Disclaimer: Don't know, don't own, don't sue!

***

It all started out on a rainy Sunday. Ray, Frankie, and Mikey thought it was the perfect time to show off their new rain coats. They went for a walk. Meanwhile, Gerard and Bob were back at the house watching football.

"We're back!" Frankie called, sopping wet.

"How was it?" Gerard asked.

"Wet." Ray responded.

"Yeah, you should have been there, guys! This duck was following us the whole time." Mikey said. "He was actually pretty cute!" Gerard and Bob just laughed.

"Hey, where's Frankie?" Bob asked. The door to Frankie's room was closed.

"What's he doing in there?" Gerard asked. He knocked on the door.

"Uh... just a minute!" Frankie called from his room.

"What are you doing?" Gerard asked. Frankie didn't answer. A few seconds later he swung open the door.

"I'm hungry. Did you go to the store while I was gone?" Frankie said.

"What were you doing in there?" Gerard asked again.

"Nothing! I swear." Frankie said. From that day on, Gerard, Mikey, Ray and Bob were all very suspicious of Frankie.

A few days had passed, and Frankie still wasn't acting normal. Gerard, Mikey, Ray, and Bob decided to investigate while Frankie was out buying groceries.

"All right guys, he's gone. Let's go into his room. Remember, search the whole room. Even if you find the smallest clue, share it with everyone else. Okay? Let's go!" Gerard led the troops as they walked into Frankie's room. After about ten minutes of looking around, they heard the front door open. Everyone assumed it was Frankie and ran out of the room. But no, it was their neighbour, Donald.

"Hey guys! Can I borrow a few eggs? It's my wife's birthday, and I'm making her a cake." he said.

"You know, it's not polite to just barge into someone's house and ask for eggs, Donald..." Mikey stated. Gerard handed Donald two eggs and pushed him out the door.

"Okay, guys! Let's keep looking!" he said. But before they could go back into the room, Frankie walked through the door.

"Hey, Frankie!" Bob said with a suspicious smile on his face.

"Hi." Frankie said, putting the bags on the counter. That is, all but one small bag.

"How was shopping?" Bob asked.

"Good." Frankie said. The dialogue soon ended when Frankie brought the small bag into his room. He closed the door. Ray, Bob, Gerard, and Mikey all stood around Frankie's door, waiting for him to come out. About three minutes later, Frankie came out, startled by seeing everyone looking at him. He cowered onto the couch. "What?" he asked. They continued to stare. "What do you want?" he asked again.

"What was in the bag?" Bob asked, sternly.

"Uh... soap." Frankie said nervously.

"Then why were you in your room for so long with it?" Gerard asked.

"I was, uh, washing my uh... dresser..." Frankie responded. There was silence. Finally, the rest of the band stopped staring. They realized they had much better things to do.

A few days later, after dinner, Mikey talked to Gerard privately. "Oh man, I've gotta find out what Frankie's been up to!" Mikey said.

"I know, Mikey, we all want to know. But what else can we do? I mean, hey, maybe we were wrong. Maybe he isn't up to anything!" Gerard said.

"I doubt that, Gerard. Frankie is always up to something." Mikey said.

"Yeah, I guess you're right. But like I said, there is nothing else we can do but wait." And they did. They waited until one morning at 5:00 AM. Everyone in the house woke up from a strange noise... coming from Frankie's room. Everyone ran into the room.

"Oh my gosh! What was that?!" Bob asked, frantically. Everyone else wanted to know what the noise was, too.

"Uh, that was my alarm clock. Sorry guys. We can all go back to bed now." Frankie said.

"No, no, Frankie, you set your alarm clock for 5:00 in the morning, and that's when you're going to wake up." Ray said, snickering. Frankie moaned from under the covers, and everyone else left the room.

"Something's not right." Gerard said. "Since when does Frankie set an alarm clock?"

"Since when does he own an alarm clock?" Mikey added. They shrugged and went back to bed.

That afternoon, Ray and Frankie went out to see a movie. While they were gone, Gerard took another look around Frankie's room. He came out smiling. "Ah ha, just as I suspected." Gerard said.

"What?" Mikey asked.

"No alarm clock." Gerard said.

"I knew it." Bob said.

"Now we know something is really going on." Gerard exclaimed.

That evening while Frankie was in the kitchen, Gerard went into Frankie's room to close the windows.

"FRANKIE!!!" he screamed. Everyone, including Frankie, came running into the room.

"That's a DUCK!" Bob shouted.

"Nice deduction, Bob." Ray said.

"Everyone, meet Norton." Frankie said softly.

"Hey, that looks kind of like the duck that was following us home that one day..." Mikey pointed out. Everyone stared at Frankie. He blushed and turned away.

"Frankie, I know you've got a thing for animals, but naming a duck and bringing it home?" Gerard said.

"I'm sorry I hid him from you." Frankie said.

"It's okay... now about Norton..." Ray started. Frankie looked hopeful.

"You know what we have to do." Gerard said softly. Frankie was despondent.

The next morning, Frankie and Norton, followed by the rest of the band, went down to the pond.

"Goodbye, Norton!" Frankie said with tears in his eyes as he put Norton down. "You know, I've always dreamed to raise a duck..."

"You're doing the right thing, Frankie. We'll commemorate Norton when we get home. I'm sure Norton will be much happier here." Bob told Frankie as they walked back home.

"Yeah, you're right. But I'm still gonna miss him." Frankie said.

"I think we all will..." Gerard said, laughing.

THE END may is earmarked for a month, also without accouterments, in bordeaux france where i've landed a sweet-ass apartment for free through the city's arts council. i imagine myself eating croissants and finishing a book every other day and occasionally practicing a chopin prelude while my friend jean-francoise lights a hangover cigarette from his spot in the bathtub. "amONdah, what eeees thees thing we are calling LIFE" and i answer "jean-francoise, do not ash in the toilet, i get you an ashtray"