Disclaimer: I do not own or even know MCR. This never happened.

Chapter 1: My Brutal Romance

(Gerard's point of view)

I can't have a crush on him. It's so wrong. It's so fucking wrong. So why does it feel so damn right? When he touches me, it's all innocent, of course, he'll let me fall asleep on his shoulder on the long nights on the tour-bus when I can't sleep, he'll push the hair out of my eyes when he wakes me, little things like that, and I love him for it. For everything. He doesn't know, of course, doesn't know that I get myself off thinking about what it would be like to touch him, to kiss him. Nobody knows. It's so fucking wrong. And if anyone found out, he would end up getting hurt, not just emotionally, but physically too, and I'd rather die than have anyone hurt my baby brother.

So that's why I have to end it. Not just the obsession. Everything.

I scored some pills from a guy in the market. Told him I was having a party. Guess I forgot to invite the rest of the guests, cos I'm here alone, drinking vodka and listening to old records. I've taken ecstasy before, sure I have, we all have. There was a party, we were drunk, we all took a pill or two. I spent that night in the arms of a random boy, kissing him, touching him, letting him touch me, kiss me, letting him lay me down on the grass outside, feeling myself float away under the stars, it was such a clear night and the stars were so beautiful. But he wasn't you, and he hurt me. He pushed into me, invaded me, and fucked me, hard. I don't even remember if I said no. I just remember watching the stars. When it was over, I pulled my clothes on, and lay in the soft grass, damp with morning dew. He left, but I don't really remember that. You found me lying there, and carried me indoors. You held me until I stopped hurting, bleeding, tripping, and until I stopped crying, and then you just held me until I was ready for you to let me go.

So tonight it ends.

I thought I'd be calm, but I'm not. I'm nervous, scared, jumpy. I know you might be there when they find me, and I hate to think of you seeing my body, but it's for the best, in the end. I'd just fuck things up for you. I put a Ramones record on, and take another swig from the vodka bottle. I sit on my bed, and count the pills into my palm. There are twelve. That should be enough, shouldn't it? I take a couple, and then a couple more. I take a deep breath. There's no going back. I swallow the rest, and finish the vodka. I'm drunk, and within a few minutes, I think I'm beginning to trip. I haven't done pills since that night. And then I'm lying there, on the grass, below the stars. Except, of course, I'm lying on my bed. The stars are so beautiful. I wish you were here to hold me through this. Suddenly I feel hands on my belt buckle, hear a voice whispering in my ear "this'll be so good" it breathes, and it's him, the boy from that party, and I feel like I'm suffocating. "No!" I yell, throwing myself off the bed "no, please" I cry out, tears streaming down my face. I know I'm tripping, and there's nothing I can do about it, but I don't want to remember, I just want it all to go away.

Oh god, Mikey, I wish you were here to look after me.

I crawl towards the bathroom, sobbing. I manage to pull myself up, and I'm rummaging through the medicine cabinet, throwing things to the floor. There has to be something here that will make it stop. My hand closes over a bottle of sleeping pills. I got them prescribed for the last tour. I couldn't sleep with you so close to me - just above me in fact - so I knocked myself out with sleeping pills. There are some left, some, but not enough. I take them anyway, cupping my hands under the cold water tap to get something to swallow them with. And that's when I notice it. There's a shaving razor, sitting innocently next to the sink. Razor blades. There have to be some in here. I throw more things to the floor in my frantic search. When I find a packet of them, I clutch them to my chest with one hand, using the other to steady myself against the wall, as I make my way back to my bedroom.

When I get there, the hallucinations start again, and I'm back on that dew-damp grass. I think I've fallen to the floor, as I don't remember sitting down, but here I am. Frantically, I tear the wrapper from a blade, and bring it down to the skin of my wrist.

Oh Mikey, I'm so sorry, I hope you don't find me.

I cut once, twice, slicing the blade as deep as I can. I cry out in pain, but it is somehow exquisite, beautiful. I take the blade to the other wrist, and try to match my cuts, but my eyes are feeling heavy, and I just want to lie down. I make a few cuts and the blade falls from my fingers. I lie back, and smile up at the stars.

*****

"Oh god, what the fuck have you done, Gee?" I feel my eyes flutter open and can just make out Mikey's face hovering above me, ghostly pale and scared. I think there are tears in his eyes, but I can't tell. The darkness is calling me back, and I want to go.

When I wake up I can hear someone screaming. It takes a while for me to realize that it's me. I'm struggling against people holding me down. Begging them to let me go. Crying out for Mikey. Then I feel a sharp pain in my arm, and it all goes black again.

"Is he going to make it?" The first voice I hear when I come to again is unmistakably Mikey's. It's laced with worry, concern, love, fear and hope.

"He has a strong chance, ingested a lot of drugs, psychological problems, keep him in hospital for a while, restraints, I don't recognize the next voice, and I don't make out everything that it says. Hospital? That means that I fucked it up. Restraints? I try to lift my arms, and find that I can't. I try to open my eyes, but they feel heavy with sleep, and drugs. Though I don't think I'm on illegal drugs anymore. I force them open anyway, and immediately wish I hadn't. Fuck, it's bright.

"Gerard, Gee, can you hear me?" a hand brushes my hair from my eyes, and I lean into it, letting him know that I can. "Oh Gee" he breathes, kissing my lips softly, "I love you". If only it were true, but it isn't. Not the way I want it to be anyway.

I want to say something, but I don't know what, and I'm just so damn tired. I tried to lift a hand, silently begging him to hold it, but my wrist is jerked back against the restraint. Fuck, that hurt. Oh yeah, slashed my wrists, that'll get you restraints, I almost laugh, or I would if I had the energy. He seems to understand what I want anyway, and takes my hand in his. He entwines his fingers with mine, and talks gently. "It's gonna be ok, Gee, you're going to be ok, you're umm sedated quite heavily, and," his voice breaks, and he leans over me, snuggling into the crook of my neck. I want nothing more than to wrap my arms around him, but, of course, I can't. I fall asleep to the sound of his soft crying.

I love him so much. It hurts that he is hurting. And it hurts so much that it's because of me.

I sleep a restless, drug induced sleep, waking up now and then to find him curled up by my side, and I'm hoping he'll be there when I wake up properly.

And I want to wake up. The feeling of him there next to me makes my body tingle, and my heart flutter. Maybe he won't feel the same as I do, maybe he will. Maybe he'll think I'm a sick fuck, and he'll disown me as his brother. I hope not. I don't expect anything from him, I don't expect him to love me back, but I hope he can still accept me, still love me in some way. And that's all I can do for now - hope.

I'm going to tell him how I feel when I wake up.

Chapter 2: My Beautiful Romance

(Gerard's point of view)

Ok, so I lost my nerve. Wouldn't you if you had to tell your baby brother that you were in love with him? I woke up, and there he was, snuggled up next to me, looking beautiful and innocent in his sleep, and it broke my heart. I know he could never love me. Not the way I love him. So I've kept quiet.

I'm being asked questions but my mind keeps wandering to Mikey. He protested when they kicked him out to do this evaluation thing. He said he wanted to stay with me. He's spent most of the last few days camped in here with me. He went home last night, for a shower and a sleep in a proper bed, but he was back first thing this morning. He looked like he'd been crying. He looked tired and paler than usual this morning. I hope he's taking his meds properly. (Author's note: he's asthmatic; some asthmatics have to take daily medication)

I notice that we're sitting in silence. Shit, someone must've asked me a question. Confession time - "sorry, I wasn't listening" I mumble to no-one in particular.

"Mr. Way, do you think you're ready to go home?"

"Yeah, Mikey'll look after me" I mumble my words again, not looking at anyone, in case they see the fear in my eyes. I don't want to go home. I can't face seeing my room again. Will there be bloodstains? Will the hallucinations come back? I know they were drug-induced, but they've been returning in my nightmares while I've been in hospital. Fuck, I'm so scared. I don't know what to do. Why the fuck couldn't they let Mikey stay?

"Mr. Way. Ahem"

I look up and catch the doctor looking disapprovingly at me. "Sorry" I say, lowering my head again, and playing with the bandages on my wrists. "Don't do that, Mr. Way". His disapproving tone is beginning to annoy me. I look up and glare at him.

"It's Gerard. And I'm fucking fine. I want to go home."

"I really don't think you're ready. You're having serious lapses in concentration". Yeah, well so is he. He's paying more fucking attention to the female nurses than to me.

"That's because I don't want to fucking concentrate on this, on you, on anything here. I'm leaving." I didn't mean to add that last part, it just slipped out, and now I have to do it.

"I would strongly advise you not to discharge yourself" he drones on.

"Too fucking bad" I glare at him. He eventually admits defeat, and leaves me alone.

I feel somewhat triumphant, until I try to get up. I know Mikey has brought me some clean clothes and things, and they're in a bag, sitting on the chair across the room. But it's beyond my strength to even get out of bed, and I collapse back against the pillows in tears.

Chapter 3: My Miserable Romance

(Mikey's point of view)

He's having a 'psychiatric assessment' at the moment. They sent me out of the room. I'm pacing the corridor waiting for the doctor to reappear. He doesn't need a fucking psychiatric assessment, he needs his little brother. He needs me. I don't know what's wrong, he hasn't told me, but there's obviously something wrong. And he won't fucking tell me what it is.

I take a deep breath, trying to calm down, but it catches in my throat, and I cough painfully. Fuck. I try again. Same result. I check my pockets, but I've left my inhaler in Gee's room. I walk to his door, trying to breathe evenly. The doctor comes out and brushes past me roughly, not even turning to apologize or acknowledge me. Or notice that I'm having a fucking asthma attack. I push open the door gently, and Gerard is in tears. And for the first time ever, I don't go to him. I have to find my fucking inhaler. I dig though the bag that I left in his room, but it isn't there. Fuck. I'm panicking and throwing things out of my bag, my breathing is fucked, and I'm starting to feel dizzy. Suddenly I feel strong arms lifting me, helping me sit down on the edge of Gerard's bed, pressing an inhaler to my lips. It isn't until my breathing returns to normal that I realize I'm shaking and crying. Gerard has his arms wrapped around me, and is rubbing my back, soothingly.

I cuddle into his embrace and cry softly into his neck. Attacks have always scared me, and since I was a little kid, Gerard has been there to hold me afterwards. But today it's different. There's something different about him, about us. I pull back from the embrace and smile at him. "Thanks, Gee" I whisper. He lies back against the pillows, pulling me down with him, and we lie together in a comfortable silence. His eyelids flutter closed, and I realize he's exhausted. Adrenaline can do funny things to people when someone they love is in danger. The thought that he cares that much brings a smile to my lips. We've always been close, but now I feel like there's something else between us. A spark that I can't place.

We must've fallen asleep, cos it's dark when I wake up and the room is flooded with artificial light. I'm curled up on Gerard's bed, with his arms around me. I don't think I can move without waking him, so I stay where I am. He looks so serene is his sleep. His dark eyelashes flutter against his pale skin and he moans softly. I can tell he's waking up, and I brush the hair gently out of his face with my fingers. He opens his eyes, and smiles softly at me, wrapping his arms tightly around me in a warm embrace. A moment of pain flashes in his eyes. Oh fuck, that must've hurt him, but he doesn't let go. I push him off, gently, and kiss his wrists, over the bandages, silently begging him not to hurt himself like that again. "I can't promise" he says, lowering his eyes. His voice is rough. I cup his face gently, and force him to look at me. "Hey, I love you, I don't wanna lose you" I say, tears threatening to spill over again.

He looks away, and won't look at me again. What the fuck did I say? Is it too much for him to believe that someone loves him? He's always thought he's not been good enough, for girls (and then later for boys), for our parents, for the band, but he's always been good enough for me.

Maybe I do love him more than I should as a brother, but I can't help it. We've always been so close. I remember that night... the party, when he got raped... he cried in my arms afterwards, and all I wanted to do was hold him close, kiss him, take away his pain. Is that so wrong?

He interrupts my war of emotions by tugging gently on the hem of my t-shirt. "Let's go home" he begs.

I agree, and help him out of bed. He tugs on a pair of jeans and a t-shirt that I packed for him, looking grateful that I packed a long-sleeved top. He sits on the edge of the bed while I find a nurse, and get the relevant forms, and then we're allowed to leave.

I haven't told anyone what happened; I don't think Gerard would've wanted our parents here, fussing over him anyway. We get in a taxi, Gee resting his head on my shoulder all the way home. I pay him, and he grumbles something about "fucking queers", before he revs the engine and speeds off, leaving me staring after him.

"Come on Mikey" Gerard says, tugging on my hand. I slip an arm around his waist, supporting him and we go inside.

Chapter 4: My Innocent Romance

(Gerard's point of view)

The house is strangely quiet, no video games, no music, no-one practicing songs, nobody fucking, nobody breaking anything, it's strange, but in a way I'm grateful to have the house to ourselves.

"Where is everyone?" I ask, cautiously. We have a communal band house, and it's very rare for it to be this quiet.

"I told them to fuck off. I said you were ill and we wanted some peace for the night," Mikey answers, directing me towards the stairs. I think he's going to take me to my room, but we walk past it. The door is closed, I notice, gratefully. Mikey directs me into his room, and we sit together on his bed.

"Kinda figured you wouldn't want to stay in there tonight" he says "you can have my room, for now, ok? Is there anything you need from yours?"

I think for a moment, and what I really want is a long hot bath, but I'm not really sure that I can manage without getting my bandages wet, or that I even have the energy to do so.

"Do you think you could help me have a bath, would you mind?" I ask.

Of course, he agrees to help me, and tells me to wait here while he runs the bath for me. I lean back against his pillows while I wait for him, and study the walls of his room. They're covered in band posters. There are several of Ville Valo, I notice approvingly. For a straight boy, my baby brother does have good taste in men. I smile sadly, knowing that in my wildest dreams even if he was gay, he would never fall for me.

"He's cute isn't he, daydreamer?" Mikey's voice snaps me out of my thoughts. He's standing in the doorway, cheeky smile on his face, fresh towels and some of my clothes in his arms. He throws the clothes onto the bed, and helps me up, and towards the bathroom.

Did he just say he thought a guy was cute? Fuck. I want to say something, but my mouth has gone dry, and I can't, I just can't get any words out.

I perch on the side of the bathtub, which is filled with steaming water and bubbles, and pull off my top, throwing it onto the floor. Mikey is busy looking for shower-gel or something, and I slip off my trousers while his back is turned, and lower myself into the bath.

I sink into the soothing bubbles, resting my wrists in the sides of the bath so I don't get the bandages wet.

Mikey kneels by the side of the bath, and pours some body wash into his hands. He gently washes my back, and arms, taking care not to hurt me.

"I'm not completely helpless" I mumble, although I can't deny that I'm enjoying the attention, I just don't want him to know just how much I'm enjoying it.

"Shh, it's ok, just let me do this" he says.

Bubble bath and strawberry body wash. If I didn't know better, I'd say my baby brother wasn't quite as straight as he made out to be. A smile plays on my lips, but I catch myself, and bite my lip. He catches my movements, and gently cups my face with his hands. "Hey, it's ok to smile" he says, looking into my eyes. I feel like he's looking into my soul, like he knows everything. The moment is too intense. I can't stand it. I splash him with water and bubbles, and he laughs, and kisses me gently on the cheek.

I shiver involuntarily under his touch, and feel tears come to my eyes. I blink them back and try to slow my breathing.

Confession time: "Mikey, I," I take a deep shaky breath, and close my eyes "this probably isn't the most appropriate time to tell you, but then what time is? It's never appropriate, it's fucked up and it's crazy, and you'll probably hate me, but I can't go on hiding it, and I have to tell you, but I'm so scared. I love you and I don't want to lose you. I don't know what I'd do without you. You weren't supposed to find me. I wanted it to be anybody but you. I couldn't stand the thought of you seeing me like that, I'm so sorry, I never meant you to get hurt."

I open my eyes, and look directly into Mikey's.

"I love you, Mikey. I'm in love with you."

Mikey smiles softly at me, and brings his hand to my face. For a moment, I think he's going to hit me, but he just strokes my face soothingly.

"Are you mad at me?" I ask, cautiously. "I'm sorry, I know it's wrong but I can't help feeling like this. I'll go away if you want me to, leave the band,"

Mikey puts a finger to my lips, quieting me. The he leans closer, and replaces his finger with his lips in a gentle whisper of a kiss. It's beautiful.

He pulls back, and blushes slightly. My heart is racing, and I'm shaking.

"You kissed me" I say stupidly, staring up at him, "why?"

"Only thing I could think of to shut you up" he grins back at me. He caresses my face, gently wiping away the tears. I hadn't even known I'd been crying. I close my eyes and try to breathe calmly.

He kissed me. Mikey, my baby brother, kissed me. And it felt so damn good. I flutter my eyes open and look at him in confusion. Although he's being his usual cheeky self the look in his eyes tell me the kiss wasn't a joke. It was real.

Mikey helps me out of the bath, and wraps a towel around my waist. I'm soaking wet and half naked, but I don't care. I pull Mikey into a hug, wrapping my arms around him. He holds me close for a moment, before gently pushing me off, and towards his bedroom.

I dry off, and change into black the pajama bottoms and snug-fitting black t-shirt that Mikey has picked out for me.

He pulls his damp t-shirt over his head, and I admire his slim body for a moment, before looking away guiltily. He catches me anyway. "It's ok, you can look" he says, his tone shy and almost coy.

He changes into pajama bottoms, and a loose t-shirt, and sits next to me on his bed. He brushes the hair back from my eyes, and sighs softly.

"How long have you felt like this, Gee?" he asks me.

"Since last tour, maybe before, remember that night, the party? I was so scared, and you rescued me, you took all the pain away, and I just kinda fell for you. I know it's wrong, I'm sorry", I say, feeling guilty again.

"Did it feel wrong when we kissed?" he asks me.

"No, it was beautiful, perfect" I tell him.

"I thought so too" he says, playing with my hair, stroking the back of my neck. Does he have any fucking idea how much that turns me on?

And then it clicks. He does. He knows it turns me on, and he's doing it anyway.

I look at him questioningly. The bond between us is strong enough that he answers my question without me having to ask it aloud.

"I've never thought about this before tonight, about us, well, maybe a little bit, that night, and then when you were in hospital," he trails off, blushing, and looking so damn adorable.

"Have you been with a guy before?" I ask curiously.

He giggles a little "Yeah... well, not properly, but I've messed about a bit, umm, remember that fan-boy, the one who looked like you?"

He's blushing properly now, and I can't help teasing him a little. He is my brother, after all.

I notice him shiver, and pull the covers over us, and we snuggle close together. I kiss him gently on the lips, hesitating a little at first, but he moans into the kiss, and suddenly we're kissing passionately, and it is so fucking beautiful.

We alternate kissing and talking (though it's mostly kissing), until we begin to drift off to sleep.

"Gee, what are we going to tell the guys?" he asks me.

The question has been bothering me too, and I just don't know how they are going to react. "I don't know, baby" I whisper.

"Baby, I like that" he says sleepily "we'll figure it out Gee, it'll be ok".

We fall asleep in each others arms. I don't think either of us had nightmares that night.

Chapter 5: My X Rated Romance

(Mikey's point of view)

I'm woken up by someone placing small kisses down my neck. "Mmm, wake me up like that every morning, Gee" I murmur, wrapping my arms around him.

"You don't, regret anything?" he asks me timidly.

I smile at him "Nothing, we'll look after each other now, ok?"

He nods, and curls up close to me. "When are the others coming back?" he asks.

"This afternoon, sometime" I reply.

"So we have the house all to ourselves?" Gerard resumes trailing kisses down my neck.

"So, what can we do, all by ourselves?" he whispers softly in-between kisses. He tugs shyly at my t-shirt, and I pull it over my head and throw it on the floor. He matches my movements.

Gerard straddles me, alternately kissing and at biting my neck. I moan softly when he bites hard enough to break the skin. "Sorry, was that too much, did I hurt you?" he asks.

"No, Gee" I pant, flustered "do that again".

He bites me, hard enough to draw blood, which begins to trail down my chest. He laps it up, like a kitten, and purrs contentedly.

My breathing is ragged, and I have to concentrate on breathing properly but I don't fucking care. This feels so damn good. Gee lays a trail of soft gentle kisses down the bite marks. They're going to leave bruises. Do I care? Hell no.

"Gee, kiss me, please" I whimper. He brings his lips to mine in a bruising, passionate kiss that goes on until we have to separate to breathe. The nervousness and insecurity of last night has gone, replaced by sheer lust and passion.

We kiss deeply, Gerard still straddling me on the bed. Oh fuck, is it wrong to be so turned on by my brother. Yes, of course it is. Do I care? Not if he kisses me like that again.

I pull him down for another kiss, and turn us over, so that I'm lying on top of him.

"Gee, have you been with anyone since, you know,?" I ask him.

He shakes his head "No. I sort of tried to once, I was drunk and I went back to this guy's house one night, but I couldn't, I just panicked when he started touching me, and started crying, he got angry with me and kicked me out,"

"Oh baby, I'm not going to let anyone hurt you ever again" I promise him.

"Can I touch you?" I ask, pushing his hair out of his eyes, so that I can see them properly.

He bites his bottom lip "I want you to, I'm kind of scared though" he admits.

I kiss his lips gently in reassurance, "It's ok to be scared" I tell him, "just tell me to stop if you want me to, ok?"

I kiss a trail from his lips to his chest, and down until I reach the waist band of his pajama bottoms. I trail kisses along his skin, before gently sliding them down his body. He kicks them off, and bites his lip, nervously. "You're beautiful" I breathe, and kiss him on the lips.

I lick my way down his neck, trailing kisses and gentle touches all over his body.

I push his legs apart, and place a kiss on the inside of his thigh. I look up at him to check he's ok. He's breathing heavily, eyes fluttering open and closed, and he whimpers my name softly, so I continue. I've only done this a few times, but I know what I'm doing, and I take him into my mouth, sucking and licking gently, and then harder. Gerard whimpers, and he's gripping the sheets with his hands. His eyes are closed. "Don't stop" he begs. I smile to myself, and keep going, using every trick I've learned on him. He gently tries to push me away, warning me that he's close, but I don't care. He comes in my mouth, tasting salty and sweet all at once. I lick up what I haven't managed to swallow, and kiss him, so that he can taste himself.

He kisses me back, and burrows his face in my shoulder. He's shaking and crying softly, and I hold him close to me, whispering soothing words in his ear.

"I'm sorry" he says, lifting his head and placing a chaste kiss on my lips "that was amazing, just kinda intense," He takes a deep breath "do you want me to,?" he trails off, blushing.

"No, it's ok" I reassure him, knowing that any more would be too much for him in his fragile state. I desperately want to get off though. "Maybe I could just watch you," he says.

I lay back against the pillows, and start stroking myself gently, feeling his eyes on me. I pull him down for a kiss, as I quicken my strokes, not bothering with finesse or technique, just wanting to come. I close my eyes and bite my lip, and I'm nearly there, and I'm surprised when Gerard's hand joins mine. "Let me finish" he says, pushing my hand out of the way, and beginning to stroke me gently. He's going slowly, and I'm not sure if it's because he's unsure of himself or because he's a tease. "You can go faster" I tell him, but he just lets out a small laugh, and maintains his slow strokes. That settles it - he's such a fucking tease. "Gee, please" I beg him, and I'm even more surprised when I feel his hot tongue laying trails along my thighs. He engulfs me with his mouth, sucking me gently to climax. He spits clumsily, and then apologizes. "It's ok babe, that was incredible, but you didn't have to" I tell him, wrapping him in my arms, and pulling the covers over us.

"Wanted to" he replies, sleepily, snuggling into my arms. We kiss lazily for a while, before he falls to sleep, nestled in my arms. I check the clock. It's almost 2 pm, the guys shouldn't be back for a few hours. I kiss Gerard gently on the lips, and he smiles in his sleep. This was definitely meant to be, I think to myself as I drift off into a relaxed sleep.

Chapter 6

(Gerard's point of view)

I wake up wrapped in a warm embrace, Mikey's arms wrapped protectively around me. I snuggle closer to him, breathing in his comforting scent. He stirs in his sleep, and mumbles incomprehensibly. I study him as he wakes up, blinking his eyes and pulling the covers around us. He kisses me gently, and I feel like I'm tumbling, falling, but for once, I'm caught. I don't slip into the dark void that has so often embraced me. I'm safe and loved, and I am in love.

Being snuggled up in bed with my baby brother, just being wrapped in his embrace, feels so indescribably perfect, but it's late afternoon and the guys will be back soon. Reluctantly, I slip out of bed, and pull on a pair of black jeans, and a long-sleeved black top. Mikey watches me from his cocoon of bedcovers, and he looks innocent and childlike, but there's a glint in his eye. Some unspoken connection between us draws me to the bed, and I lean down and kiss him deeply.

"Love you, Gee" he breathes as our lips part. I tug a stray strand of his hair gently "Love you too" I whisper.

I turn away, smiling, and choose some clothes for Mikey to wear, tossing them on the bed for him. This is an old tradition from when we shared a room as kids - I would be first up for school, usually because I hadn't slept at all during the night, or because I'd gone out and got drunk and sneaked back in the window in the early hours of the morning. Mikey always left the window open for me.

We have breakfast together in the kitchen, and don't bother to wash the dishes, moving to the living room instead. Mikey flips through the TV channels, eventually settling on cartoons. I slip out of the room for a moment and go to my old bedroom. There's something I want from there.

I pause at the door, which is closed, wondering what it will be like inside, what it will feel like being in there again. I push the door open gently, and hesitate before going in. Mikey has obviously cleaned up - it looks like nothing ever happened in here, but I have a sick feeling in my stomach, so I get what I want as quickly as I can, and leave. It feels good to close the door behind me.

I return to the living room, and sit cross-legged on the floor, my back against a wall. I balance a fresh canvas on my knees, and open the box of oil paints my brother bought me. I haven't used them yet, they're expensive - far better than the ones I usually buy myself, but I have something special to paint.

Mikey looks over at me, smiling, but says nothing and lets me paint. He tries to steal a glance of the canvas, but I catch him, and point the top of my tongue out at him and I tilt it so that he can't see it.

I'm putting the finishing touches to the painting as the front door opens and the guys trail in.

Ray and Bob grab a couple of beers from the fridge, and sink into the worn armchairs. Frank sits down next to Mikey, giving him a quick hug. "You guys ok?" he asks him.

Mikey and I exchange a glance. We had planned not to tell the guys, at least not just yet, but now it just doesn't seem right to lie.

"I guess I should explain" I say "I wasn't exactly 'sick', umm," I bite my lip and look at the guys. Ray and Bob look quite drunk, which might be a good thing, but I'm not sure. Frank's expression is unreadable.

"I did something fucking stupid, I was lonely and scared and messed up" I pause to breathe and realize that I'm crying. Mikey gets up and comes to sit next to me on the floor. He takes my hand in his, and smiles at me. "It's ok, babe" he reassures, "Do you want me to tell them?"

I nod meekly, and listen as he tells them that I hurt myself, that I tried to kill myself, and that he found me, and took me to hospital. He tells them that we've both come out stronger - because we've found one another, and we're going to look after each other from now on.

I look at the others, trying to gauge their reactions. Ray looks confused. Bob is suppressing a laugh. Frank's expression is still blank.

"I think they mean they're together now" Bob smiles "you guys have my total support, and it's about fucking time you two got it on!" he grins and takes a swig of his beer.

A look of understanding washes over Ray's face, and his eyes light up "Well, ok, you two always were close, that's cool."

I smile in gratitude at them, and kiss Mikey gently on the lips.

"You two are fucking sick" Frank spits, his voice cold, bitter and full of hatred. He walks out of the room, and we hear his door slamming.

"Fuck" I whisper, miserably.

"Well, I thought it was kinda hot!" Bob grins "Don't worry guys, he'll come around."

"Hope so" I mumble "thanks for understanding".

We spend the rest of the evening watching films and eating pizza. Frank stays in his room. Bob and Ray eventually go to their separate beds, and Mikey and I to his. We curl up together and he falls asleep in my arms, but sleep does not come easily to me, and in the early hours of the morning I can hear someone moving around downstairs. Something tells me that it's Frank, and I slip out of bed, and pull on some clothes.

I move quietly so as not to wake my sleeping brother and slip out of the room, and down the stairs. The light is on in the living room, and I can hear the television. Frank is sitting on the floor, the painting of Mikey I did earlier in front of him.

"Frank" I whisper.

He looks at me like a deer caught in the headlights, his eyes huge, and I notice, glistening with unshed tears.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean what I said, it's just, he's so, I don't know, innocent," Frank trails off.

"Frank, he's old enough to know when he's in love" I say gently.

"I know" he looks at me and smiles ruefully "that's what upset me."

"Huh?" I respond.

"Gerard" he grins "how you write lyrics so eloquently remains a mystery." He looks at the canvas "that's a beautiful picture" he says sadly.

Then it dawns on me. Frank likes Mikey.

"Oh Frank, I'm sorry, I never even realized," I trail off, as he stands up.

"Can we keep it a secret?" he blushes "I'm not ashamed, just kinda confused, but it's kinda good to tell someone."

I nod, and tell him to talk to me tomorrow. It seems like we have a lot to catch up on.

We embrace in a warm hug and retreat to our rooms.

Mikey is awake when I slide under the covers next to him, and he pulls me close to him, brushing the hair from my eyes. "Is everything ok?" he asks. "Yeah, Frank apologized" I tell him.

I kiss my baby brother gently on the lips and he returns my kiss.

Maybe another night we'll make love, but for now we're content to kiss and curl up in each others arms until sleep finds us.

~fin~