Disclaimer: this would only happen if pigs grew wings and flew from Norfolk Virginia to Angora California.

::Chapter One::

I hated to see my beautiful baby brother with my best friend. It left an infernal burning in my heart and I couldn't help but just sit there and dream about what I could be doing with him.

I wanted to lay him down and sleep peacefully with my brother, I wanted to kiss him gently, I wanted to love him like Frankie could, but I couldn't. My brother didnt want that, I knew he didnt.

My brother was always careful on the guys he picked, they had to be caring and gentle, they had to love him for who he was, and they had to know how to make him feel good.

I was all of those things, I just couldn't, because, I'm his fucking brother, not his lover. Only in my wildest dreams would I ever get the chance to be that.

I lay in bed at about 1:30 am and I hear slight moans from Mikey and Frankie's bunk. I knew it was Mikey. I put on some Smashing Pumpkins and tried to ignore it, I couldn't. I felt tears burning at the rims of my eyes, I sniffed, trying to hold them back. I couldn't, I began to bawl like a fucking baby. I buried my face in my pillow, crying, screaming, I wanted to make my baby brother moan like that.

I screamed as loud as I could into my pillow and cried hard. I wanted to release it all. I began to cough and it began to hurt to cry. I had to stop. I lay back on my tear-wet pillow and stared at the ceiling. The moaning was quieter, it must be Frankie now.

"Can you keep it to fuck down!!" I yelled angrily over my music, hoping they didnt hear the sadness in my voice.

"O-Ok!" Mikey replied, breathing hard.

I went back to crying in my pillow. I felt hands rub my back. I knew it was Ray. He climbed into bed with me and held me close to him. He always did this, he comforted me. he was my best friend. He kissed me softly and held my head in his hands.

"Shhhh .. "Ray whispered and rocked me in his arms.

"I love him." I said quietly, for only him to head.

"I know you do sweetheart." Ray replied softly, rubbing my back.

I fell asleep listening to Ray breathe.

::Chapter Two::

I woke up to find Ray still there, his arms wrapped around me and his breathing soft. I was so glad he loved me enough as a friend to comfort me when I was down.

I quietly and carefully climbed out of bed and left Ray sleeping peacefully.

I took a quick shower and went to get breakfast. Ray was out there making a bowel of Honey Nut Chex.

"Want some babe?" He asked, holding up the box.

"Sure." I replied, sitting across the table from him.

He poured me a bowel and brought it to me. I kissed his arm to show him a 'thank you'.

Bob came out and sat down at the table, resting his head in his hands.

"Raise your fucking hand if you couldn't sleep through the sex?" He asked tiredly.

Ray and I both rose out hands.

"Exactly." Bob said.

"Exactly what?" Frankie asked, coming out of the bedrooms with Mikey's arms around his waist.

"You and Frank's fuckin sex!" Bob said angrily.

They both giggled.

"Don't fuckin laugh you bitches." Ray spat.

"What the fuck is your problem?" Mikey asked, taking a step toward Ray.

"I don't have a problem, you two do, being incon-fucking-ciderate of others peoples rest! You stupid fuck!" Ray yelled.

Mikey lunged at Ray and threw him against the counter and Ray hit him in the mouth. Frankie came in and smacked Ray. However, Ray pushed Frankie onto the floor. Mikey headed toward ray but I jolted up and covered Ray with myself. Mikey slapped me dead in the face.

I stared at him with disbelief.

"Gee . .I. ." he began.

"Forget it Mikey, you're just going to say 'sorry' and everything will be alright again. Whatever, lets just eat breakfast." I said, Ray and I walking back to our cereal.

"No, uh . .I'm going to go back to sleep." Mikey whispered. Frankie followed him.

"Great, their gonna bang again!" Bob said quietly. Resting his head back on the table.

"God damn it." Ray said.

"What?" I asked.

"My nose, and so is yours." He said, pointing at my face.

"Great." I said, getting up to get some paper towels for us both.

We cleaned our face off and finished our cereal.

I walked into the bathroom to brush my teeth, but Ray came in to take a shower.

"OOh, uh. . I'll be out in a minute." I replied, spitting out toothpaste, then swishing water.

"Gerard . ." He began.

"What?" I said.

"Can I kiss you? Once?" He asked.

"We're just friends Ray." I replied.

"I know .. I want to kiss you, but as a friend." He said. "Please."

"Ok." I said, holding my hands out for a hug. He hugged me and first then brought his lips to mine. They were soft and delicate. He then slid his tongue slowly into my mouth and it was the first kiss I had had from any person that I cared about since my last boyfriend three years back.

We kissed for minutes, I didnt want to let go, neither did he. I sat my self up on the counter and brought our faces more leveled. I ran my hands up and down his back, but then remembered we were just friends and stopped, not wanted to give him the wrong idea.

"Go ahead, I don't mind, do what you want. I know you don't love me like that anyhow." he whispered, then went back to kissing me.

I resumed my hands down his back and then he pulled my shirt off. His hands ran smoothly down my spine, ran through my hair, and then he broke the kiss to kiss and suck at my neck. I did the same, and kissed his broad shoulders.

"Your beautiful Gerard, don't let anybody tell you your not." He whispered and kissed me one last time.

I sat there on the counter and watched him undress, but I turned away.

"It's alright, I don't mind." Ray replied, stepping into the shower, turning on the water.

I didn't say anything. I just listened to the pitter-patter of the water and the sound of the water rinsing out of his hair.

I left the bathroom and began to walk into the bedrooms. As soon as I opened the door, I saw Mikey and Frank. Frank had Mikey pushed up against the wall and they were giggling and kissing. Mikey was just in his boxers, his legs wrapped around Frankie's waist.

"Oh, umm..sorry. I just need to get my headphones." I lied, and walked past them and entered my bunk. I lay there, staring at the ceiling, hearing the giggling and moaning, once again.

::Chapter Three::

I felt the tears burn my eyes again. I held them back. I walked out of the room quickly, passing, once again the "sex scene". I rushed into the kitchen and thankfully Bob was asleep on the couch and Ray was still in the shower.

I quickly opened up the cupboard and pulled out all of the pull bottles that we're ever mine, Wellbutrin, Zoloft, bags of X that I never threw out. I poured them all onto the counter and got a cup of water, than I felt a sting at my face. It was Ray.

"Don't you fuckin' dare!" he yelled, pulling the glass of water away from me.

"Ray . .please." I begged, tears falling from my eyes.

"No! I'm not going to let you sedate yourself with drugs because your fuck-head brother doesn't notice you love him to death, literately!" Ray said.

"I want the water, please pour me some so I can get this over with Ray." I said, wiping my face.

"No! I love you Gerard. I'm not letting you hurt yourself!" He yelled.

There was silence. Did he just say he loved me?

I rushed back into the bathroom and shut the door. I grabbed my razor quickly and picked out the blade. I backed up against the door so Ray couldn't get in. I brought the blade to my wrist fast and deep, blood came fast and easy and it felt so good.

"Gerard . .please. .baby .. don't" Ray whispered through the door, I could tell he was crying.

My eyes fell upon a bottle of Naproxen (AN: it's a strong pain reliever), they we're old as hell. I couldn't care less

I poured the bottle out and decided to take three. I heard Ray crying heavily, I didn't know why he just wouldn't walk in. He must think I locked it. I felt my eyes getting heavy and my chest getting tight.

OOh shit, I don't want to die now. . I thought to myself.

I felt myself fall onto the floor, and I passed out.

::Chapter Four::

**Rays POV**

I pushed the door open to find Gerard on the floor, breathing hoarsely in his sleep, his chest was tight, I could tell.

"Shit! Shit! Bob!" I yelled loud. "Call an ambulance, Gerard is barely breathing!"

I lifted him up, I saw blood on the floor and streaming down his wrist.

"Shit! Get some paper towels too!" I yelled.

I laid him out on the couch and watched him breath. Bob was making the call. I went back in the bedrooms to get some of Gerard's stuff and I couldn't believe my eyes.

"Oh my god! What the fuck is yall's problem! Mikey! Your brother! He's barely breathing and you're in here having sex for the 100th time!!!" I screamed at him.

Mikey's eyes went wide, and he began to jolt up.

"No, Mikey. You're too selfish to care. I know. Stay here and fuck Frankie while we bring Gerard to the hospital." I whispered, leaving.

Fuck getting any of Gerard's stuff. Mikey and Frank pissed me off too much.

I walked back out to the paramedics heaving Gerard into the stretcher.

I followed along with Bob.

Once at the hospital, my cell phone rang and it was Mikey.

"What?" I asked.

"Is he ok?" He sobbed into the mouthpiece.

"I don't know." I said, tears falling down my face and I felt Bob hug me.

"Oh God. This is all my fault.." he whispered.

"Yeah. It is. You could have cared less for Gerard and how much he fuckin loves you huh?" I said, beginning to sob.

"He loves me?" Mikey asked.

"Yes! You couldn't tell! He cries himself to sleep every night and I go up there and comfort him. He loves you so much.. And you can't tell that." I said quietly, making sure none of the receptionist could hear.

"I do love him! I love him so much! I just, didn't know, he loved me the same way!" Mikey said softly, making sure Frankie couldn't hear.

"Than why are you with Frankie?" I hissed

. "He wants me for the sex. I've known that. That's all he ever wants, and he never says he loves me. When I say it he just starts another round of sex or something." Mikey replied.

"Yeah, well, I can't believe you stuck with him." I said.

"I didn't want to hurt him." Mikey replied.

"Come to the hospital." I told him.

"Ok, be there in a few." He said.

I hung up.

"Mikey and Frank and coming." I said to Bob.

"Ok. The nurse said Gerard was on IV and respiratory monitors. He can have visitors. One at a time. He's sleeping though." Bob informed.

I nodded and walked to Gerard's room. I sat in the chair next to him and kissed him softly on the lips. I buried my head in the crook of his neck. I began to cry softly.

I didn't know if he was going to make it. IV and respiratory didn't mean anything.

I heard a knock at the door. It was Mikey.

"I will love you forever Gerard." I whispered and kissed him once more and left Mikey to him.

::Chapter Five::

**Mikey's POV**

"Ooh God, Gerard!" I whispered, holding his face in my hands. I began to kiss his lips, they were still soft. I began to cry softly. I wanted to be with him. I had loved him for about a year or two. I just didn't have enough courage to tell him.

I kissed him some more. I saw his eyes flutter.

**Gerard's POV**

I felt lips kissing mine. I thought they were Rays. But they weren't. They were Mikey's.

"Mikey?" I whispered.

"I'm here baby . .I'm here." He said, holding me tightly and kissing me. I felt my body tingle and I wanted to pull him on top of me and touch him all over.

"Why are you kissing me?" I asked confused.

"Gerard, I fucking love you. Frankie doesn't mean a thing to me. You do, and I want to be with you Gerard." He confessed.

"This, this is just a dream. And when I wake up, this would have all been fake. You would still be laying Frankie and. . I-I don't know. I'm out of it." Gerard said to himself.

"No, baby. I'm here, for real. I love you." He whispered.

I touched his face, the tears we're real, and it was real. I kissed the tears on his cheek away softly, I couldn't stand to see my baby brother cry.

"Oh God. .Mikey." I said, pulling him down for a real kiss.

I felt that tingle again and I hope he was feeling it too. I felt his tongue slip into my mouth and it was better then what I had dreamt.

He kissed me deep and passionate. His hands tan up my chest and through my hair.

"Gerard. .I want you." He breathed, kissing me some more.

"I promise, when I'm out. ." I told him, between kisses.

He kept kissing me until we could barely breath.

I couldn't wait until I was out of the hospital.

~finished for now, new one out soon . .promise~
~InK~