Disclaimer: don't own mcr. don't own cursive (think of The Recluse while reading ^_^) i own. my car and if you want it, it's got 142,890 miles on it. Enjoy!

It's been four months since Frank left me. He said he couldn't take my ever changing personalities. He said he never knew who I really was. The truth is, I don't even know. I'm whoever they make me out to be. At least Frank made me out as a descent human being. He doesn't even look at me now. He only looks at her. The new form on the bed where my intent can still be seen on his black sheets. The one he jammed into his little black heart. The one who stole the world from under me. It hurts to know that you aren't loved anymore. I'm not even liked anymore.

All I ever wanted, was to be something they wanted. Ultimately, I frightened away the only person that mattered. The label wanted this image...this person that I would become on stage. Dominant, sexual, abusive, angry, and rebellious. A dictator for the ones that related to the messages we believed in. They demanded to be commanded. I pretended to be this person. It's not me. It's not Gerard Way. That's someone else in my skin. That's someone else singing my songs, and wearing my makeup. I wish someone would hang me by my toenails, and bleed me dry.

I miss my sketch pad and paints. I miss daylight. I miss Jersey. I miss the sky dive that happens to be called love. I miss Frank. I miss whatI used to be. I miss my basement room. I miss the way you would sneak through me window. I miss flowers, ocean, daylight, night drives, drive-in-movies, diners, comic stores, thesmellof your neck. I miss...life. Frank was my whole life. There was a time before him, but I never lived until I met him. Now, I feellike I'm watching an old zombieflick, only I'm the star.Thefans see it, and the band knows it. you only see this person you've managed to squeeze in that space whereI once was.

Last night around ten, I woke up and poured a bowl of cereal. In the kitchen booth, I saw movement outside in the rain soaked landscape. The same form that slept on your bed, and darkened my doorways, now stood outside with a suitcase ather feet. You were both soaking wet. I could see you waving your hands and shouting as an old blue car pulled up. You tried to hold ontoher, but she violently pushed you away. She threw her suitcase into the trunk, and got into the car. She kissed the driver, and was gone into the night.

Once the tail lights faded, you slumped down into the puddles to weep for your little tattered heart. I munched my cereal. I had to make an executive decision here. Should I save the boy of my dreams from tomment; or should I reap the bitter rewards that revenge has lain at my feet? Dipping my spoon into my bowl, I got up and opened the door.

It was still pouring as I walked out to Frank. Frank was so close to the ground, his hair dipped in the mud. He didn't hear my approach, as I slid coat over his shoulders. He stiffened at the sudden touch, and then realized who it was. He looked up at me. Oh god, he hasn't looked at me in so long...I came down to him, and cuddled him into my arms. I am not sad she is gone, but Ican already see that she stole something precious. She stole his last hope of falling in love.

I picked out his pajammas for him, and towel dried his hair. With my fingers still entwined with the black threads, I told him that if he had no hope left, then I will give him every hope I had. He sat dumbfounded for a minute or so, before he grabbed me hands and pulled me down to his face. He asked which Gerard I was. I told him that I'm all of them rolled together, so that there is only oneGerard. There is only one left. The one that was completely in love with Frank. He looked at me then, like the first time I've ever laid eyes on him. Cupping my cheek he kissed me with the intensity of the thousands of kisses in the past. I climbed into bed with him that night, and for the first time in a long time, I fell asleep to the lullaby of his heart beat.