Disclaimer: I don't own the songs, I don't own the band. I do however own Stella, Helena the character, Damien, Mr. and Mrs. Johnson, and the generic nurse.. I don't own Iris however, as she is based upon a real person. Email me with feedback at jellyneohelper@yahoo.com. Chapter One: And All The Cyanide You Drank

I sat in the back of the church so I wouldn't have to look him in the eyes. My best friend, one of my only friends, was getting married. I didn't even remember how he met Helena, but they just sort of "clicked", like matching puzzle pieces. I didn't like Helena one bit. She'd come from a trashy area in New York to live in New Jersey. When Gerard and Helena were first together, she wore old beaten up tees and too tight jeans. Her Keds were beat to shit, and her figure was rather bony. The longer she was with Gerard, the healthier and better off she looked. She was still a slut, and she was only with Gerard for all the things he'd buy her, all the places he'd take her, and of course his money. I gazed out the stained glass window. It was a beautiful day, perfect for a wedding, but somehow this felt so wrong. At least I knew that the wedding party would be less than average.

"I'm so happy you came Stella!" Gerard laughed hugging me off guard. I almost fell over. He looked so handsome in his suit. Well...he looked good in most stuff too.

"Come on Gerard, you think I'd miss your wedding for anything?" I said with a fake laugh. He hugged me again, and then joined his best man, Mikey, at the altar so the ceremony could start.

Helena began to walk down the aisle with her uncle because her father was an embarrassment to her. Her red dress fit her much better than mine did, but I shouldn't have expected much from a consignment store... The "flower girls" trailed behind giving black roses to all the unmarried girls. Bob wasn't nearly as into it as Ray, who put on a cute little tiara and dress for the occasion. The priest was displeased with the spectacle, but Mikey and Gerard were turning red trying not to laugh.

"Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today to witness the blessed union between Helena Yankee and Gerard Way. If anyone has any reason why these two should not be wed, speak now or forever hold your peace." The priest said. This was my chance. This was the time.

"Father, I believe..." I saw Gerard's face. His sweet cherubic grin was fading, and his hazel eyes were turning a dull brown. I couldn't do this to him. He was my friend. He was my best friend.

"I...never mind...." I muttered as I slowly sat down. I turned the same color as my crimson dress. "Why the hell did I do that? " I thought to myself. You love him you idiot. "My conscience spoke back. "Yeah, and Ray will cross dress from now on." I laughed to myself. Ray wasn't usually the one to do that kind of stuff, but when he did, it was genius. "You know it. I wouldn't tell you that if it wasn't true. I'm your conscience dammit!" My conscience bit back. We went about this for a while. A lot longer than I'd hoped though.

"Will the ring bearer bring up the rings?" The priest asked. I forced myself not to laugh. Frank wasn't here yet.

"AHEM. Will the ring bearer please bring up the rings?" The priest asked again. Again there was silence. Gerard's eyes met mine in a private joke, and he nudged Mikey.

"SORRY I'M LATE!" Frankie hollered as he burst through the door. He had a clean hoodie on, but other than that, he wasn't dressed up. He whipped the rings out of his pocket and ran up to the priest.

"Here you go man." He ran to the back of the church, making a huge spectacle, and he sat next to me.

"Fashionably late as usual?" I asked as I gave Frankie a hug. He grinned broadly.

"You expect any less Stella?" He said with an even broader grin. "So...did I miss much?" I nodded.

"Well, Ray is in a dress as you can see, and I almost screwed over Helena. I was going to tell the priest Helena is like a hobo on a money sandwich." Frank looked surprised.

"And you didn't...?" He began, but one look at the smiling man on the altar was enough. Then he shut up. Luckily the priest was giving a huge speech on how attendance at a wedding is important, and tardiness is rude as hell the whole time we spoke. Helena then slid the band onto Gerard's finger.

"With this ring, I do thee wed." Gerard grinned. Frankie nudged me.

"Is it just me, or is the hobo a little pale?" He said. I nodded in agreement as Gerard slid the ring onto Helena's finger. I felt my eyes water.

"With this ring... I do thee wed." he said with a smile.

"I now pronounce you man and wife. You may now kiss the bride." The priest said. Then Frank, Bob, Ray and I ran out the door screaming. Gerard ran after us, dragging Helena. Mikey shrugged and joined us. We all met out on the gazebo to laugh off the whole thing. Helena refused to humiliate herself anymore. I guess she didn't want a fun wedding.

"I'm so happy you came!" He gave me a huge hug. I was surprised.

"Are you feeling ok? I almost screwed you over!" He smiled.

"But you didn't... And listen, I'm sorry if you're still upset I didn't listen to you about Helena. I'm so fucking headstrong. You can slap me next time I do something like that, okay?" I smiled.

"Like you will tomorrow?" I laughed. He then turned around to find Helena. He began to notice she was a little pale. She was much paler than before, and her breathing was a bit labored.

"Helena, are you okay?" He said with concern. She was turning blue, and Gerard stared in fear as she fell to the ground. Helena was gagging now, and foam was filling her mouth.

"ARE YOU ALL FUCKING RETARDED? CALL AN AMBULANCE!" He screamed helplessly. Chapter Two: Helena

Helena was pronounced dead on the scene. My heart bled for Gerard. He was breaking down so much his eyeliner blackened his cheeks. Frank, Ray, Mikey, Bob and I had to coax him into the van so we could take him home. He sat in the far back, his private little studio and whipped out his notebook. I glanced over the seat and saw him drawing a beautiful funeral. I assumed it was supposed to be for Helena. The corpse was in a sweet little black dress, and her feet were in sous-sous position, one of my favorite ballet moves. She was obviously dead, but something about the picture made it feel insignificant at best. Gerard was coloring it now in a fever of blacks and red. It must have taken a lot for him not to cry all over his notebook. I sat normal and whispered to Frank.

"Did you see his picture? It's intense." Frank turned slightly and looked at the picture. He was as amazed at it as I was.

"Wow... that's Gerard trying to shut out the world all right. Hopefully by tomorrow he'll at least notice when we look at him."

"I hope so..." I said with tear filled eyes. Gerard's POV

I put my entire heart into the picture. Every scribble was a feeling; the red was for anger, the gray was for self-resentment, and black was for how I felt when I saw Helena die. It's an indescribable feeling of misery and woe nobody can understand unless you have it happen to you. The corpse in the picture looked nothing like Helena... It was a cross between my mother and ...Stella. Why is she always on my mind? I thought to myself. The answer was right in front of me. She wouldn't understand...and what if she doesn't love me back? I thought to myself, choking back tears.

"Are you ok Ger?" She called me by my nickname. She only did that when she was really worried about something. I could hear her feet crash to the bottom of the van. I never broke my gaze from the painting. Stella hung on my arm. She was as entranced by it as I was.

"She was a beautiful girl, I'm sorry you lost her..."She said trying not to cry. I turned to her for the first time since I saw Helena die. Stella's cheeks were streaked black. I brushed some stray hairs out of her face. She knew I didn't care if she cried in front of me but she still suppressed it.

"The picture was actually of you... and my mother in some aspects. Two people I'd die if I lost..." She looked at me in shock. I let her cry on my suit; I didn't give a fuck about the stupid thing anymore. I didn't give a fuck about anything.

I picked up a guitar and tried to write a song for Helena's funeral. She may have broken my heart and used me, but I needed closure. Stella was still crying. I prayed the song would dry her stained cheeks like the painting helped dry mine. "Long ago, just like the hearse you died to get in again, we are so far from you..." Chapter Three: I'll Never Let Them

I decided that Stella and the guys should stay over my house that night. I needed them all, especially Stella. By the way she looked, I could tell she needed me back.

"So...are you sure that you're ok Gerard?" Stella queried as she lay on my arm. I responded with a lyric I had written for a garage band, if I ever made one.

"I'm not o-fucking-kay!" The room filled with laughter. It felt good to have everyone smiling. Especially Stella.

"So, Ger-Bear, are we going to watch a chick flick and then make out?" Ray asked from over in the corner. I love how Ray always cracks a joke at just the right moment.

"Actually Ray-Ray, I was hoping for a slasher flick. I can hold you through the scary parts baby." I laughed. Frank stood up defensively. "No way man, he's my girlfriend, we agreed on that already!" Stella almost passed out on top of me laughing, which I would have loved. Mikey looked like he was going to explode laughing, and Bob passed out. Stella managed to grab the remote and go to channel one, On Demand.

"Ok...let's get a movie courtesy of Mr. Way here." She cheered. Stella looked through the "HORROR" section.

"Seen it, trust me it's total crap. Crap. Mucho crap..." Mikey threw a book at her head. She cracked him a pissed smile and kept going through the list. We all agreed on the last movie on the list, The Blood Lust Trinity. It was fantastic. There was a lot of gore, but it was done in good taste, if that's possible. The last scene mortified Stella though. You saw a man; I swear it was a real live man, being gutted like a pig, and the savage rouge vampires were drinking off of every orifice of his body. I mean EVERY ORIFICE. It actually made me cringe a little. Stella held me as close as she could, and I stroked her head.

"It's over sweetie, it's over. It's going to be ok." She was sobbing into my shirt. The guys were a little shaken up, so they went out to get some Burger King. I made sure Mikey had enough money to pick up Stella and I some food. Stella was in a state of terrible shock. I held her and I sang a song to hush her. Songs seemed to help her the most.

"I'll never let them, I'll never let them I'll never let them hurt you not tonight I'll never let them, I can't forget them I'll never let them hurt you, I promise..." Chapter Four: We Could Take To The Highway....

I woke up the next morning in Gerard's arms. I couldn't help but try to go back to sleep, I was so ecstatic just to be in his arms. Everyone else soon woke up though, starting with Gerard.

"Hey Stella, are you feeling better?" He asked as he stroked my hair. I smiled and sat up a little. I didn't want him to let me go yet. I'd never felt like he wanted me near him like this in all my years as his friend.

"Yeah Ger, I'm much better. I think we should have gone with Ray's idea though."

"What? Did someone call my name?" Ray said as he broke out of his morning daze.

"God, I though after all we've been through you'd remember how you cheated on me last night baby!" Frank called from the kitchen. It was time for his caffeine fix. Bob and Mikey were just waking up; horrified that they had almost French kissed each other in their sleep. I joked that we'd taped it, but sadly we only managed a picture.

"Guys, be serious, we DO have a funeral to go to today." Bob said, pouring a sheet of gloom throughout the room.

"I'm not going." Spoke Gerard coldly. "Because I actually know how she died. She died of a bad dose of Crystal Meth. And she used my money to buy it. I was just a walking bank to her..." I wanted to slap Bob for saying anything. Frank, Ray, and Mikey left the house because they thought that right now would not be a good time to hang around. Bob didn't move though. Bob was being a lazy ass and staying in place. I gave Bob a corroding look.

"Bob you fucktard! Get your sorry ass out of here unless you want to get your sorry ass on my mantle!" I yelled. He scrambled to get up and ran out the door to his car. Gerard was muttering to himself in a very unstable manner.

"I need my pills...the pills will make the pain stop..." He repeated to himself over and over again as he picked up the orange container and began to open it. I didn't trust him with it with the mood he was in.

"No Ger, please. Don't take the pills. They won't make the feeling go away, trust me. You know what happened to me when I took pills... I took about 8 at a time to try and get high, and I almost killed myself..." He fought me for the pills at first but he slowly stopped the struggle. He looked like he wanted to die. If I married someone whom I loved that much, and then they died after betraying me, I'd kill myself too. I picked up a notebook of his and started sketching in it. I was surprised he didn't protest since his art is his life. I drew a girl on it. She was suffocating inside a bottle of pills. She was wearing a red dress, and she was very pretty. She had a dirty look on her face though. Like she wanted you to come in there and die with her. I grabbed a black pencil off of the coffee table and colored in a fever. Gerard watched me in awe.

"That's incredible Stella, how'd you come up with that so fast?"

" You inspired me." I said holding him close. We held hands as we gazed into each other's eyes. I never noticed quite how hazel they were... And his face is the most beautiful thing in the world... I wanted his lips on mine. I needed them on mine. I moved closer to him. And then I moved closer still. I could feel his breath on my lips. I brushed my lips ever so gently against his. I could taste his sweet lips, and I wanted in. He was a tease though, and didn't let me in right away. As my tongue explored his mouth, the feeling was orgasmic. His tongue and mine had the kind of sex only tongues have. The moment was wrecked when the guys came back.

"So this is what you do when I leave? Find a new woman? I thought we had something special!" Ray hollered, sort of drunk. Mikey and Bob were dragging him by the feet onto the couch. Frankie swaggered in, also drunk, a minute later. Oddly, he was a bit more serious than usual.

"Ger-Bear, we're still in our clothes from last night...are you up to the funeral?" Frank slurred. He's really a rather peculiar drunkard. I looked at Gerard, and he looked back at my icy blue eyes. He grasped my hand. And he spoke calmly. Not depressed, not angry, but calmly. "We could take to the highway..." Chapter 5: So Long And Goodnight

We finally arrived at the funeral parlor. Helena's father owned it. He was actually a wonderful and kind man. I guess the truth about her walking down the aisle with her uncle was she was ashamed of HERSELF. The funeral parlor was actually pretty nice considering it literally was a parlor for the church, Our Lady Of Sorrows. Mr. Yankee made sure his daughter's funeral was the best. We all walked into the church. It was rather well staged. His only wish out of me was that we'd play a song for Helena. Then we'd leave. I was happy that's all we had to do. I couldn't stand to be in the same room as Helena. We rigged our equipment up, and tuned quickly. A few family friends who had known about Helena's problem came and filled into the first few rows. My family and the guys' parents came too. My friends and I are really close like that. The other half of the church was empty. Except for my biggest fan sitting in the very back row. Helena did something to her, even in death that made her feel like she shouldn't be up close. I smiled at her and began the song.

" Long ago Just like the hearse, you die to get in again We are so far from you

Burning on, just like a match you strike to incinerate The lives of everyone you know And what's the worst you take From every heart you break And like a blade you stain Well, I've been holding on tonight

What's the worst that I can say? Things are better if I stay So long and goodnight So long and goodnight

Came a time When every star falls Brought you to tears again We are the very hurt you sold And what's the worst you take From every heart you break And like a blade you stain Well, I've been holding on tonight

What's the worst that I can say? Things are better if I stay So long and goodnight So long and goodnight

Well, if you carry on this way Things are better if I stay So long and goodnight So long and goodnight

Can you hear me Are you near me Can we pretend to leave and then We'll meet again, when both our cars collide

What's the worst that I can say Things are better if I stay So long and goodnight So long and goodnight

Well, if you carry on this way Things are better if I stay So long and goodnight So long and goodnight. ...I love you Stella." I threw the last line just for her. Why deny how I felt anymore. I was so close to having her; I decided to take the plunge. I could see her turning red and running out of the church.

"Ray! Could you pack the mic and stuff?" he nodded. I ran out after Stella, praying I hadn't fucked up the chance of a lifetime. I saw the edge of her red dress on the corner of the wall. It was starting to rain while she began to cry.

"Stella? Are you ok? I guess I fucked up, huh..." I said leaning on the wall beside her. She looked up from the ground at me.

"You idiot, I'm not upset. I'm overwhelmed. " I looked at her awestruck. I never dreamed she'd actually feel the same way I did about her.

" I love you Ger-Bear, I always have." She smiled, and I gave her the best kiss I'd ever experienced myself. Chapter 6: Your Life Will Never Be The Same

Ray and Bob were lifting all the heavy equipment out into the van, while Mikey took the mic equipment. Frankie only took his guitar, Pansy with him. Ray gave Gerard an all-knowing smile. He grasped my hand and we ran off into the van. Gerard actually sat in a seat like a normal person for once, with his arms around me. Mikey looked a little shocked, but I mean REALLY, he's his brother, he should know when these things are going to happen. Frankie and Ray pretended to be hurt. I love them so much. Bob was sort of to himself. He was probably coming up with a big plan for something. The ride back to Gerard's house was going to take FOREVER because Our Lady Of Sorrows was on an obscure corner of town. Gerard reached in the back of the van and grabbed his beat up guitar. He wasn't great at playing, but he sure could sing. He began to play my favorite song, Vampires Will Never Hurt You. Gerard and the guys were really good, but they knew their band wouldn't ever go far. Gerard kept playing songs, and soon we were down to kiddy songs.

"If you're happy and you know it clap your hands..." Mikey said for perhaps the tenth time. Luckily we were pulling into the driveway. We were so happy to see the house again. I almost kissed the carpet, but considering some of the stuff that's gone on in this area of Jersey, I decided that was a death wish. Ray, Frankie, Mikey and I sat down to watch a movie while Bob and Gerard went to make popcorn.

"Come on Stella, do we have to watch Labyrinth?" Ray said with pleading eyes. I laughed it off.

"Yes Ray-Ray, as you so rudely put it, we DO." I said smiling with glee. The only thing that made me as happy as Gerard was Labyrinth. Bob came back out with the popcorn. Gerard came out of the kitchen a few minutes later with something in his hands. He got down on one knee and smiled. I almost cried.

"I'm not going to sing, or do something corny. Stella, will you marry me?" Then I cried. He slid a gorgeous ruby ring onto my finger. It's amazing he'd jump back into a relationship like this so soon. I guess hanging with him to the end was what did it. Being a good friend really is important. Chapter 7: ...Would You Bury Me

I finally did it. I asked Stella the question that had burdened me for at least 2 years now (that's how long Helena and I were together). After a very tender kiss to dry her tears, we sunk into the couch. Ray started the DVD for us. It took all of Stella's effort not to recite the whole movie with dramatic action. She did it without the movie all the time.

"Through dangers untold, and hardships unnumbered, I ha-" I put my hand over her mouth so she wouldn't wreck the end of the movie. She gave me a look, but then she settled back down next to me. I wrapped my arm around her as she laid her head on my shoulder. The credits soon began to roll. Bob and Ray got up and grabbed their jackets.

"Bye Ger-Bear, Stella, and uhm...." Ray pretended he couldn't remember their names. Frankie gave him the "Oh no you DIDN'T!" look, filling the room with laughter. Stella got up and gave them both a hug.

"Too bad you have work in the morning. I was hoping you and Frankie would stay up all night making out." We all laughed and said our last goodbyes. Frankie decided to stay the night. He planned on bunking with Mikey tonight. I hoped Frankie wasn't seriously trying to make Ray jealous.

"So Ger, it's just you and me I guess." Stella said. Mikey and Frankie had gone to the basement to sleep. It was only midnight; I knew they could stay up longer.

"Let's go to that bistro you've been telling me about, Gepetto's right? " She nodded. We hopped in the van and Stella popped in one of her favorite cds, Panic! At The Disco. Surprisingly, I joined her in singing the chorus as loud as possible.

"Testosterone boys and harlequin girls, will you dance to this beat and hold a lover close? Testosterone boys and harlequin girls, will you dance to this beat and hold a lover close?"

I'm pretty sure we shouldn't have had the windows open in the van. I thought I heard a very drunk Ray scream out of his car.

"Shut the fuck up man, I'm trying to sleep." Bob was driving thank God. I think I'd shoot Ray if he was that reckless. Stella was sort of quiet when she wasn't singing. I wondered what was on her mind. Soon the van was in front of the bistro. The guy at the counter recognized Stella.

"Oh my God, is that really you Stelle-Belle? I haven't seen you since graduation!" Stella looked confused for a second, but quickly remembered the face and smiled. I was irked he used a cutesy nickname for MY fiance.

"Man Dami, you've possibly become more of a loser than our first year in high school." She laughed. The face clicked with me finally. It was Damien Hawthorne, one of our old high school friends. He hadn't changed that much from high school really, he just dyed his hair bright red. He still wore the same ratty old hoodie he'd always worn, and he still didn't know how to correctly apply his makeup. Damien led us to a nice table in a secluded booth and handed us our menus.

" Since you two are here on a date, I suppose you want the house wine, right?" He said whipping out a notebook. My eyes met with Stella's and I began to laugh.

"Nah, just get me the best booze you got. And no imported shit!" I said feigning drunkenness. Damien knew that of course I meant the most expensive stuff they had. He laughed and walked off to the kitchen. Stella and I began to read the menu's first few lines

Gepetto's Carolina's Choose Your Own Pasta and Sauce $10.00 Giovanni's Garlic Bread $5.00 Pizza $5.00

"Wow, not much variety here. I guess I'll just get some gemelli and tomato sauce. You?" I looked at the menu. The rest of the things on the menu were pretty much along those lines.

"Hmmm... I guess I'll go with the chicken Parmesan with ziti." I said. Damien came out with our wine and took our orders. He knew after a few swigs of the wine we'd be in "fuck me" mode so he left. I spent most of the time staring into Stella's eyes. They were so icy blue that I was practically under a spell. If I died at that very moment, I wouldn't have cared. She looked so innocent, but so seductive...She was almost toying with me. Damien soon came out with our food. He could tell that I would kill him if he wrecked the moment. He slid the food down and quickly ran out of the room again. Stella ate her food absentmindedly. Her eyes never left my own. I did the same. It seemed with each sip of wine I took the more I wanted her. By the time we'd paid and hopped into the van, we were almost piss drunk. Stella still had the brains to call Mikey to walk down and drive us home. Which left us alone in the van for about an hour until Mikey would get there. I was already starting to get a bit of a hangover, and so was Stella, but we didn't care. Stella smiled at me and unzipped my pants. She put on the most innocent face as she slid my pants off. I began to slide off her pants and she went for my boxers. Before I could blink we were naked.

"Ger, do it. Do it right now!" She said as I positioned myself. I knew after this I couldn't take it back. I wanted to make sure she really wanted this. Her eyes pleaded to me, and I entered her. She winced in pain, but the pain soon melted to moans of pleasure. She began to play with my hair, and I returned the favor by dragging my tongue up her chest. She pushed hard to give me more pleasure. The van was soon filled with our synchronized moans as we climaxed in synchronization with the music playing. We then just lay together in each other's arms kissing and enjoying the other's perfection. I heard a tap on the window and we both rushed to put our clothes back on. Thank God we had tinted windows. Mikey opened the door and hopped into the front seat.

" So... I guess that you guys aren't drunk anymore...I heard you fucking from a mile away because one of you left the phone on." Now my hangover REALLY kicked in.

"That top shelf shit gives a hell of an early hangover. Get us home so we can get some fucking aspirin." Mikey chucked the aspirin bottle tot the back of the van in a "I'm way ahead of you" gesture. We both downed the pills and fell asleep in the van while our agonizing hangover wore off slowly. Chapter 8: And All The Smiles That Are Ever Gonna Haunt Me

I woke up with only a vague memory of much after eating. I remembered having sex though. After that, it was all fuzziness and intense pain. I tried to sit up, but I found I was tied down. I looked up into the eyes of Helena. They were filled with envy and malice. Gerard was handcuffed to her, and he was...enjoying it.

"Gerard...if you love me will you kill this bitch?" She looked at him with venomous eyes and handed him a razor. Gerard's eyes met mine and I began to cry. I saw no emotion in them.

"Please Gerard...don't..." My eyeliner was dripping down my face. He untied one of my hands and I smiled. He raised the razor and my smile faded. I felt it dig into my skin and I felt intense pain. Somehow it felt good. It made me forget the emotional pain I was feeling. Gerard smirked in his cute little way, but this time I was frightened. The blood trickled down my arm in a waterfall of red. Helena liked this.

"I think she's had enough. LICK her clean." She was so cruel. Gerard was almost seductive in the way he licked it off. It hurt so much to have him torture me this way. Helena stroked his hair, like he was a dog. He WAS a dog. He'd do anything she asked for reward, no matter what. I bet Helena wouldn't really have him kill me. She'd torture me until I WANTED to. I noticed her hand moving down to his zipper. He began to slide out of his pants and unzipped her dress. As it fell down I saw she wore nothing underneath. The little whore. Gerard slowly removed his shirt and suit jacket, dropping them on top of me.

"Oh Gerard, fuck me!" Helena screamed. Gerard positioned himself and I began to scream.

"YOU BITCH, GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM HIM!" I then woke up in Gerard's arms, thrashing and still screaming. I looked around slowly and realized it was all a dream. I sobbed into Gerard's shoulder. It had felt so real... I'd never had a dream that vivid before.

"It's ok Stella. Tell me what happened." I was shaking violently as I recalled the whole thing to him over a cup of coffee. Every sip I took made me feel a little better. He stroked my hair gently, and I found a lot of comfort in that.

"She's not going to hurt you. I'll never let her hurt you, I promise." He made me feel a lot better, but I still couldn't shake the shakes. Gerard and I sat together in peace for a few minutes like that and then Mikey and Frank ran in.

"Gerard, is everything ok? I heard Stella screaming and-" Mikey began. Frankie cut in.

"And we came as fast as we could." Gerard told them the story and held me close the whole time. It must have been harder for him to tell the story than it was for me. Every time he mentioned betraying me in the dream he cringed. I can't imagine how he must have felt. I did take comfort in the fact he cringed though, because that eased the fears I had that he might do something that cruel to me. We all sat in silence for a while. It was a bit to quiet for me, so I broke the silence.

"Let's go out for some food. I think we could all use something in our stomachs to cheer us up." Chapter 9: If You Marry Me

The next few days passed rather quickly. Stella and I had a bit of difficulty agreeing on colors for the wedding, so she bought a new red dress, much nicer than Helena's had been, and I wore a suit with pinstripes. Frankie got a shirt that had a picture of a suit on it, Ray wore a suit this time, Bob didn't change at all, and Mikey got a suit to match mine. Stella had Damien be her maid of honor because if she picked one of her girl friends, the other girls would hate her. Damien wouldn't wear a dress no matter how much we all begged him to. He wore a hair bow though to at least attempt to be a woman. The ceremony went by almost exactly the same as my wedding to Helena, but this one was flawless. The end was spectacular.

"I now pronounce you man and wife. You may now kiss the bride." The priest said. As my lips met with Stella's, the band grabbed their instruments and began to play.

"He calls the mansion not a house, but a tomb. He's always choking from the stench and the fume. The wedding party all collapsed in the room. So send my resignation to the bride and the groom. Let's go down!

This elevator only goes up to ten. He's not around; he's always looking at men Down by the pool. He doesn't seem to have many friends as they are. Face down and bloated snap shot with the lens.

If you marry me, Would you bury me? Would you carry me to the end?

So say goodbye to the vows you take. And say goodbye to the life you make. And say goodbye to the heart you break. And all the cyanide you drank.

She keeps a picture of the body she lends. Got nasty blisters from the money she spends. She's got a life of her own And it shows by the Benz She drives at 90 by the Barbies and Kens.

If you ever say never too late I'll forget all the diamonds you ate Lost in coma and covered in cake. Increase the medication. Share the vows at the wake.

If you marry me, Would you bury me? Would you carry me to the end?

So say goodbye to the vows you take And say goodbye to the life you make And say goodbye to the heart you break And all the cyanide you drank.

And say goodbye to the last parade And walk away from the choice you made And say goodnight to the heart you break And all the cyanide you drank.

So say goodbye to the vows you take And say goodbye to the life you make And say goodbye to the heart you break And all the cyanide you drank.

And say goodbye to the last parade And walk away from the choice you made And say goodnight to the heart you break And all the cyanide you drank.

To the last parade When the parties fade And the choice you made To the End."

Stella and I fronted the song, and Our Lady Of Sorrows filled with mixed emotions. We then ran packed out equipment up and left. Stella's parents sat stunned. I guess they haven't caught on to the fact that she isn't a snooty bitch like they tried to raise her to be. We didn't stay and talk to anyone after the wedding, Stella and I were too eager to get home and spend our first night as husband and wife together. Chapter 10: Can You Hear Me (NINE MONTHS LATER)

"GER! MY WATER BROKE!" I screamed. Gerard and Mikey ran in right away and helped me out to the new car we bought. Mikey drove because Gerard was as frenzied as I was. He held my hand as Mikey sped down the road to the hospital. It was comforting that Gerard was by my side, because my father hadn't been around when I was born. I didn't want to have a child stuck with an asshole stepfather. Mikey drove on like a madman only to find the hospital was full up with burn victims from a recent fire.

"I'm dreadfully sorry Mr. Way, you're just going to have to find somewhere else. Everyone here is in critical condition, it would be a travesty to give up a room to a perfectly healthy woman." The nurse said feigning an apology. We all knew the whore full well. It was the biggest bitch from high school, and she hadn't changed one bit, except maybe in chest size.

"If isn't Iris Motley! I didn't think you'd actually get a REAL job. It's a wonder you finished high school, let alone medical school." I bitched at her. Gerard gave her a dirty look and flipped her off. Mikey gave an "I didn't say anything!" look and we left.

"I'm going to fucking kill that bitch! She knows perfectly well it's the only hospital close enough that you wouldn't have the baby in the car." Gerard snapped.

"AHHHHHHH! GER, IT'S COMING NOW!" I began to push and Mikey began to search for blankets and scissors to cut the cord. I was in agony as he held my hand. I pushed as hard as I could to get the baby out and PLOP, there it was. I was still in pain, so I pushed again.

"GER! I THINK THERE'S ANOTHER ONE!!!!!!!" I screamed as the second child came out. Gerard cut the cords and cleaned off the babies with one of the blankets Mikey found. Gerard took off his jacket and wrapped the babies in it. I just held them quietly. Gerard was beaming. We decided to name the girl Elena Rush Way after her great grandmother, and the boy Gerard Arthur Way after his father. We went back into the hospital because now they HAD to give us a room. Luckily Iris was just getting off her shift.

"Good god Miss, you had the baby in the car? We'll get you a room right away, RIGHT, Miss Motley?" The head nurse said. Iris was most likely going to be fired for what she did, and thank God. I was quickly wheeled to a room although I could walk just fine. The babies were whisked off to the infant ward and officially received their names. Gerard fell asleep next to my hospital bed, and soon so did I. Childbirth isn't exactly a walk in the park. Chapter 11 Think I'll Die Alone

A few days later Stella and the babies were finally OK to come home. I think the hospital was over concerned, but at least I knew that nothing would happen to them on the way out. Iris was no longer allowed to wheel patients around. She was on sponge bath shift for the elderly female burn victims. Stella sat down, holding the small bundle tight, and we began the trip. Everything went rather smoothly. Stella and I had it made. We had the storybook romance. I still couldn't believe that 9 months before I'd nearly lost this all for the worst decision of my life. Stella played with the babies' tiny toes and gave them butterfly kisses. She was going to be such a great mommy. We were about half way home when it started to pour. I decided that we should go the long way home from that point on to avoid the huge puddles. I wish I could take that decision back. The farther we went on the road, the worse the rain got. I could barely see out the window. That's why I didn't see the car that darted in front of us until we collided. I heard Stella scream, and then it went black.

"Gerard... It's ok Gerard, you're going to be ok." I heard a familiar voice say. It was my grandmother. I must have died... I thought to myself as I began towards the light.

"No Gerard, it's not your time yet. You have someone back there waiting for you." I looked back and I saw Stella drift backwards into her body. We WERE dead. At least close to it anyways. I noticed a small basket at my feet. It was the babies. It took one look at my grandmother to know that they weren't coming with us. I shed a tear.

"Gerard...Gerard...Gerard." I heard a voice call as I woke up. It was Stella. She had some bad cuts to the face, and a few broken bones, but she was otherwise fine. I had some broken bones and a few pains too, but none as bad as the emotional pain. WHY DID I TAKE THE LONG WAY? WHY? The babies would still being cooing and wiggling their sweet little toes if I hadn't made such a big fucking mistake. When the nurses left, I went into the bathroom and smashed the glass on the mirror. I quickly wrote a note in red sharpie:

Stella,

I'm sorry I killed the babies. I can't live with myself knowing that if I had taken the other road that they'd still be in your arms. I'm sorry I have to do this Stella. I love you with all my heart and never forget that.

XoXo Ger-Bear (Stella's POV)

I noticed Gerard had gone to the bathroom, so this would probably be my only chance to put my plan into action. I grabbed the nearest sharpie and began to write

Ger, Words can never say how much I love you. I never want to hurt you, but I'm afraid I will have by the time you read this. I can't live with myself anymore. Gerard and Elena were the most important thing in our lives, and I couldn't protect them. I feel like shit. Please forgive me, I'm sorry.

XoXo Stelle-Belle

I grabbed the nearest sharp thing I could find, a Swiss Army knife. It had no business being in a hospital, but I assured it got in there. (Stella and Gerard's POV)

I brought the edge to my wrist and cried out in pain. It hurt much more than I thought it would. It didn't make me feel alive like some people have said it does. I heard a scream from the other room. Shit, what have I done? DENOUMENT

I awoke with Frankie, Mikey, Ray, Bob and my parents surrounding my bed.

"Thank God you're alive. I don't know what I'd do if you committed suicide. You're my baby and you always will be" Mom said. Mikey gave me a gentle hug. He always stands by me when I need him. He still didn't take the pain that almost killing myself had caused. The guys had also brought me a special gift. It was a painting of Gerard and me at the wedding.

"He'd been working on it for a while. He was planning on giving it to you as a gift when you came back from the hospital..." Ray said quietly.

"Why are we talking in the past tense?" I said and then it hit me. The scream I'd heard had been Gerard's. Ray sadly handed me the note and I felt my eyes blur as I read it.

Stella,

I'm sorry I killed the babies. I can't live with myself knowing that if I had taken the other road that they'd still be in your arms. I'm sorry I have to do this Stella. I love you with all my heart and never forget that.

XoXo Ger-Bear

Ger-Bear. Ray and Frankie had always called him that in the good times, and I'd told him I loved him back with that nickname. It was one of the only things I had left of him. Memories of the good times. I'd never let anyone mention the nickname again. I kept the note close to my heart and began to sob.

" I miss you. I miss you so far. And the collision of your kiss that made it so hard..." I sang shakily. Cemetery Drive was one of our special songs. We each recorded a tape of the other singing it, so when we were apart, we'd never really be apart. Mikey had remembered that, and he handed me the tape out of his pocket.

"I brought it because I knew you'd want it." He said sitting on the side of my bed. I sobbed helplessly into his shoulder. He stroked my hair gently and sang the chorus back to me softly. Somehow he made it hurt less. Somehow, he gave me hope.