't need to--"

"I'm coming over Emily!"

He hung up the phone and went and grabbed his jacket and keys before dashing out of the house. Frank knew that Emily wasn't strong enough to be by herself, in truth she didn't even like being by herself. He drove in silence to her home, no radio, nothing, just the sound of his own breathing and the revving of the engine. Emily ironically only lived about ten minutes away, traffic was light so he had made it to her house within moments of hanging up with her.

Frank got out of the car and shimmied up the steps to Emily's house and rang the door bell. There was no answer and he was beginning to grow impatient, he knocked this time but no one came. He jiggled the handle and discovered that the door was unlocked. He hesitated a moment before he turned the knob and stepped inside.

"Emily? I'm coming in! I hope you're decent!" He shut the door behind him. He looked around the empty living room and went on into the kitchen, a tea kettle was near boiling on the stove, he went over and put the pot aside and turned off the element before continuing down the hallway to the bedrooms. He checked each of the three rooms, but he couldn't find Emily he stopped finally in front of the bathroom door where he could see there was a light on through the crack at the bottom of the door. He knocked softly.

"Emily?"

"Don't come in!" She snapped.

"I'm not going to...are you all right?"

"I'm fine...just...just go wait in the living room," Emily's voice was froggy and distant, like she was hiding something, Frank could sense this immediately.

"Emily, what's wrong?" Frank said in a firmer tone.

"NOTHING! Just go away!"

"Open this door right now!" Frank reached down and jiggled the handle, the door was locked from the inside.

"Frank! Please...just...just wait in the living room."

Frank knew that these types of locks were easily jimmied the slightest nudge on the door could knock the lock loose. He held the handle firmly in one hand while he bumped the door with his shoulder knocking it open. He staggered a moment as he regained his footing and then stood up straight, he saw Emily sitting on the floor in her underwear and a t-shirt with a sort of kit laid out in front of her and a razor-blade in her hand, there was a gash above her right ankle that was spilling out blood.

"Emily! What are you doing?"

Frank forced himself back to the present as he scanned Emily's body for any new wounds, so far he found nothing but Emily was good at hiding things.

"I thought we had an agreement?" Frank said sternly.

"I didn't cut Frank! Honestly! It was just a poem, it helps me vent sometimes."

"I thought that...we...."

"Sometimes I need something more."

Frank nodded and looked her in the eye, his attention suddenly drawn to the pinkish scar above her eyebrow, he knew how that one happened too. He was actually responsible for that, his attention went immediately down to her wrists, the brunt of so many painful memories, the scar above her eye and the ones on her wrists were linked. He remembered how he'd felt just before it had happened, that was a time when he thought that they were both happy.

Things were better now, Emily wasn't being nearly as distant as she had been before, and Frank hadn't found a single blade in her belongings. Everything was starting to look up for her. He was making his way down to the buses, he had to tell her how proud he was of her that she had overcome this. Frank knew that Emily needed that sort of affirmation in order to feel more secure about herself, and the more secure she felt about herself the closer she was to being completely healthy. He climbed up the steps to the bus and began walking down the tight corridor to the 'common room' where he figured Emily would be. As Frank brushed past the joke of a bathroom he could hear soft sobbing coming from inside. He pressed his ear against the door, trying to figure out who it was.

"Emily?" He asked through the door.

The cries stopped immediately when Frank spoke, he heard some shuffling around and then the faucet went on, then off and finally Emily opened the door.

"What's wrong?" Frank asked straightaway.

Emily gave a forced smile, "Nothing."

"No, I heard you crying. What's the matter?"

Emily shrugged and stepped around him to get into the common room and sat down on the couch and folded her arms while she stared down at the soiled carpet.

"Don't shut down on me," Frank requested as he came and sat down next to her. Emily frowned a little as sorrow weighed down the corners of her mouth, Frank could tell she was fighting back.

"It's okay to cry ya know," he reminded her.

"Crying doesn't help...crying won't solve anything."

"Maybe not, but it'll make you feel at least a little better," Frank scooted closer and put his arm around her shoulders. "Just tell me what happened."

Emily leaned into him resting her head in between his shoulder and his neck, he could see tears rolling from the corner of her eye down to the tip of her nose.

"I...I got a call from home a minute ago..."

Frank winced a little, home was one of her least happy places to be and what ever news came out of it was never good.

"...And...?" He didn't want to egg her on too much, it might upset her more.

"My mom...my mom died."

"Oh no..." Frank gasped, he squeezed her closer into him. She wrapped her frail arms around his waist and began sobbing uncontrollably.

Frank felt helpless, he didn't know what he could do or say to make the situation better or to even attempt to cheer her up. He'd never experienced a loss like this so how could he possibly begin to relate? All he could think to do was to hold her and be there for her, and that's exactly what he did. He rested his chin on top of her head while she shook with tears, however while all that seemed to be blaring in his head was 'Oh fuck, this is terrible' a little voice in the back said 'You'd better check her.' Frank's eyes focused soon followed by his mind,

"Emily..." He began slowly, "You didn't cut did you?"

"H-how could you...a-ask me...s-something...like t-that," She hiccuped.

"Because you've been doing so well up until now, and something like this could have brought you back down again."

Emily didn't answer, she was still hiccupping trying to catch her breath.

"Emily...?" Frank pushed her up so he could look her in the eye, but she wouldn't even look at him. He pushed her all the way up so she sat back against the couch firmly and then took one of her arms and pushed back the sleeve of her shirt where her arm was nearly covered in blood.

"Jesus, Emily!" He shot to his feet and dragged Emily over to the bathroom and shoved her arm under the faucet head and turned on the tap full blast.

"Fuck," He mumbled as he wiped the blood from her arm, Emily was silent as he did this. "Wait here and keep your arm under the water," He muttered as he dashed out of the restroom and went into a small cupboard towards the front of the bunks and came back with a first aid kit.

"You can't keep doing this," Frank shook his head.

"I can't stop," Emily whispered. "I need this pain to dull the others."

"There are other ways of dealing with this kind of emotion. We've been over this a hundred times before!" He roared. Emily cowered back clutching her arm. Frank hadn't meant to yell, but he was just so angry at her weakness. So angry that she couldn't help herself, so angry that he couldn't make her stop. He haulted a moment, bating his time wondering what to say next while he chewed on his bottom lip.

"You've gotta stop this."

"I don't know how," Emily breathed, "I need it...I'm addicted...I need to feel that rush."

Frank frowned as he stepped towards her and set the kit down on the counter. He reached down and lifted her head so that she was looking at him and then slapped her quite violently across the cheek. Emily's head sprang back in his direction with surprise and confusion, a small cut had opened just above her eyebrow and it began to ooze, he could tell she was about to cry again and she tried to step around him but he blocked her path.

"Tell me that you didn't want that."

Emily looked up at Frank, his face stern and focused. He clenched his jaw impatiently waiting for her response. She stepped back her eyes not leaving his gaze even for a second.

"Hit me again," She murmured.

Frank reached back and struck her once more, Emily's head stayed in the direction Frank had slapped her, panting slightly.

"Again..."

He rose his hand back and rapped her again throwing her body in the other direction, sprawling her over the toilet seat. Emily groaned in an almost lustful tone and slid over to Frank and grabbed one of his pant legs pulling herself to her knees. Frank wanted to fight it but he couldn't help but feel aroused seeing her on her knees at his feet like that, her cheek reddening within the second, it would bruise later he knew that. But having this power over her was a new sensation for Frank, he liked having the control.

"More!" She grunted through clenched teeth.

Frank reached down and yanked Emily to her feet then threw her against the wall behind them. He backhanded her this time and she flung against the counter knocking over the first aid kit and smearing blood over the counter top. Emily groaned again, louder this time breathing heavily and standing perfectly still. Frank stepped closer to her pressing his groin against the side of her hip so that she could feel his growth. Emily stood up slowly and turned to him, Frank stepped even closer crushing any space between them. He looked down at her, her lip was bleeding at the corner but there was a look in her eyes that he had never seen before.

"What do you want?" Frank grunted.

Emily lunged at him suddenly, planting a firm and ravenous kiss on his lips and placed a hand on either side of his face, trying to force him into it but Frank pushed her back and held her arms by the wrists pulling her back away from the wall then twisted her around so her back was facing him and their arms were locked around each other. Frank then pushed her down on her knees and he knelt down close behind her letting go of her wrists finally, his hands stained red. Emily was on hands and knees while she waited eagerly for Frank's next move. But Frank knew what he was doing, if she wanted to feel pain and suffering then that's exactly what she was going to get.

"Frank!" She whimpered almost yelling. "What are you doing?"

"Just wait," He whispered as he got to his feet. This was painful for him too, he wanted nothing more then to just feel release pounding inside of her, but he knew that she needed to be put in check, she needed to learn. He turned around and left the bathroom and shut the door behind him and held the doorknob firmly.

"Frank!" Emily screamed.

He heard her scramble to her feet and claw at the door trying with a sick sad desperation to open it.

"Frank!"

He put one hand against the door while he pressed his forehead against it as well. It hurt him to leave her like that, but he knew that this would be the method she'd respond to. If she wanted him like that she would have to learn how to behave and be good to herself. Frank held the knob steadily as Emily pulled fiercely from the other side.

"Calm down!" He barked.

"Please Frank!"

"Calm down and I'll let you out."

"I need you, please!"

Frank sighed heavily, "You only want out so I can hit you again."

Emily stopped hustling the door and ceased her screaming.

"If that's what you want then you're going to have to earn it," Frank finished.

Emily still gave no reply.

"Now are you going to behave yourself?"

Even through the door Frank could hear her sigh, "Yes."

He stepped back a little and opened the door slowly to find her sitting on the toilet seat cradling her arms and staring down at her feet. Frank came towards her and reached down to pick her head up, he held her gently by the jaw with one hand while he brushed the hair from her face with the other. Emily nuzzled into his caress and placed her hand on top of his urging it in front of her mouth letting his thumb slip into it. Frank gasped silently, as he watched her from above feeling the fleshy part of his thumb being fondled by the warm wet embrace of her tongue.

'Keep control, Frank,' he reminded himself. He stepped back letting his hand slip away from her and Emily almost reached out for him but she stopped herself and kept still on top of the toilet seat.

"Good," Frank breathed, "Good..." He steadied himself inside the door jam just staring at her, trying to make up his mind as to what he should do next.

"We're not having sex tonight," He said finally.

"Oh...okay..." She said shakily.

"I'm not going to hit you either...you have to earn those kinds of things."

Emily nodded.

Frank frowned a little, "From now on, the only one who's allowed to hurt you is me. So hand over all your blades and your kit."

Emily nodded again and went to go and get her things from her bag and returned promptly with a small tin box and the blade she had only just used. Frank snatched them from her and put the blade inside the box then took her by the hand and went out of the bus and started heading out of the parking lot. He could hear Gerard yelling after them but Frank marched on.

"Where are we going?" Emily asked, it was quite late and positively frigid outside she reached up and clung to his arm searching for warmth.

"We're ending this," Frank stated bluntly. They continued over to a bridge that swept over a river and stopped just at the center of it. He turned to Emily and handed her the tin box. "You've got to be the one."

"But...but..."

"Emily," Frank said in a warning tone.

She looked at him, then at the box, and then down at the river below them. Emily extended her arm out so that the box was floating in the air and reluctantly let it slip through her fingers and went crashing into the water.

"Good," Frank whispered and kissed her forehead, "Let's go back to the buses."

"Frank...Frank?" Emily was calling him back, he shot up at her and gave a forced smile.

"You can put your clothes back on."

Emily nodded and proceeded to dress herself again.

"Things are changing between us, aren't they?" Emily asked as she pulled her jeans on.

"Seems like it," Frank frowned and sat down. "Am I not enough for you any more?"

Emily paused a moment and looked at him, "It's not that...it just seems like...we've lost that excitement that we had during those first few months. Do you remember that? Sneaking around...having to lie to everybody...like that time in the hotel room."

"Yeah," Frank smirked. He remembered that vividly.

Frank waltzed down the empty hotel corridor heading eagerly for his room, he knew that Emily was waiting patiently for him. He punched in his room card, the green light flashed, and he stepped inside. Frank could see her sitting on the bed from just around the corner.

"It's just me," He called to her. "Just wait there, I'll be in, in a minute." He dashed into the bathroom to freshen up, splashing cold water on his face and doing a quick change of clothes. He came into the bedroom portion of their room dressed in gray sweatpants and a tight red t-shirt. Emily's face immediately lit up when he entered the room and she jumped up and threw her arms around him.

"I was beginning to worry."

Frank pried her arms off of his neck and chuckled, "I'm sure..." He went around the bed and sat down and put his head in his hands and sighed deeply.

"What's wrong?" Emily asked tenderly as she came and sat down next to him.

"The guys are getting suspicious..."

"Oh...well...what are you telling them?"

"I keep...I don't know...I change the subject as soon as there's even a hint of them dropping on it. But it's not going to last for long...we've got to come up with something else. They know we're together now, and then they see the wounds on your face and they just put two and two together and assume...ugh...I don't know."

"Maybe you...you shouldn't hit my face any more?" Emily suggested. "I'm not sure I could hit you anywhere else..." Frank sighed.

Emily stood up in front of him and shrugged off her bathrobe revealing her thin white cotton camisole with matching panties but no bra. Emily had the kind of figure that didn't require the use of an everyday bra. She went around Frank to the other side of the bed and knelt down on it facing the wall and then bent over. Frank eyed her with suspicion, she couldn't possibly be suggesting what he thought she was, but Emily stayed exactly where she was just staring at Frank waiting for him to make the next move.

"What?...How?...Emily!" Frank stuttered.

"This way, they won't know..." Emily explained, "Look if you've got any other ideas I'm more then welcome to hear them. I've been good, and you said you would..."

Frank sighed, doing this could escalate things to a level he wasn't sure he was ready for, but with the longing look Emily was giving him there was no way he could refuse her. He stood up slowly and went around to the other side of the bed and stood at Emily's side,

"No screaming."

Emily nodded then grasped onto the headboard and braced for impact. Frank held her around the waist with one hand and raised his other high above his head and brought it sweeping down and collided savagely with her backside. Emily lunged forward and put her hand up to catch herself from hitting the wall, she groaned in agreement. She turned back to face him, slightly breathless,

"Don't hold back...I can take it."

Frank clenched his jaw, swallowed, and then nodded. He brought his hand up and struck her again, this time she wasn't entirely ready for the impact and she hit her head against the wall in front of her, but before she had time to make any further comments Frank had swatted her again even harder this time. Frank got a high each time he struck her, a sort of hegemonic euphoria, and this time it was stronger that it had ever been. Far greater then any time he'd struck her face, this time it was more animalistic, he had her in a position of complete submission, exactly how he wanted her. Frank's swings were increasing in force and speed with Emily's moans driving him on, her moans that were rapidly growing into screams which he knew needed to be silenced immediately.

He ceased his slams abruptly and grabbed her by her hair and yanked her back so that her face was just next to his.

"What did I tell you?" He demanded through clenched teeth.

"No screaming," Emily panted.

"Are you having a hard time listening?" Frank threw her onto the bed face down then sprang on her and sat straddling her resting on her now bruised rear. He bent down close to her ear biting at the fringe and then scooped one arm under her and brought her up onto her hands and knees. He knelt behind her, pawning ravenously at her neck,

"Do you need to learn the importance of silence?" He took his other hand and grazed the inside of her thigh slowly inching up to her soft cottony panties.

There was a sudden banging on the door that stole away both of their attention.

"What's going on in there?!" Gerard called from the other side of the door. Frank slid back away from Emily and then went over to his bag that was near the foot of the bed and brought out a roll of duct tape and then came back over to Emily. He grabbed her leg and dragged her back over to the head board and brought both of her hands up and overlapped them.

"Stay," Frank commanded. He pressed them against the iron bars of the bed and tore loose the start of a strip and wrapped it around her hands several times before ripping the piece free from the roll with his teeth. He got up and composed himself and then went to the door. Gerard was waiting outside the door with his arms folded with a concerned look on his face.

"What's going on?"

"Nothing," Frank shook his head.

"I heard...noises."

He frowned a little, "Just a little T.V. before bed...that's all."

"...Oh..." Gerard replied in a quiet voice. "It's just that the guys and I have been talking...and since you and Emily got together..."

"Everything's fine," Frank said in a commanding voice and shut the door. He went back into the bedroom portion of the room where Emily was waiting for him.

"That's it for tonight," Frank said as he began changing for bed.

"What?" Emily asked in an almost desperate voice.

"They're listening," Frank replied as he came over to her and was about to tear off the tape but he stopped himself. "But this stays on...for tonight." He bent down and kissed her forehead and then crawled into bed himself and turned out the light.

Frank sighed and sat back, "So what do you propose we do?"

Emily came over to him and sat down and nuzzled into him, cuddling up close,

"You know? I don't know."

Part Two:

Frank held Emily close to him, listening to her soft tiny gasps of breath come shifting out of her mouth; breathe in, breathe out. And in that quiet moment, when the world around them stopped and not even time could touch them Frank knew that he loved her, and nothing on this earth, heaven or hell could stop him from loving her.

"Tell me what I need to do to be good for you..." Frank said slowly.

Emily sat up and stared at him, "But you've always been good to me, always."

Frank sighed, got up, and started pacing, "What do I need to do...to keep you...argh...how can I keep your attention on me?"

"My attention?"

"Your focus...I want to be the only one you come to for...help."

"That's a little selfish, don't you think?" Emily smirked.

"This is serious! I don't want you to have to have another outlet for your...emotions...I want it to just be me."

"It can't always be that way, Frank. I'm not always going to need it."

"But I..."He stopped a moment as he came to realization of what he was about to say. "I need it."

Emily just stared at him, mouth slightly parted and her eyes wider then what they should be.

"What do you mean?"

"What do you think I mean? I enjoy...hitting you."

"You sick fuck!"

"Neither of us is in a position to throw that name around," Frank pointed out.

Emily withdrew her sudden scowl and her face softened, "I can't be your punching bag forever...there's going to be a breaking point."

"But does it have to be now?"

"Why do you have this sudden urge to hit me or something?" Emily exclaimed.

"No! Well...I mean, no!" Frank sighed in frustration and stormed up to the wall opposite from the bunks and punched it. "I don't know what to do any more!"

Emily came up to him and rested her head on his shoulder and stroked his back lovingly. Frank turned to her and held her close,

"Why can't things be the way they used to? Why does it have to be so damned difficult?!"

"Frank..."

He looked down at her, those brilliant green eyes wrought with concern, "I don't want to lose you." Frank stoked her cheek gingerly and then brought her into a firm embrace.

"Anybody in here?" They heard Gerard call from the bus entrance. Frank let go of Emily sullenly and then went over to him,

"Yah...just me and Emily."

"Is...everything...okay?" Gerard asked slowly.

"Yah, why wouldn't it be?" Emily questioned as she went and sat back down in the back and put her headphones on.

"Frank..." Gerard turned to him, "If you wouldn't mind...before the show, I'd like to talk to you a minute?"

Frank cringed fearing the worst, another awkward conversation brim full with lies on his part and some lame excuse for Emily's multiple injuries. But seeing the look on Gerard's face, he couldn't refuse so he nodded reluctantly and followed Gerard out of the bus. They wandered out into the parking lot away from the buses and the venue, the evening dusk was setting in and Frank could hear the restless murmur of fans lined up outside of the gates.

"We're tired of being shut out here Frank," Gerard began.

"What do you mean?" Frank asked monotonously.

"Don't fuck with me! I mean it! What ever it is that's going on with you and Emily...it's obviously not healthy...what the hell is going on?!"

"I don't know what you're talking about, man."

Gerard was bright red with anger and he charged Frank and pushed him to the ground,

"You can't tell me that and honestly think that I'm going to believe it! I know something is wrong! Every time you're alone with her for more then thirty minutes she comes back with bruises and even cuts sometimes! What are you doing to her?!"

"Nothing!" Frank growled through gritted teeth as he got to his feet.

"You lying sack of shit! You're beating her and I know it! I'm going to prove it, expose you to everybody! And then everyone will see how much of a monster you really are!"

"Monster? I'm the monster? You've got a lot of nerve throwing that out in the air! Or have you forgotten that time back home when you were alone with Emily for no more then thirty minutes?!"

"Shut up Frank!"

"Oh, so you have forgotten?"

"Shut the fuck up Frank!"

"Maybe I should refresh your memory?!"

December 18th, the boys were given some time in between recording and touring to spend time with friends and family, and at this particular moment Frank had brought his friends over to meet another new friend, Emily Balkan.

Frank watched her sitting on the edge of the couch, waiting for their guests to arrive, she looked petrified.

"Em' it's okay...they're great guys...you'll see," He went and sat down next to her and wrapped his arm around her shoulder. There was a sudden knock at the door, they both jumped and then smiled uneasily.

"I'll get it," Frank declared and got up to open the door. His four friends poured into the apartment in a swarm of shouting and laughter, Frank watched Emily looking nervously at all of them she gave him a half smile when they caught eyes.

"Settle down!" Frank barked.

"Where's this girl you been talkin' about?" Ray asked.

"Well...Captain Oblivious if you'd shut up and look around a minute you'd see her."

Silence fell on the room and all eyes were on Emily, she turned bright red.

"Guys, this is Emily."

There was a hushed murmur among the group, but Gerard was the first to step forward and introduce himself.

"I'm Gerard...the geek over there with the glasses is my brother Mikey, the dude with the fro, that's Ray and the big guy is Matt." He extended his hand and Emily shook it hesitantly and then promptly dropped it.

"She's a little shy," Frank explained as he went over to her, he felt her relax a little as he stood next to her. "So I thought pizza and a movie and then we can go off to practice?"

"Sounds good," Gerard agreed as he gave Emily the once over.

Frank frowned at Gerard, he knew that look, he'd seen it many times before when Gerard saw something or some[i]one[/i] that he wanted, and as if on impulse and defense Frank held her closer to him as if claiming ownership over Emily. Frank thought a moment to himself about his actions and how silly he must look. He wasn't dating Emily, why was he being so possessive over her? But then he thought again, that perhaps the reason why he was being so possessive of Emily is because he saw Gerard as a threat, not to himself but to Emily.

There was a sudden clap of thunder outside and rain began pouring in buckets.

"Well bludger-nut! I'm not going out in that!" Mikey protested.

Emily cracked a genuine smile and leaned into Frank.

"I'll go," Frank volunteered, "Ray and Matt you can come with me...I know how Gerard is about the rain, you're scared you might melt."

"Oh ha ha!" Gerard scoffed.

Emily looked up at Frank wearily, as if begging him to stay.

"It's okay...I'll be back in an hour tops...Mikey'll keep you safe...and Gerard doesn't bite...often."

He gave her a soft hug and then swept out into the down pour with Ray and Matt behind him. Emily smiled uneasily at Gerard and then sat back down on the couch and flipped on the T.V.

"Hey does Frank still have his Playstation hooked up in the back room?" Mikey asked as he danced a little with excitement.

"Uh huh," Emily nodded as she stared blankly at the screen.

Gerard sat down next to Emily still staring at her and then sat back stretching his arm across the back of the sofa.

"You know...you're a very pretty girl..."

Frank watched the windshield wipers screech back and forth across the windscreen as he bit on the inside of his mouth.

"You okay, dude?" Matt asked as he reached over and turned down the radio.

"Yah...I'm fine...fine."

"Cos you don't look fine."

"I'm just anxious to get back...that's all."

"Anxious to see Miss Emily?" Ray asked playfully.

"I'm more worried about her then anything...did you see the way Gerard was leering at her? He even gave me the creeps."

"Then why didn't you stay with her?"Matt asked.

"I don't like anybody driving my car, and I know Mikey doesn't like anybody driving his..."

"Awww Frank...Jesus...do you care more about your beater truck then Emily?"

"Well...no...but-" Frank was cut off by the annoyingly loud ring-tone on his cell phone he quickly flipped it open and put it to his ear while still keeping his eyes on the road.

"Hello? Hey Mikey--what?! What do you mean she's gone? Where'd she go?" Frank paused a moment. "All right...we're coming back." Frank hung up the phone and tossed it over to Matt while he hung a sharp left swerving into a U-turn and went speeding back to his apartment.

When they reached the complex Frank parked the car rather clumsily and went bolting up the stairs to his unit, the door was open and they found Mikey pacing rather nervously in the front room.

"Where's Gerard?" Frank demanded as he came into the room in a huff. "He went after her! I didn't know what to do I--"

Frank grunted and went sprinting back out into the rain and went running down the street.

"Emily!" He called out into the soaked darkness but no reply came to him. "Emily!" He scanned the slightly deserted street, looking for any sign of Gerard or Emily. His mind began to fill with panic and doubt of never finding her, but then a sudden ray of hope shot through him as he saw Emily sprinting down the other side of the sidewalk in the other direction.

"EMILY!!"

She stopped a moment and looked in his direction and then looked behind her and began running in his direction dodging passing cars.

"Wait Emily!"

She miraculously made it to the other side of the street and collided into Frank's open arms.

"Let's go back to the house..." Frank requested as he stoked her head gently but then his focus went back to the other end of the street where he saw Gerard heading towards them.

"Son of a bitch," Frank muttered.

"No wait Frank! It wasn't his fault...wait!" Emily pleaded, but Frank wasn't listening as he headed out into the street and decked Gerard square in the jaw knocking him flat on his back.

"What the hell did you do?!" He screeched.

"Nothing she didn't ask for..." Gerard sneered.

"Bastard!" Frank was about to take another swing at him but Emily stopped him.

"Let's just go back to the apartment...please Frank," Emily began pulling him away out of the street. Mikey and Ray were at the sidewalk watching the scene.

"What the hell happened?" Ray asked when Emily and Frank got back to the sidewalk. They didn't reply and continued on back to the apartment. Emily half carried Frank up the steps and went on inside and sat him down on the couch.

"I'm going to go and freshen up," Emily stated and left Frank alone on the sofa. Frank was shaking a little with anger he didn't even look up when Mikey and Ray brought Gerard inside and sat him down in the kitchen.

"Matt went out looking for you guys...I'll call him and let him know you're back," Mikey said from the kitchen.

"What did you do to her?!" Frank demanded.

Gerard sat back and smiled a little, Ray had brought him ice in a dish-rag and he was pressing it firmly to the bruise that was now swelling on the side of his face.

"She obviously doesn't like to be touched."

"What did you do?!"

Gerard sighed and set the ice pack down, "Look...maybe I went a little too far..."

"How far?" Frank was on his feet now.

"Look...I had my arm around her and I tried to kiss her...she backed away, and I grabbed her...maybe a little too roughly, she got scared and ran out."

"Did you hurt her?" Frank demanded.

"Look I don't know! I ran after her! Why don't you go and ask her yourself!"

Frank frowned and went back to the restroom and knocked softly on the door.

"Emily...?"

He pressed his ear to the door and listened closely, "Emily?"

He heard some shuffling around, and he began to fear the worst until she came up and opened the door. She cracked it just a little to show her face,

"Yes?"

"Did Gerard....did he hurt you?"

"Not really...I'm just...I'm really tired," She explained.

"You want me to take you home?"

"In a minute."

"All right...I'll wait here."

Emily nodded and then shut the door again.

Frank frowned, she was acting funny, again. He didn't want to barge in on her if there wasn't anything wrong but, he felt he should do something to be on the safe side. He got down on hands and knees and peered under the door trying to see if anything was going on. He could see her worn sneakers standing next to the sink, the water came on and it looked as though she was fiddling with something in her pocket.

"Fuck!" She muttered and a barber's blade clanged to the ground and a few droplets of blood dropped along with it.

Frank sprang to his feet and knocked the door open. Emily staggered back holding the blade in one hand while blood shed from her forearm.

"Gimmie the blade Emily!"

"No! I have to finish! Just let me finish!"

"No! Give me the blade!" Frank grabbed the hand that held the blade and squeezed while Emily tried to pull away from him but Frank was stronger then she was and he pulled her into him and whirled her around so her back was facing him and held her close while he tried to knock the blade out of her hand.

"What's going on?!" Mikey shouted from the hallway.

"Help me get the blade away from her!" Frank shouted.

Mikey came around into the bathroom to survey the scene and as carefully as he could without getting cut himself he snatched the barber's blade from Emily's grasp closed it and put it aside.

"No!" She sobbed. "No!!" She was kicking and screaming, trying to claw her way away from Frank.

"We have to get her to the hospital...that cut is really bad..." Frank grunted through his restraint on her.

Mikey nodded, "Matt's back now...but...she needs to calm down first."

"Yeah..." Frank held her tighter and they clamored into the hallway colliding against the wall and then sliding to the ground. "Just calm down Emily...please!"

Emily was crying out incoherently, sobbing in between her babbling.

"I don't think this is going to work," Frank admitted.

"Want me to call for an ambulance?"

Frank nodded still keeping a firm grip on Emily.

Mikey dashed back down the hallway and into the kitchen where the phone was and dialed 9-1-1.

Though it only took seconds, Emily calmed down in between the time it took Mikey to call the hospital and come back into the hallway, where he found Frank talking to her soothingly.

"You've gotta stop..."

Emily was hiccupping, trying to catch her breath while Frank stroked the top of her head.

"I've been doing it for so long I don't know anything else," Emily sobbed.

"But...but why?"

"It takes my mind off what's really bothering me...everybody does it. Just not everyone cuts...money, drugs, alcohol, sex....I just use this."

Frank frowned, feeling himself on the edge of tears, "You've seen so much hurt and pain in your life, and I know it's hard for you to trust me, but believe me when I say I wanna be good for you. We'll get through it, I won't let you slip away..."

Frank's words were drowned out by the screeching of the ambulance sirens, red and blue flashing lights stretching across the length of the wall.

"I'll walk out with you..." Frank said as he brought himself and Emily to their feet.

"Don't leave," She begged.

"I won't."

Frank glared at Gerard who was now speechless,

"Don't talk to me about being a monster. You made her cut! You!"

Frank stormed off down the parking lot in a fume of rage, kicking at empty beer cans on the ground. He was near the end of the lot when he stopped and began pacing.

"Think of something happy Frank," He said to himself. "Anything!" His mind was flooded with a million memories of Emily, nothing in particular jumped out at him until...

Frank was home for the next two weeks, quite a large break in between tours, and he had decided that he and Emily would make the best of this sudden stroke of good luck. They had jetted off up north to Ampersand Bay in upstate New York to the Saranac Lakes.

He sat in the driver's seat as they sped down the high way catching glances of her out of the corner of his eye with Audioslave's 'I am the Highway' humming softly on the radio trees whipping past them on both sides.

'Perfect,' He thought to himself, 'She is absolutely perfect.'

Frank smiled secretly to himself and put his eyes back on the road. He could finally get her alone now, without the fear of his band-mates lurking behind them. Granted he loved them like brothers, but their sudden mistrust had made him take a step back and reevaluate the way he would conduct himself with Emily when he was around them.

"This will be good for us," Frank grinned and reached over and took her hand then squeezed it.

"You still owe me," Emily mentioned in a playful tone.

Frank shot a look over at her and cracked a smile, "Owe you for what?"

"In the hotel...you cut it short..."

"Hey, blame that on Gerard! Or rather blame that on yourself for being so loud."

"It's not my fault that you know what you're doing," Emily let go of his hand and began squeezing his thigh.

"Save that for the cabin sweetheart," Frank choked.

"I'm tired of waiting," Emily whispered as she unbuckled her seat belt and scooted over to Frank and began nibbling at his ear. Frank's eyes grew wide as he felt Emily's hand inching it's way closer and closer to the zipper of his jeans.

'Control Frank! Control!' He reminded himself. He reached down and grabbed her hand and threw it back. Emily sat back clutching her hand just staring at Frank, he looked over at her with a stern look,

"I say when."

Emily nodded and put her seat belt back on, "It's getting late, shouldn't we be there by now?"

"We left late, and traffic was a bitch and a half...you were asleep for that remember?"

"Oh...right," Emily smirked and looked out her window.

Frank gave her one final glance before he made up his mind to pull over. He sat there on the side of the road, engine humming, and his hands wringing the steering wheel.

"Frank, is there something wrong?" Emily asked tenderly.

"Get out," Frank said gravely.

Emily stared at him a moment and then took off her safety belt and got out of the car. Frank turned off the car and put his keys into his pocket before he too got out. He went around to the back of his truck and was rummaging around for a bit of twine.

"What are we doing?" Emily asked.

Frank could sense the fear and concern in her voice. 'Good,' He thought, 'she won't expect it then.' He pulled out a wheel of wire twine and shoved it into his pocket. He continued on to the other side of the car and grabbed her hand and began dragging her out into the twilight of the forest.

"Where are we going?" Emily questioned as she stumbled over a fallen tree trunk. Frank turned around and without a word or a sound picked her up and put her in front of him and then pushed her forward. "Frank I don't understand."

"You don't need to understand, just walk."

Frank continued to push her along, despite the rapid loss of daylight that was shrinking into the West.

"It's getting dark...I can't see..." Emily mumbled.

"Stop," Frank instructed.

Emily stopped dead and Frank came around to her and grabbed her firmly by her arm and dragged her over to the nearest tree. He pushed her back up against the trunk and took both of her arms and wrapped them around the tree and then took out his roll of twine and wrapped her hands together at the wrists, winding around and around until she couldn't move them at all.

Frank smiled maliciously and pulled out his stainless steel butterfly knife and cut the string loose and tossed the roll aside. He came around to the front of her, the moon had begun to rise and stars were blinking on into the cool jet blue of the afterglow. He held the blade below her chin inching her face towards the sky,

"Are you afraid?"

"No," Emily whispered in reply.

"You should be, cos I'm gonna tear you up and then hang you out to dry..."

Emily lowered her gaze so that she could look him in the eye, "You promise?"

Frank sneered and brought his blade down then grabbed the hem of her shirt while he sliced through it exposing her small yet ample breasts, he took one in his free hand and squeezed it tightly Emily murmured a little and tried to reach forward and kiss him but her bindings held her firmly in place. Frank stepped back again and then stooped down and took off her sandals then put his blade between his teeth while he reached up to undo her jeans and then fiercely pulled them off along with her panties. He looked up at her to find her looking back smiling down on him. Frank stood up holding her clothes in a crumbled ball in his hands with his blade still in his mouth, he tossed them aside and then bent down again taking the knife from his mouth he moved closer to her and spread her legs apart as wide as they would go, he watched her squirm and he smiled with glee. He leaned in further and spread her lips with his thumbs and inhaled her scent before he began licking delicately.

From his stand point, Frank could feel Emily's pulse through her groin. It was slow and steady at first but as his propulsion increased so did her heart rate, pitter patter pitter pat. Her breaths were sharp and quick, deep moans could be heard in between, Frank stopped a moment as he knew she was near her peak. Emily groaned in frustration and tried to close her legs and relieve herself but Frank held her firm,

"Nuh uh, I know that trick."

Emily grimaced a little and looked up at the sky while Frank went back to work on her, and once again she began panting and writhing with excitement and Frank pulled away. Emily whimpered a little the second time, thumping her head against the tree trunk in annoyance. Frank smiled in approval and then stood up and flitted his knife to the ground so that he could remove his shirt. He held her head in his hands so that he could look her in the eye,

"Eyes on me."

Emily nodded and held his gaze, Frank reached into his back pocket and pulled out a black bandanna and blindfolded her, tying the knot tight and stepped back from her and took off his shoes, pants, and boxer briefs and then stood skin to skin with Emily. He felt her shudder against him, like she was trying in some way to reach out to him. He stroked her cheek gently as he weighed in her beauty and the realization of what he was about to do. He reached down and grabbed each one of her legs spreading them apart so that he could enter her without obstruction and then hoisted her up a little and she winced from the twine that was now cutting into her skin.

Frank looked down seeing that his member was ready for entry and then he immersed himself fully into Emily's sweet sticky flesh. She cried aloud from the pressure he delivered, but he knew she could take it, she was only doing that to get a rise out of him so that he might strike her. But Frank would show her who was boss, she would learn patience and obedience and above all how to please herself as well as he. He began his pace fast and rough, he didn't want to wait for her to stretch and adjust, plus he had a feeling she wanted it that way. He pounded into her, letting his vast carnal animalistic lust and Emily's shrill cries of passion drive him. As sweat poured down them both, Frank could feel her stretch and contract, with each thrust he delivered he felt her shudder and hold him tighter he knew she was near her peak. Frank bit down on his lip as he pulled back and withdrew from her completely. Emily squealed out in panic and began thrusting out in the air to find Frank, but he was several paces back watching her with pained delight.

"Please Frank!" She cried.

He smirked and then came upon her again, delving deeper in one swift motion then he had meant to. Emily groaned and began gyrating against his hot sticky body, trying to gain release before Frank could try any other sadistic tricks on her, and Frank knew this. He chuckled to himself at how well he knew her, he didn't even know himself this well, and he didn't care to know. Frank shuddered at the sensation Emily's breath made as it cascaded down his back and once again her contracting and releasing motion began to increase and her breaths were sharp and shallow but this time he didn't remove himself from her, he stayed because he wanted this too, he wanted to feel that salacious indulgence as he plowed into her.

Frank moaned and cradled Emily's head into his shoulder and she screamed as he gave one final thrusting motion forward and finished inside of her. Frank felt down to ground and picked up his blade then reached behind and cut the twine loose from Emily's hands. She brought them around, bloodied and a little blue but despite her slight injuries she held Frank close to her,

"I love you," She mumbled before crumbling into his arms.

He stood there holding her while the summer night closed in around them, worn with exhaustion Frank gently laid her on the ground while he went and gathered their clothes, he replaced her torn shirt with his and put the rest of her clothing on her as well. After dressing himself in what little he had left he scooped her up in his arms and carried her back to the car.

Frank had by now sat down against the chain link fence and was tossing pebbles down the pavement. He looked up when Mikey came strolling down to him, a look of sheer horror on his face. Frank scrambled to his feet and met him half way.

"What's wrong?"

"Come quick! It's Emily!"

Part Three:

Frank and Mikey sprinted back to the buses where they found Ray, Bob, Gerard, and a few other members from different bands who were on tour with them, huddled around Emily who was laying on the floor pools of glistening crimson cradled around her wrists. Frank's heart began beating rapidly, he could hear it thudding in his head, like the drum of an impending doom the sound that would usher in complete heartache.

"Why are you just standing there?!" Frank shrieked as he burst through the group and knelt down to Emily.

"She said she didn't want help..." Gerard explained.

Frank scowled at him, "So you would have just left her here to die if Mikey hadn't come and got me?"

Gerard turned and walked away.

Frank just shook his head and then turned his attention back to Emily, he scooped her up in his arms and she hung limply like a frail rag doll,

"Em....Em hunny, wake up..." He shook her gently. "Emily please!" He looked up at the faces staring down on him, unknowing and confused. "Mikey...Mikey call somebody please..."

He nodded and dashed out of the bus to make the call. Frank looked down at her sullen pale face, no sign of life, no color in her cheeks, she was just stagnant.

"You're okay..." He murmured and peered down at her arm where the blood was seeping from, she must have just done this, there was no way he could have missed it earlier. Mikey trotted back inside, tucking his cell phone into his pants pocket,

"They're on their way...we'll just clear out of here...right guys?"

There was a quiet murmur of agreement and they all left in a single file line.

"Frank...?" Emily cracked. He looked down at her with hurt surprise.

"What happened baby?"

"I slipped..." She admitted as she forced a smile. "Cut too deep..."

Frank nodded in reply, he couldn't say anything, he knew he'd break down if he did and he needed to be the strong one. He was always the strong one, no matter what the situation.

Frank was pacing outside of the emergency room, sweat pouring from him, constantly wringing his hands out, waiting for Emily to emerge, catching glimpses of Ray sitting in the waiting room with Gerard slumped over next to him fast asleep, and Mikey two seats down nose deep in the Abarat.

"You'll run yourself into the ground if you keep that up," Ray yawned.

"How long does it take to sew some damned stitches?" Frank snapped.

The nurse in the waiting room glared at him.

"Sorry," Frank murmured.

The nurse frowned and went back to her diet coke and cheez-it's.

"Why are you so worried, last thing I heard you weren't interested in her like that..." Ray asked as he pushed Gerard back over to the other chair and stood up stretching his long legs.

"I'm just being a concerned friend," Frank protested.

"Sounds to me like you're being a wacked-out stalker-ish crazy person."

"I am not...I just...I really like this girl."

"You want to date her, don't you?"

"I..ye-...I...don't know," Frank shrugged and began pacing again.

"This girl seems to really have a problem...is she really someone you see a future with? You know, a house, white picket fence, 3.2 kids...all that jazz?"

"Maybe."

"I don't think she's the type of person who would have kids, Frank."

"How would you know? You barely know her!"

"Neither do you! Frank, she is a cutter do you understand that? She's got a mental illness, she needs help."

Frank stopped his pacing and looked away, hurt.

"Don't see much of a future with her now, do you?"

"What are you trying to do to me here?"

"I'm trying to make you realize the reality of the situation...Emily is just not right for you."

"I think that if she found the right person she might feel differently about having kids," Frank explained.

"And you think you're the right person?"

"Yeah...yeah I do."

The emergency room doors swished open and Emily came out clutching her arm talking to a doctor who was walking by her side.

"Emily..." Frank went up to her and hugged her tightly.

The doctor stopped and stared at Frank a moment, waiting for him to release Emily.

"Ahem...sir?" The doctor interrupted.

Frank let go of Emily reluctantly but still kept a solid arm around her and faced the doctor.

"I must implore that you get your girlfriend some professional help...she was lucky that you caught her, but she still needs to seek some psychological help."

"We'll look into it and she's not--"

"This is very serious sir, I'm going to check in on her, and I want her seeing some kind of therapist within the next few weeks, do you understand?"

"Yes doctor," Frank answered.

"Good, now get her home...she needs her rest."

"Thank you doctor," Frank ushered Emily over to where Mikey, Gerard, and Ray were. "Let's get the fuck outta here...I don't like that doctor."

Mikey yawned and nodded as he closed his book and nudged Gerard awake. They got wearily to their feet and began heading for the door.

"I'm sorry I ruined this..." Emily mumbled.

"What?" Frank asked as he held her as they entered into the stale night air.

"Meeting your friends...I fucked everything up."

"No! It's not your fault! Don't ever think that...it was just...unfortunate circumstances...you did nothing wrong," Frank stopped her, "You hear me? Nothing."

Emily nodded, barely looking at him. He pulled her into him and squeezed her tightly.

"We'll get through this, I promise."

Frank hoisted Emily up into his arms and carried her on out into the parking lot.

"You know I probably won't be coming back..." Emily professed.

"What are you talking about? You're going to be fine!" Frank exclaimed.

"That's not what I mean...I mean, they probably won't let me come back with you. I'm in it this time..."

"I won't let them take you away form me." Frank clenched his jaw as he came down the steps.

Emily brought her hand up and stoked his cheek gently, "What else can we do...?"

Frank looked down at her, "What do you want?"

"Get me outta here..."

Frank nodded slowly, "Okay...okay."

He could see Mikey coming back down from the venue talking to their tour manager, he held Emily tighter, turned around and started walking in the opposite direction towards a parking-lot full of 'free use' transportation, hoping that there'd be a set of keys in one of the numerous cars that were vacant. Frank stopped first at a blue Toyota Carola, but it was locked he then went to a green Ford Ranger and found it to be open, he gently sat Emily down in the passenger seat while he went around and got into the driver's side.

"If the keys aren't here I can always hot wire it..." He flipped down the visor and a set of keys dropped down into his lap. "Looks like we got lucky this time." He smiled over at Emily. "You sure you wanna do this?"

Emily nodded weakly.

Frank jammed the key into the ignition, bringing the engine to life. He put it in gear and gave Emily a small peck on the cheek before screeching out of the parking lot just as the ambulance came blaring into it.

Frank laughed nervously to himself as he stoked his chin, "What are we doing here, Em...this isn't like us."

Emily looked up at him wearily, she was scrunched down next to the door with her arms folded, "I don't want to think about what we're doing...or what we aren't doing...I just want to go, and I want you to be with me."

Frank nodded, keeping his eyes on the road, trying with all his earnest concentration not to break down into tears.

"Where...uh...where are we going?" Frank asked, trying to change the subject, he could feel himself crumbling.

"I dunno...we'll know when we get there."

"M'kay..."Frank gripped the steering wheel, he could feel the tears coming, slow and silent. Emily sat up and rested her head on his shoulder, "We've been through worse, baby...we can make it."

Frank nodded as his tears started rolling down, he didn't sob he just let them fall.

"How could we have come so far...only to come to this?"

Waiting, Frank seemed to be doing a lot of that lately, whether it be outside of an emergency room, inside the waiting room of a psychiatrist's office, or just waiting for a phone call from Emily to make sure she made it to work on time, he was always waiting. This time he was waiting in Emily's bedroom, she was going on tour with them, he couldn't leave her alone in such a delicate state. She'd gone through four different therapists in two weeks, none of which according to Emily, was qualified to handle her case. So Frank had taken it upon himself to be the one to put her back together again, and hopefully start a new life.

Emily emerged from the bathroom suddenly, steam rising out from her previous shower and holding her toiletry bag while she clutched a towel to her side.

Frank smiled nervously as she came into the room, Emily frowned a little,

"Would you mind waiting outside so I can get dressed?"

Frank nodded and got up, "I need to discuss something with you before we leave this morning, so hurry up."

"Okay," Emily replied as she shooed him out of her room and shut the door.

Frank stood outside of her room, and listened intently, he'd learn many times over to always listen at the door if Emily was alone on the other side. He held his breath as he waited, silently praying that he'd only hear the rustle of her clothing. Minutes passed like days, he dreaded each only to loathe the next until finally Emily opened the door with a smile and waltzed past him.

"All done...now what was it you wanted to talk to me about?" Emily was in the living room now, putting a few remaining items into her suitcase. Frank cleared his throat and swallowed hard then joined her in the living room,

"Before we leave I have to make a few things clear...just so there isn't any confusion."

"All right," Emily said cheerily as she began zipping up her luggage.

"Could you please just stop that for a second and sit down and listen to me?"

Emily turned around and faced him, she gave him a melancholic smile and then sat down and watched him intently.

"I'm not going to pretend that what's going on with you isn't very serious...we can't just parade around like it isn't going on...we have to deal with it."

"Of course!" Emily beamed.

"Just...be quiet...and listen," Frank gave a half smirk trying not to seem too perturbed. "Since you've requested that I be the one to help you through your counseling," Frank paused a moment. "Absolutely under no circumstances whatsoever will I tolerate you cutting or abusing yourself in any way, shape, or form. If I find that you have been while on tour with us...I'll send you back to Newark and have you committed...for your own good."

Emily nodded silently.

"So if you've got any kind of blades or knives in your bag, I suggest you take them out now...so I won't have to stumble across them when I check your bag."

"Y- you're going to check my bag?" Emily sputtered out.

"This isn't some pleasure cruise Em, this is real life...I'm not gonna beat around the fucking bush with this. So if you've got anything in there--"

"I don't have anything!" Emily snapped. "So don't bother checking!"

"Emily," Frank warned.

"I don't have anything!" Emily half whined.

"Do you honestly expect me to believe that with the way you're behaving, that you don't have some kind of blade stashed away in your bag? If you want me looking after you, you're gonna have to help make this work." Frank watched down on her, her lip began to quiver and she stared only at her sneakers.

"Emily...are you going to get it out, or do I have to?"

She didn't budge.

Frank sighed with frustration and reached down to unzip her bag.

"No!" Emily screeched and smacked his hand away.

"Emily!"

Frank knelt down so that he could look her in the eye, "We're not going anywhere until we've got this settled."

"Then I'm not going!" She sobbed and bolted from the couch and locked herself in her room.

Frank groaned and stood up and slowly unzipped her bag, he quickly took out her clothes and other items, leafing around for the blade she had stashed, but what Frank thought only to be a single blade in her suitcase turned out to be an entire 'cutter's kit'. Taped on the inside of her bag were three types of blades; an exact-o knife, razor blade, and a small pen knife. Along with these items was also a bottle of iodine, bandages in various sizes, gauze pads and medical tape.

"Jesus..." Frank muttered as he tore out the kit, "Sneaky little thing." He wrapped the tape around the swag and then went into the kitchen and put it all in a gallon size zip-lock baggy.

"Emily come out here!" Frank commanded as he went over to a cupboard towards the end of the kitchen that had a lock around it's handles, he bent down and fished out a key from his pocket and unlocked and then quickly tossed the kit inside where there were countless other kits, kitchen knives, and anything else Frank was afraid she'd use to harm herself.

"Emily!" He snapped. "We have to go now."

After locking the cupboard Frank went back to her bed room and softly knocked on the door. Emily didn't answer, but he knew she was in there, he reached up and felt along the paneling of the door and brought down a spare key and unlocked the door. He opened the door slowly and then sprang inside, finding Emily banging her wrists on the edge of the windowsill.

"Emily no!" Frank rushed up to her and tore her away from the window, he grabbed her by the waist and pulled her back into the hallway kicking and screaming. Frank knew he needed to get to the bathroom, where he kept a syringe filled with a sedative that one of Emily's failed psychiatrists had given him in for times just like these. He wrenched his own arms around hers and began dragging her towards the bathroom, which only made her start screaming more. Frank kept one arm around Emily while he riffled through a drawer with the other, he found the syringe quickly and pulled off the cap with his teeth and then as gently as he could while still restraining her poked the needle into her arm and pushed in the liquid.

Emily's screams stopped almost immediately and she hung limply in Frank's arms. Frank cast the syringe aside and took Emily up in his arms and took her into the living room and laid her down on the couch while he put her belongings back into her bag. She laid there silently with her eyes open only to half slits, tears streaming down her face.

"I didn't want to have to use that...but you left me no other choice...I'm going to go load up the truck." Frank picked up her bag and went out the door, he hurriedly put her bag in the bed of the truck with his own and then hustled up the steps to grab her so that they could be on their way. When he came inside Emily was still lying on the couch, motionless, he knelt down to her and stroked her cheek.

"Now am I gonna have to bring the others with me...or do you think you can behave yourself?"

Emily nodded limply, and struggled to give a smile. Frank bent down and kissed her forehead before he stood up and went around to make sure all the lights were off and everything was locked up. Frank came back to her and scooped her up in his arms and then they both went out the door. He clumsily locked the door, holding a body and locking a door at the same time is never an easy task. He hoisted her up, getting a firmer grip on her and the walked out to the car and put her in and then got in himself. Frank realized his hands were shaking when he started the truck, he sat in silence letting the engine rev while he watched his hands shake uncontrollably. He made fists trying to get it to stop but to no avail, he sighed and put his hands on the steering wheel, then looked over at Emily.

"It should wear off before we get to the round up."

Frank tried to sound cheery, but the sorrow within him couldn't help but show, he began sobbing frantically, punching the steering wheel his hands still trembling.

"You've gotta stop Em...if not for yourself...then do it for me."

Frank looked over at Emily, thinking of how similar she looked now as she did then.

"It's getting dark...we should get a room somewhere," Frank commented as they passed a road sign that read: Death Valley 100 Miles.

Part 4:

Frank watched Emily clean herself up in the bathroom from the bed, the motel room smelled like B.O. and stale cigarettes, but the scent of the room was the least of Frank's worries. He kept wondering what the guys were thinking of his brash and inexplicable actions. But even if he tried to explain it to them, they couldn't possibly understand, there was no way they could ever imagine or even fathom the depths of his love for her, and the deep rooted relationship they shared.

Frank groaned in aggravation and flew flat onto the bed, "We're going to be running forever, you know that right?"

Emily came out of the rest room and stared down at him, "We could go North...to Canada. They'd never find us..."

"It would never work, Em," Frank shook his head and then sat up suddenly. "We should just go back."

"What?! No! I'm not going back there! The stares! You can't see how they look at me! I can hear them talking about me, they think I'm nuts and that you just love me out of pity cos I've got no family!"

"Emily...that's not true."

"Yes it is! I won't go back there, I won't!" Emily began to cry and Frank came up to her and tried to put his arms around her.

"No! Don't touch me! You don't understand! No one does!"

"Emily calm down!" Frank tried to grab her but she started screaming and clawing at him and then tried to make for the door but Frank caught her by the hair and grabbed for her arm until he heard a sickening *snap*.

Emily's head was titled back in an unnatural and grotesque manner, Frank could even see a few shards of her broken vertebrae jutting out from her thin pale skin. Her leg was twisted, forming an 'L' shape, her foot nearly touched her arm that was raised high above her head, her jeans were dirty and her shirt was torn, and her shoes were strewn somewhere else in the messy hotel room. Her skin reminded him of cellophane, clear and translucent he could have mapped out her veins with a magic marker.

Frank swallowed hard, he could feel the knot in his stomach churning and pushing it's way up his throat, she'd been dead only minutes but the smell of death was thick and ripe in the air. He lurched forward clutching his mouth stumbling into the bathroom and vomited all over the bath tub. He squeamed a moment longer, trying to regain his composure. He stood up straight and smoothed out his clothing and then went back into the room, wondering what to do next.

'How could this have happened? She wasn't supposed to...how can she...? I didn't mean to be so rough...I...maybe she's okay?

Frank knelt down to Emily and brushed the hair away from her face, her pale green eyes stared up at him, bulging and blind. Frank jumped back, clutching his heart, gasping for breath. She skin was like ice, cold and hard; no beating heart, no soft breaths, just bitter, stale stagnant death.

Frank was trembling from head to foot, a million thoughts racing through his head of what he should do.

"Do the right thing, Frank." He could hear Emily's voice in his head. But not even her cool soothing voice could stop him from running out the door into the now chilly desert night, he went over to his car and got in and slammed the door shut.

Frank could smell the cold as he sat alone in the drivers seat of his car. He gripped at the steering wheel just staring at the open motel room door in front of him.

"Tell me it didn't happen," He whispered to himself. "Tell me it's okay..." He was so past shock that no amount of tears could convey his true emotion. He let go of the wheel and sat back then flicked on the radio, something to fill the deathlike void in air. Frank realized suddenly that he was shaking, whether it be from the cold or from the shock he didn't know but what ever the cause was it was choking him from the inside out.

"It's okay...she's...she's okay. SHE'S OKAY!" Frank's voice reverberated throughout the car causing the rear view mirror to vibrate a little. Frank reached forward and turned the ignition and put the car into gear. He slid out of the parking lot slowly and sped off away from the motel room that was looking more and more like a tomb.

It was late, fewer cars were on the road it was mostly semi trucks and Frank on the long lonesome valley highway. He blinked his eyes trying to ward away his innate sleepiness, but his vision was still blurred and did not see the giant boulder he was barreling towards. He collided horridly with the stone, his chest smacked against the steering wheel and the entire front end of the truck was nearly molded to the shape of the rock. He lay slumped over the wheel, staring out of the passenger side window and mindlessly reached down and opened his door and slid off onto the ground. He watched the dust and dirt rise around him in brown plumes and stung his eyes.

"She's okay," He mumbled again as darkness closed in around him.

Frank could see Emily clearly in front of him, her eyes were vibrant as ever, skin warm and flushed, and her smile was bright and cheery, but above all she was full of life. Frank choked up as she came towards him and put her arms around him.

"Thank you," She said tenderly.

"For what...? I didn't...you...aren't..."

Emily stepped back and smiled at him again, "You gave me release...and I'm finally happy."

"But I thought...we were happy...together?"

"I may have always seemed happy, but there was a part of me that felt...I don't know...lost."

"Please come back...I can't do this without you," Frank sobbed.

Emily stroked his cheek, and Frank could see her figure beginning to fade.

"Don't leave me! Please!" He cried.

"We'll see each other again..."

"No!"

Emily vanished into the darkness, leaving Frank once again in a cold lonely silence. He jerked upright staring at a reflection of himself in a mirror, he blinked trying to refocus he could feel hot tears streaming down his face he looked all around him, he was back at the motel room lying on the bed, he thought a moment and then leapt out and looked onto the floor where he'd left Emily, but she wasn't there.

"Frank...?"

He whirled around and saw Emily sitting up in bed with a sleepy dazed look on her face.

"What's wrong?"

He could have died of happiness right then and there, tears welled in his eyes again and he swept over to Emily and held her tight, fearing she might disappear again.

"It was just a dream..."He sighed.

"Yah," Emily murmured, "Just a dream."

He let go of her suddenly, but still held her by the shoulders, "Let's go back in the morning...I don't want to run forever."

Emily nodded and smiled contently, "Me either."

They laid back down, and in no time Frank could tell Emily had fallen back asleep, but he didn't dare to close his eyes for longer then a second, he didn't want to lose her again not even in the surreal and cruel realms of his subconscious mind. Loosing Emily in a dream was real enough for him to realize that no risk was worth taking, not even running off together, for what kind of life could they really have on the run? Frank wanted to make a good life for her, one without fear, one without suffering, and one without hurt.

The End.

Play Lists: Hurt Part One:

NIN- Hurt

Garbage- Beautiful

The Used- Cut up Angels

Matchbox Twenty- You Won't Be Mine

Garbage- Number One Crush

From First To Last- Emily

The Used- I'm a Fake

Hurt Part Two:

Foo Fighters- The Best of You

Audioslave- I am The Highway

Smashing Pumpkins- Ava Adora

My Chemical Romance- To The End

Midtown- Empty Like the Ocean

Counting Crows- Colourblind

Depeche Mode- Somebody

Avril Lavinge- Nobody's Home

Hurt Part Three:

Damien Rice- Prague

Yellowcard- Way Away

Dashboard Confessional- Vindicated

Simple Plan- Untitled

Goo Goo Dolls- Iris

The Cure- I'll Stop the World and Melt With You

Straylight Run- Existentialism on Prom Night

The Get Up Kids- I'll Catch You

Avril Lavinge- Slipped Away

Blink 182- I'm Lost Without You

Hurt Part Four: Tsunami Bomb- Dawn on a Funeral Day

The Killers- Somebody Told Me

Enigma and Sarah McLachlin- Silence Must Be Heard

Sugarcult- Pretty Girl (The Way)

Damien Rice- Volcano

Joss Stone- Spoiled

Pearl Jam- Last Kiss

Ray Charles- When a Man Love a Woman

My Chemical Romance- Helena