Disclaimer: Don't know, don't own, don't sue.

Note: Okay, this story is really only the first part of this bigger story I'm writing about all the members of MCR. But since there is a two month limit, I'm just putting in the first part as a finished effort. All the references and the facts are true to the Elizabethan time period. It is also a historical fiction, in a way.

Chapter 1: To Prevent Further Unrest

Tap tap tap....

Huh?

Instantly roused from my slumber, I looked up at my window. Could it be? No, it could not. The night air was frigid, and the wind was howling like wolf's call to the full moon. But sure enough, there were the pebbles, hitting the glass of my window. How did he dare do this?

Pulling my blanket over my shoulders, I rose and tip-toed over to the opening and parted the glass doors. I looked down. It was truly him, gazing at me, smiling, teeth chattering. With a look of mock irritation, I beckoned him towards me and stepped back as he climbed the tree up to my level and leaped through the opening of my window, landing on the floor of my chamber with a slight thud.

"Shhh!" I hissed, glancing at the door behind me. If Lady Margaret caught us, oh, it was disorderly enough to be out of bed at this hour, let alone having a gentlemen in my bedchamber.

But I forgot all my worries as soon as I saw the thin, pale figure of Gerard Way straighten up and gaze at me, his teeth still chattering. Realizing he was freezing and all I was wearing was my shift, I strode quickly over to the hooks by my bed, put on my black dressing gown, and handed him the blanket I had been wearing.

"My gratitude," said Gerard, accepting the blanket as he closed the window.

Now it is probably your curiosity as to who he is. He is Lord Gerard Way, my partner, my love, my best friend and fellow outcast. He was a tall, pale, thin man with long, black hair and a clean-shaven face that was a joke amongst the gentry of the English Court, as beardswere the fashion. But then again, Gerard was not one to follow any fashion, which was one of the things that brought us together. We were both the strange people of the Court, stubborn in our style to dress almost all in black constantly, and never wearing gold jewelry, just silver. But it were our unorthodox beliefs and rebellious natures that truly made us different. True, if we were not nobly born in the modern Elizabethan Age, we would probably be burned for witchcraft and heresy. But no matter, we got lucky, thanks be to God.

To the other noblewomen of Elizabeth's Court, Gerard was probably the least desirable of all the gentlemen of Chancellor Cecil's household. Being ill-favored and plain, the only compensation was his wealth and property. Although for me, it was a similar story, except instead of money, I had titles and an influential family that would gain power for any man that married me (my grandmother was Katherine Ashley, the Queen's old governess and surrogate mother). Gerard and I grew up together, having our family's main estates in short distance from each other, spending our childhoods in Sussex. I'd known him my whole life. We loved each other from day one.

And, what made everything so perfect were our futures. We had been betrothed for six years. Our parents saw it as a favorable match, combining the Way's wealth with our own family's titles and heritage. Our actual wedding was to be in a year, when Gerard was sixteen and I fifteen. It was not too long a wait, as long as our families did not break it off (as was common in marriage negotiations).

We both sat down on my bed, I was careful to keep a modest amount of space between us. As scandalous as it was for him to be in my chamber, I did not want to make it worse by being too close.

"Why have you come, Lord Way?" I asked in a fake, modest tone that was so different than the one we used when we were completely alone together.

"Olivia, why are you keeping up this folly, we are not in public!" Gerard said, sounding slightly worried. "The walls have ears, My Lord, and you still have not answered my question." I said, my lip curling. Never once have I failed to smile around Gerard.

He looked relieved. "To protect you from the vampires, of course, and to bring you news."

I sighed happily. When we were children, I used to think my family estate was haunted by vampires, night-walking fiends that drank human blood. Gerard had said he would wait outside my window every night with his toy sword and kill any vampires who tried to hurt me. It was a childhood fantasy, seeming a lot more distant than its 7 years ago. But it brought back many happy memories of a happy childhood in Sussex, living so close to where Gerard and his sister, Catherine, lived with their governess. But this was no time for reminiscence, so I brought myself out of that cheerful state of mind and back to the present.

I looked at him seriously, had his parents reconsidered our negotiations? Trying not to sound too alarmed, I replied, "What is it you wish to tell me, My Lord?"

The next thing I knew, I was rapped in his arms as he spun me around the room. So much for modesty.

"It's coming a year early," said Gerard, finally setting me back, rather unsteadily, on my feet.

"What?!" I said sharply, forgetting my wish to reprimand him for his impropriety. I grabbed his hand, sat back down on the bed, and yanked him down with me. He landed flat on his back, staring up at me, smiling in a rather crazed fashion. I leaned over and peered at him closely. Was he drunk?

"This afternoon, I heard from a friend that both our fathers had been summoned by Her Majesty and Chancellor Cecil to discuss our betrothal, and that they had arrived today, and were conducting their meeting. Naturally, I was worried that the negotiations might fall apart after all. So I ordered my servant to switch outfits with me so I could eavesdrop on the conversation. I entered the privy chamber, disguised as a wine server. No one recognized me," he assured me, reading my surprised face correctly, "Anyways, during the meeting, the Queen began to speak about the recent plot to overthrow her by Queen Mary of Scotland. At first I was clueless as to why she was bringing this up, but then she mentioned the unrest it had caused. The Catholic Englishmen were worried that because of the plot, they would not be able to practice our faith, and that those with Scottish origins would be prosecuted. She said she had no intention of breaking her vow of tolerance, and that she needed to prove that so that there was no more unrest. She had realized that the best way to prove religious unity in England, was to display a public union of different-faith families."

I could see where this was going. Gerard's father was originally a Scotsman, but had been relocated to England shortly after the death of King Edward. After that he had married an Italian baroness, Gerard's mother, Lady Elizabeth. Both were devout Catholics. My family was English on all sides, and were of the Church of England. The Queen wanted to make an example of us to prevent any more rebellion plots.

"Say no more," I told him, stroking his cheek as I hovered over him, playing with his long black hair. "When is it to be?"

"Well, Her Majesty knew our parents would not decline a request from their monarch, so she had been planning things for months before she told them. We are to be wed in exactly three months at Greenwich Palace."

This explained a lot of strange events that had gone on the last few months. Silkwomen coming in to fit me for a new banquet gown 'by the request of your lady mother', the untimely arrival of Chancellor Cecil and his court, the other maids of honor saying things to me like "have you recently been in the company of Lord Way?"

"I cannot believe it. Are you sure? Three months? That is not much notice." I was worried.

Gerard sat up, took my hand in his, and nibbled on my finger. I giggled from the tickling sensation that ran through me every time he did this. This was enough assurance. After sucking on my fingers for a few seconds, Gerard got up from my bed, walked over to my dressing table, and grabbed my silver brush. I smiled, this was something we did whenever we were together. Gerard would always have a brush with him so he could run it through my waist-length black sheet of what he called my 'angel's mane.' We'd sit somewhere, he'd brush my hair and we would talk. It drove my maids insane whenever I'd come back to my chambers, hair loose upon my shoulders after they spent a good part of the morning fixing it up.

I was passionate about my hair, or, more to the point, having it brushed by Gerard. But I did. It was so different from the strands of the other ladies, their hair wavy and yellow, hidden modestly under a snood or coif. My hair was a striking black, long, curly, with odd purple highlights. And while I didn't wear it loose upon my shoulders in the style of the late Anne Boleyn (many whispered that I looked strikingly like her, and that it meant I was cursed), I didn't hide it. I usually had it put up in the back of my head with a decorative comb, with a couple of locks loose, curling around my neck. Despite the style's look of simplicity, my hair was so abundant and long that it took an hour to create.

Gerard surprised me by walking over to his knapsack and unzipping it instead of sitting with me to brush my hair. I watched as he withdrew a rectangular mahogany box and brought it over to me.

"For you to bind your angel's mane like we are bound together in love," he said passionately, opening the box.

My eyes widened at the sight. Inside was the most lovely ornament I had seen in my life.

It was sterling silver, in the shape of a rose, the petals were white opal, the leaf of the stem a deep emerald, on the stem, set upon the teeth of the clip, there was a tiny inscription in red enamel that read, 'life is a dream for the dead, and a thought away from you is a nightmare.'

Taking my speechlessness as a good sign, he closed the box and said in a tactful way. "Now, I am going to leave this by your door so your handmaid will think it was delivered, wear it today when your mother tells you. If anyone asks, it was token sent by a gentleman who is courting you. The dawn is due in a few hours, so I will take my leave soon. But before I do, we have some unfinished business."

I opened my mouth to inquire as to what this business was, but before I could make a sound, he held his finger to my lips, and then abruptly opening my chamber door and placing the box outside.

He came back and said, "Now, before I go, I was wondering if you wouldn't mind brushing my hair."

I laughed, patted the space beside me for him to sit. He sat, handed me the brush, and I began to tend to his own considerably long hair. Unlike the other occasions when he brushed my hair and we conversed, this time we were both completely silent. We just sat there in a calm state of mind, pondering our futures, asking to each other wordless questions, reading each other's thoughts as the sky started to lighten.

When the dawn started to rear its striking head, Gerard turned to face me. "It seems, my lady, that the sun is casting its first rays."

I was quiet for a second, disappointed that our peace had been broken. Then I spoke. "You should probably be leaving before they discover us."

"I trust the Vampires cannot get you now, so I will leave you with this." And with that, he kissed me. It lasted long, but at the same time not long enough. The second we parted, Gerard grabbed his knapsack, flung open the window, and disappeared.

I spent the next few hours lying in bed, fantasizing about my life with Gerard, thinking about what it would be like to married, and reflecting on our meeting until my handmaid entered to wake me.

Chapter 2: An Orderly Affair

"Oh Miss! What is going on?"

I looked up into the bewildered face of Bessie, my maid, as she hovered over me, peering at my serene face, and greeted her with the intelligent greeting of, "Hmm?"

"Why on God's earth is the window open? Why is your brush in your bed, and why are you wearing your dressing gown?"

I groaned, I had forgotten to close the window after Gerard had left. How could I be so foolish? Struggling for an explanation, I sat up and rubbed my eyes. Bessie clicked her tongue, impatient for an answer.

"I-I felt a little warm last night, so I opened the window a crack to let some air in. I forgot to take my robe off, I guess. And before I got back to sleep, I decided to brush my hair, so I guess I left that, too."

Bessie looked at me suspiciously for a few seconds, not convinced. She was no fool, but she was my servant, and had no choice but to except my explanation.

Turning from her suspicious motherly manner and back into the happy gossip I knew and loved, she sighed, pulled me out of bed by my arms and removed my robe.

"This will have to becleaned, Miss, looks like it's been splattered with some of last night's rain," she said, pointing to the muddy stains. Was it raining last night? I had not noticed.

"I suppose," I replied, feigning interest. I knew she was just using this as an excuse to dress me in something else, she loved dressing me up.

"But let's not let that spoil a day starting so nicely," she hinted at me as she helped me into my other dressing gown, my cue to ask her.

"And what, pray tell, makes this day any nicer than the others?" I asked, already knowing the answer.

Bessie smiled slyly at me, pulled the mahogany box from her apron, and opened it. "Someone left this by your door last night."

I took the exquisite comb out of the box, complemented it, and set it back reluctantly. Bessie put it on my dressing table and pulled out fresh linen from my dresser while servants came in with basins full of water. Another thing that sets me apart from the other members of the court is that while they only take baths every month or so, I bathe myself everyday. I could not stand it if I smelled the way they do, giving of the sour odor of bodily fluids.

Bessie helped me out of my shift and I washed myself thoroughly with a coarse linen cloth and soap. When I was finished, dried myself and put on my clean linen, stockings, and petticoat. Then Bessie sat me at me dressing table and started brushing my long hair when Lady Margaret arrived. Lady Margaret is my governess, an old, stern woman with an insultingly authoritative attitude. I despised her, and all my life waited for when I get married and be rid of her, no longer in need of a governess.

She strode in purposely, though what her purpose in life is, I have yet to find out, and looked down at me sternly as Bessie brushed my hair. Without as much as a 'good morning' she sniffed and said, "Well, I see you are taking you time again this morning, Olivia. Do hurry though, today is very important."

She said that every day, but this time I knew she was right. Of course, I could not let her know that, so I gave her my usual response. "Good Morning, Lady Margaret. What is the rush today? Any funerals to attend?"

Once again she sniffed, gave me a triumphant look, and said, "Today happens to be especially important. Your parents are at court to discuss your betrothal to Young Lord Way. There is going to be a formal audience with the family of your betrothed, graciously being overseen by Her Majesty. You are to look your best, so I am having Bessie spend some extra time making you presentable, so you will have to skip breakfast." She said this right after telling me to hurry up. The stupid woman.

"And why is Queen Elizabeth overseeing this meeting?" I asked, an eyebrow raised.

"Do not do that, it is quite unattractive, and you are odd-looking enough."

Oh! How I despised this woman!

"For your information, Her Majesty is interested due to the delicacy of the religious complications of this marriage. So be on your best behavior. Do not speak, do not move, do not breathe too deeply, and whatever you do, DO NOT raise your eyebrow!" Lady Margaret reacted to the quirk in an outrage. Then she instilled her punishment.

"Bessie, make sure the Lady is wearing her whalebone corset," she said as she walked out of the room in a pleased manner. Once the door closed behind her, I made violent motions towards the door and screamed. Last time I wore that corset, I passed out due to lack of breath.

"Don't worry, Miss, I won't lace it tightly. You must not let that old bat spoil your day. I will do your hair up with this lovely comb you got, and you will also see Lord Way today at the meeting, Your Ladyship must be looking forward to that," said Bessie, looking at me knowingly. What would I do without Bessie? After Gerard and Catherine, she was the person dearest to my heart, closer to me then my own mother, who I rarely saw. I smiled at her. She knew everything. In my fourteenyears of living, I had learned much more from her than from the disgusting Lady Margaret.

Once she was finished with my hair, which looked heavenly in my new comb, the opal standing out strikingly from the mass of black curls, she opened my wardrobe and took out my gowns, laying them down on my bed. I looked at them and smirked. Not thinking twice, I picked the one Lady Margaret hated most, the one that when Gerard first saw me in it, he had to remove himself from my presence to avoid embarrassment, my favorite. Black silk with a low bodice and mid-length sleeves that ended in long white lace and a dark green satin trim and petticoat.Let us see the impression I make with this.

I walked down the halls to the Privy Chamber, escorted by my mother, father, and a young page hours later. Despite Bessie's best efforts, I still had trouble breathing against the rigid corset, but I could stay conscious, at least. We were announced by the guards and were let in. As a Maid of Honor to the Queen, I had entered The Privy Chamber before, but always there to serve Her Majesty and keep out of sight. It was a tedious job, but it was different now. Now I was a guest.

Unfortunately, before anything happened, I had to kneel three times in respect of Queen Elizabeth, who was sitting rigidly in a large wooden chair. I could not look around until I was raised up, so I hadn't yet caught a glimpse of anyone but the Queen and Chancellor Cecil.

When we rose, we were directed to sit at the table of the Queen. Lord Way and my father next to Her Majesty and the Chancellor, LadyWay and my mother at their sides, and Gerard and I at the end, the least of importance. That was fine with me, this way I could sit across from Gerard and we could stare at each other all we wanted. Sitting down, seeing him for the first time since our last meeting, I quickly disobeyed Lady Margaret and raised my eyebrow in greeting.

The Council went on for hours, and was extremely boring. I had absolutely nothing to do. As the bride, Iwas merely a vessel, no say in anything, no choices or ideas, as if I were an animal. Gerard, on the other hand, had some say in the negotiations. This was good and bad in different ways. The latter being the petty fact I did not receive all of his attention that afternoon when he was speaking. The good beingwe had some say and could avoid any strings or catches. Anyone looking at this situation would think I had no thoughts on this matter and had no power. But while Gerard was the poetic, romantic, protective one, I was the worldly one, the intellectual, the scholar. I told him what to say, what to have done, so our inheritance was secure and we were not at the mercy of our families. In this case, he was the vessel. And he followed my instructions to the last word.

The time Gerard was not caught up in negotiations, we just stared at each other. Silently laughing about the night before, sharing a secret. I made a point to sneeze into my handkerchief, bowing my head so he could see the comb. He looked at me intensely upon sight of it and grinned like a sick puppy for several minutes. Bessie was right, seeing him really did make up for the corset.

Finally, the end came, and we signed the contract, sealing our marriage, our inheritance, and our future. When it was done we were escorted to the Great Hall for the evening meal. I had not eaten all day and was ravenous. But there were more important things to do. I ate as much as I could, as quickly as I could, before staring pointedly at Gerard and raising my eyebrow as a signal. He nodded, and I excused myself.

Sneaking away to meet one's sweetheart is common in court. The problem was that the others had their minds so focused on their own lust that they could not think of any place to hide other than the cupboards or stables. Gerard and I have been sneaking away to the same place for four years without ever getting caught; the graveyard mausoleums.

As quickly as I could, I hurried outside in the direction of the graveyard. Noting that the guards sawme, I gathered some flowers from the garden beds, giving the impression that I was going to mourn. Once behind the gates, I made my way to the tomb of EdmundHoward, and entered. Sitting atop the stone casket was my futurehusband.

His face split into a smile when he saw me, but before he could open his mouth, I gasped, flung myself face down next where he was sitting, and said, " Unlace me, for God's sake, I cannot breathe!"

Thoroughly bewildered, Gerard undid the knots, pulling out the ties that bound me, removed my hooks, and finally undid my corset. Gasping for breath, I pulled off my gown, kirtle, petticoats, padding, and finally the hateful corset until all I wore was my shift, linen, and slip. It took me a while to recover before I could speak.

"I am deeply sorry, but I just could not take it anymore, another second and I would have started to cough up blood!"

Gerard was too busy picking up my garments and looking at them distastefully. "This is what you wear every day? No wonder you all pass out during dinner! You look so much smaller with all this stuff off of you! Why did you do this to yourself?!"

I looked at him angrily. "I didn't. Lady Margaret ordered I wear that thing. I don't have a choice, if I don't wear every layer, I'm branded a harlot. Just because you men have it easy does not mean we get it so easy."

"Easy? Ever wear a suit of chain mail? Full armor? It's the same bloody thing!"

I looked at him, he had never cursed in front of me before. "Yeah, but we have to wear this full-time. Besides you haven't worn armor in two years. And don't you ever say such an awful thing again."

He looked embarrassed. "I am sorry for my foul mouth, My Lady."

"That's quite all right. I say the same fucking things when you're not around," I replied, grinning when I saw the shock envelope his features. Soon the shock became a mischievous smile.

I was a little worried. "What?"

"You are going to pay for that, you little hypocrite," Gerard replied, carefully removing the comb he gave me from my hair, throwing it in the pile of clothes, and grabbing me, lifting me up and beginning to carry me out of the tomb.

I squirmed, but he held me tight. "What are you doing?" I asked, my now-loose hair flying in my face. What was happening? What was he doing? Then I saw where he was headed and I raised my voice. "Gerard, you better not! If anyone sees me like that we will be found! Please! Stop! It is disgusting and cruel what you are doing! Stop, for the love of God, stop!"

"I thought, since it was a nice evening, and later it is going to rain so you can explain," he said over me, smiling wickedly, "And you are so properly attired, we'd have a nice little swim!" And with that, he dumped me into the pond.

I hit the water with a huge splash that instantly brought me into extreme cold. I was freezing all over. I looked up at Gerard angrily as he laughed at me and spat out a mouthful of water.

"Oh! Gerard Way! I am going to kill you!" I screamed at him, shivering.

"Don't worry, I will rescue you!" Then he ripped off his shirt, doublet, hose, and breeches and jumped in wearing nothing but his leggings and undershirt.

With another splash, he was next to me in the water.

"Don't worry, Olivia, just swim with me," said Gerard calmly.

I don't know why, but I laid down on my back, floating on the water as Gerard carried me, my head back and eyes closed. I was suddenly in a state of intense relaxation, oblivious to everything around me. I just lay there, talking sleepily to Gerard, laughing as the water tickled my ears, feeling the light of the setting sun play upon my eyelids.

Suddenly, there was a rumble of thunder and Gerard grabbed me tightly and carried me out of the water, all the way back to the tomb, I quickly got dressed, having Gerard help me with my ties in back, carrying my comb in one hand, holding his in the other. When we got down to the pond, I was completely soaked to the bone, as was Gerard. But he put on his wet clothing anyways, escorting me back to the Palace.

When I got back, everyone wanted to know why I was so wet. I told them I was walking in the graveyard, near the pond when I passed out because of my corset and Gerard found me and rescued me, and that by time he found me, I was unconscious, so he took me into a tomb to recover, and we walked back. The story satisfied everyone, even convincing Bessie, who fussed over me and spoiled me when I got back.

"Oh, I knew that wretched thing was an awful idea. I don't see why you even needed it, you're skinny enough as it is! I just know you're gonna get sick now. Oh, God, and only three months until your wedding! Well, I'm not taking any risks, I've spoken to your mother, and I'm burning that horrible corset! Whalebones, how ridiculous! And you're staying in bed tomorrow Missy, no arguments! You're not getting ill right before your marriage! Thank Heaven Lord Way was there. To think what would have happened if he had not found you! You're lucky to be marrying such a fine man, don't you forget it!"

So now more good things have come from this.

Chapter 3: A Not-So Orderly Affair

Finally after three days stuck in my chamber, Bessie and Lady Margaret relented and let me return to my regular duties. Which, despite there tediousness, were a nicer alternative to being stuck in bed, not being allowed any visitors. It is just not fair, Gerard returned as soaked as I, and no one made him spend three days in bed, no one put their hands on his forehead every five minutes, no one thought he was sick. I wonder why I was so fussed over and not him, is he really that much stronger just because he's the man and I the woman?

One thing that pleases me, no one told Lady Margaret about the wedding date moving up a year until the day after the council, she was infuriated at being dismissed so abruptly. Now she only has an occupation for another three months! After I get married she will no longer be at court and I will see the last of her. I know it is wrong to delight in other's misfortune, but I cannot help it, she sure delighted in making me wear all that uncomfortable clothing. What is truly amazing is all the planning that had gone on without my noticing. My gown is finished already! It is lovely, black silk with cloth of silver trim and white satin petticoats. Since the wedding is to take place in April, the gown cannot be too heavy, so we ordered in a type of thin silk fabric from Asia that is light as a feather. It feels lovely to wear. The decorations, guest list, menu, and seating arrangement are taken care of, as well as the ceremony procedures and my dowry. The only thing left for me to do is pick out my jewelry to wear and decide on the things I will bring with me when Gerard and I settle in together. That too is already planned, for we inherited two country manors, including the Way's estate in Sussex, and my house in Richmond.

While this is shocking and nerve-racking to me, it is quite the jest to Gerard. All he can say is, "The only thing we have left to plan is what goes on after the ceremony in the bedroom. Tell me, my lady, how is it you would like me to take you? Should I go fast or take my time? And what degree of pressure should I apply? Tell me, should I be on top, or do you prefer to?" Before finally I place my hand over his mouth to silence his dirty words. That, I'm afraid is a great concern for me. Oh, don't get me wrong, I am not afraid of pain or discomfort at all. I know what to expect, thanks to Bessie and her unyielding tongue. I am just worried I might do something stupid, like giggle or instantly have to pee right when he well, is about to start. Worse, what if I get sick or fall asleep? Or what if I get so scared at the last minute that I can't do anything and he turns from me in disgust? He seems so sure of himself, I am certain he has done this before, which alone makes me feel bad, knowing that this won't be special for him since I am not his first.

Other concerns lie not exactly with the night itself, but its possible aftermath. Oh, Lord, I do not want to get pregnant so soon. I'm not ready to be a mother! This just plain awful for me and I am so ashamed I cannot bring myself to tell anyone, not even Bessie. And if I cannot tell anyone, how can they help me? I am being so stupid! I just await my wedding. I just can't dwell on this anymore, so I will put this journal away for a while, hopefully if I bottle up my fears long enough, I will explode and let someone in and they can help me.

Two and a half months later:

Good Lord! I had no idea I could hold all these feeling in for so long, but finally I spilled it all out! It happened finally last night, two nights after the court's move to Greenwich. I had left the Great Hall during dinner with Catherine for a walk. Catherine is Gerard's older sister, and my best friend. She is eighteen, and already married to the second son of the Duke of Norfolk. No one knew why as a higher-ranking lady in waiting had such a close friendship with an unmarried maid of honor, no one, that is, except us. We were two of a kind, only in a sort of reflective way. Her hair was bright white, like an old woman's, her clothes the same, her skin was dark and tanned from spending almost all her time outside on horseback or hunting, whereas I spent my time inside reading, writing, painting, or playing my virginals. While she had a calm, quiet manner with her brother's high voice, I was loud and crazy, with an amazingly deep voice. We were, in a way, polar opposites, but that was exactly why we enjoyed each other, we told each other everything, like the sisters we each never had.

We were talking about the most random things, just chatting amiably, when, as if she had been reading my thoughts for the last two months, said, "So how do you feel about your big night?"

And suddenly, I could not take it anymore. I just let everything out. My worries, my fears, all of it just poured out of me until I felt empty. She took my hand in hers and just listened and assured me. When I was finished, she sat me down and hugged my head to her chest and told me everything would be all right, like a mother comforting her wounded toddler. When I mentioned the fact that Gerard was probably not a virgin, she laughed out loud.

"Gerard, not a virgin?! HAH! He came to me the other day with the same fears and questions, do not worry, he is just as worried as you are. Besides, with the way he loves you, do you really think he'd go off and nail someone else? Knowing him, he would want you to be his first."

"And I do."

Catherine and I looked up quickly. Gerard stood over where we sat, gazing down at me with misty eyes.

Catherine got up quickly, almost knocking me over. "I'll just leave you two alone."

Once she was out of sight, Gerard held out his hand and helped me up. We walked together in silence for a long while, hand in hand. Finally, he turned to me and said, "Come with me."

I followed him down an old, abandoned part of the palace that was practically in a ruin. We came up to a wall with a hole in it. Gerard Climbed through the crevice and motioned for me to follow. I hesitated for a second. What was he doing? But I swallowed my fears and climbed through after him. I had entered a dark room, musty and dirty. In it were several pieces of furniture, covered in ghostly white sheets, the walls were covered in red velvet tapestries, across from me was a large mirror. Feeling slightly apprehensive, I squinted around, looking for Gerard, when suddenly, hand covered my mouth, stifling my screams.

I looked behind over my shoulder at a grinning Gerard. Feeling better, I calmed, and brushed his hand from my face.

"Don't ever do that again," I said angrily.

"Sorry," said he, his lip pouting. He looked at me for a second before saying, "You don't have to worry. Just trust me, can you do that? Can you trust me? I'm going to do something rather strange, but I won't hurt you, I promise."

I nodded.

"Are you sure?"

I nodded again, not sure what to expect.

"Strip down to your linen."

It sure was not that. I hesitated for a second, but then met his gaze, which repeated the question of "do you trust me?'

Slowly, I fumbled with the back of my gown, undoing the laces and slipping out of it, then undid my corset and removed my petticoats and underskirt. As I undressed, I looked over and saw Gerard removing his clothing as well. Feeling a bit nervous, I finally removed my shift until all I was wearing were my body linen, chemise, and stockings.

I stood there and watched as Gerard removed everything until all he wore were his leggings. He then walked over to me, and held me to his chest so I could hear his heart beating. I was just beginning to relax when I felt his fingers start to unlace the rest of my undergarments. I stepped back.

"Tell me, what are you doing? Now, no more secrets."

He looked at me. "I am going to explore your body."

So that was that. He didn't intend to wait until our wedding night, he was going to settle this now. He reached out and grabbed me, pulling me close to him once again and stepping in front of the large mirror. Slowly and nervously, he undid the rest of my hooks and lacings until I was naked before him. After gazing at me for a moment, he reached down to undo his leggings. I stopped him.

"May I?"

He nodded. A little less nervous now that I had nothing left to hide, I bent down and unbuttoned his pants as he grew hard. Once they were unbuttoned I slipped them down around his hips to his ankles and came back up as he impatiently kicked them off. Now breathing deeply, Gerard pulled me upwards as he bent down, kissing my skin as he went, leaving tingles going down my body. Before I knew it, Gerard was between my legs, licking and kissing her crotch, then finally sticking his tongue into me.

I squeezed my eyes shut, expecting to feel discomfort, but only feeling the most pleasurable sensation I had ever experienced. I let out a cry of ecstasy, to which he looked up at me, smiling. I smiled back and he came up to kiss me passionately. I moaned as our lips pushed together and his tongue entered my mouth. We tasted each other for several minutes, parting only so often as we needed breath.

When we finally parted, I leaned up against the wall, panting to catch my breath, when Gerard seized me roughly and threw me onto a piece of covered furniture. Before I could say a word, he fell on top of me and started kissing my neck. I closed my eyes in pleasure and uttered a soft moan. It was then that he looked at me closely. "Are you ready?"

I nodded impatiently, wanting to finally be rid of my fears and anticipation.

He entered me slowly at first, and withdrawing instantly, but then started plunging into me hard and fast. I started to feel a twinge of pain, then finally felt a sharp jab that felt like it was cutting into me, and I started to bleed. Gerard withdrew quickly, and lay down next to me, cupping my face and kissing me as bled and whimpered in pain. I waited until it stopped before looking at him and saying, "go again."

"Are you sure?" He asked doubtfully.

I nodded. He lay on top of me, working himself until he was hard again, and restarted.

This time, he went deeper and faster, breathing heavily. This time I felt no pain, just pleasure, better then anything, even then what had happened before. I cried out in approval, and started to meet his every thrust, feeling on the brink of release. Then he stopped and looked at me, smiling. I felt angry. Here I was, just about to let go, and he stops!

I looked at him. "Why did you stop?"

"I want to know exactly what you want."

What was wrong with him? Was it that hard to figure it out?

"You know what I want," I said impatiently, trying the push myself onto him. But he pulled away.

"I need to hear you say it," he said seriously.

Ready to explode, I said , "I want you in me. Now."

Gerard nodded and plunged in for the third time, working deeper and deeper. Finally I came, right at the same point as he. Finally after feeling him run through me, I felt him soften and he slid out.

"Good God, Olivia, God." Gerard gasped, collapsing next to me, "Thank you."

I smiled at him and stroked his hair. "You're welcome."

We lay there for a long while, just looking at each other, marveling over what we had done before finally getting up and putting on our clothing. We departed the room with a kiss, and I ran back to the palace to my apartments. Bessie suspects something, I can tell. But she says nothing, just looks at me accusingly. Normally when she looks at me like that I feel guilty, but the thing is, I don't. I feel I have done nothing wrong in losing my virginity. I was going to lose it in two weeks anyway.

Chapter 4: By Candlelight

Despite the fact I put this ink down on this paper to record these words and thoughts in my journal; my attention is not on this precious recording. Instead my attention is on the precious figure lying next to me. The beauty of this man is just breath-taking. How could any lady find him plain? Gerard lies on his back, curled against the pillows in a graceful arc. The blankets meet his waist. His chest is pale and muscular, as are his long arms. The rosy lights of the candles illuminate his smooth skin. His lovely, delicate face is pulled into a happy, content look that touches my heart. I may have loved him before, but I have never watched him sleep. So I sit here, my knees bent up against my chest, covered in a white sheet. And just observe and describe the things around me.

Today was my wedding. It was quite strange. I cannot really recall any details, it was all a blur. I just remember walking, kneeling making vows, standing for hours, then kneeling again, the walking some more, then sitting down and eating for a while. Everything just whirled around me, confining me to this tornado of events. Finally, after this long day, I have landed naked in a bed with my new husband.

Husband. It is a strange word. After years of wanting and anticipating this event, I don't quite know how to react to it. I've always knew Gerard was my future husband, but now all certainty has been erased, along with the first word of the title I gave him six years ago. It seems now that the future is here, it is gone. So what do I have left? Children? Motherhood? What will I do? I can only have so many babies. What will I do with my self when I am not taking care of a child? God has given me so many resources, yet the society I live in refuses to let me make use of them. What did I do with my time before now? Write? Study? How much can I learn until my head aches and my mind cannot contain anything else? This is all I know; we will live in Sussex ... That is it. The Queen bestowed us with many titles and property, but she left out what we are to do with them. I could not stand being useless! I want to do something with my life! Travel, meet people, and experience new things! But there is only so much time I have to do this, if I can at all. My chances at truly having an interesting life are lessened, especially since I am a woman. I wish I could live as long as I like, watch humanity evolve, see everything as it happens, experience things that will be history a thousand years from now, no restrictions, no rules. I want to be someone and I want to be someone who is remembered.

Sometimes I think again of the vampire. I wish I were one. To have their immortal life, experience things far into the future, take a lasting part in this earth as it matures. Doing whatever I want, no rules. I truly believe that if that were possible, I would truly have a happy life, choosing when I die, choosing how I live, taking part in this world as it moves forward and reforms.

6 Months Later

I have not written in so long. But what is there to write. We're here, we' re married, and we've done absolutely nothing. This is basically my schedule: I wake up, say my prayers, attend mass, go to breakfast, spend time with Gerard, then lunch, do some other rubbish for a few hours, oversee the servants, go to dinner, lay out my outfit for the next morning, say my prayers go to bed.

I was ready to kill myself. At least when I was worried I would lose Gerard I had something to preoccupy my mind with. But there was nothing afterwards. But now there is. My breasts are killing me, I have morning sickness, my hair and nails are ridiculously thick, and I am ten days late.

I am pregnant.

I decided that since I want to tell you everything, I had to tell Gerard first, for obvious reasons.

I told him tonight at dinner. His reaction was not the overjoyed response he gave me when we heard we were getting married a year early. Instead, he dropped his fork and stared at me for a few million years. This worried me to the point of insanity, was he angry at me? This was not exactly something I could control. Finally, soon after Armageddon, he came to.

"Is it a girl or a boy?"

This was how he responded. Good God, does he know nothing? "I don't know, let me open up my stomach and check," I replied sarcastically. Couldn't he be a little more sensitive? "Seriously, Gerard, we won't know until she or he is born."

Gerard scooted over and put his arm around me. I sighed with relief, it did not seem like he was mad.

"I am going to be a father."

I nodded, "and I a mother."

Gerard buried his head into my shoulder and wept. We sat there, just sitting, thinking, wondering what our child will be like. I am not sure, but I have a sinking suspicion it is a boy. I wonder what I shall call him? If I had lack of diversion, then I do not need to worry myself anymore. That conflict alone is enough to preoccupy me for an eternity. I would hate to think of all the other stuff I will have to worry about.

Chapter 5: The White Face

I wish to give really no details of my wedding. It was long, boring, and ridiculous. I think I might have cracked a rib or two trying my hardest not to break into peals of laughter.

There are some lovely improvements to my life now. No more Lady Margaret! Hurrah! Three Cheers for Sweet Revenge! She left a week ago, cursing me, my family, Gerard, Bessie, Catherine, and all my loved ones. No matter. That stupid superstitious woman thinks she frightens me by trying to brand me with infertility. I scoff at her ridiculous notions.

Also, I have a great deal more of freedom. My vows of obedience say I must only do the things my husband give me permission to do, which in Gerard's case, is everything I could ever want to do. I can dress how I want, speak how I want, spend money as I wish. I also no longer live in the Maid's Quarters. I am no longer the meaningless Lady Olivia Ashley, the girl used as a political reassurance. I am Lady Olivia Way, Marchioness of Pembroke, Baroness of Sudeley, Duchess of Richmond.

I now live in private quarters with Gerard, apartments that befit our station as important members of the Court. Which enables us both to.................................... comfort each other whenever we wish.

We sit together at meals, our finger entwined under the table, shooting each other loving glances when we're not talking to Catherine and her husband.

There is one thing that troubles me, however. And I can speak of this to no one, especially not Gerard. It is something that has been almost ruining my state of perfect happiness. Perhaps I'm just imagining it, but what ever it is, it makes my stomach turn.

Almost every night, during evening meals, I see someone watching me. At first I thought it was just some servant, until I saw his rich dress of black velvet. This man watches me at evening meals, and sometimes I spy him outside when I look out my window at night. He is tall, with fair hair, a straight chin, and piercing violet eyes. But what really gets me is his skin. White as marble, and smooth. Like a polished bone. But more than this are his phantom-like movement. I caught a glance at them one night about a week ago. I was walking with Catherine and a guard outside in the courtyard when I saw him. He immediately noticed, and ran so swiftly I could barely see him, and what I could see, were his limbs, which seemed freakishly long.

It is terrifying. Terrifying and awe-inspiring. What is truly strange is that despite my current discomfort, whenever I see him, I can't help but feel a tremor of attraction to him, a feeling of wonder and awe at his sleek movements and elegant features. That is what truly scares me.

But worst of all was tonight as I sat by the window reading, I saw him. For some reason I was compelled to speak but couldn't. So I just thought in my head who are you, and why don't you speak to me?

And, shockingly, I heard a response in my head, almost like he was whispering in my ear. I am the one who will give you life. But I cannot yet.

In spite of myself, I responded. Why?

Because you are pregnant.

Chapter 6: The Life Is Coming

Looking over my last entry, I surmise that I am just going mad due to my condition. That man did not move oddly, did not speak to me in my head, and did NOT know I was pregnant. This is probably just some fantasy or delirium plaguing me, Bessie says that is common in pregnancies.

My stomach has swelled drastically in the last few months. I look enormous, and feel enormous. It is infuriating not being able to stand up by myself, or go outside, thanks to my confinement. Worse is being so secluded, but still receiving too much attention. I don't like too much attention, and I have never liked being spoiled like I am. People won't leave me alone! They just keep on offering me useless things, not letting me lift a finger or say a word. And every time I ask to be alone, they just say I'm having a mood swing! Right. But is it really that strange that I am enraged when no one will let me use the chamber pot without eighteen different people trying to help? My seclusion began three months ago, and I have no notion on how I will live out one more month. These babies better come quick, or I may go even more mad than I am at the current time.

Oh, yes, and I am having twins. The midwife took one look at my stomach and said, "You'll be having two ones. I pity yer wet nurse."
So do I.

Names, an important matter thankfully remedied prematurely. Gerard and I each picked a name for each gender. My names are Eleanor and John. His are Michael and (God help my children) Petronilla. As soon as he suggested that, I took one look at him and said, "Why do you hate our possible daughter?" I would like to have one of each. A boy and a girl. One to succeed Gerard, and one to succeed me.

A Visit:

"My lady?"

I look up at Bessie from the windowsill where I read aloud the eighth chapter in the book of Exodus to my children as they sit on my lap, the bible between them.

"And the magicians also.... yes Bessie?"

"Mr. Shakespeare has arrived."

I smile at the news, give Eleanor to a maid and Michael to Bessie, "Boo!" He cries happily, "We're reading about Motheth today!"

"Really," she answers, grinning at him"Well, Moses was a great man."

She looks at me, "Mr. Shakespeare is in the East Hall Chamber waiting for you, madam."

"May I go with you, Mother?" Eleanor pleads, she pauses to cough."I promise I'll behave, and I really want to interrogate him on his next play, I did so adore the tale of King Richard III."

I look down on her lovingly, so proud of her precociousness and appreciation for art and literature. She was barely five and was already progressing rapidly in her Latin and Greek. "Of course, darling. Would you like to come, Michael?"

"No," he pouted, "Uncle William is boring and thmelly, I want to make muthic with Boo."

I sigh, "Very well. Come along, Eleanor."

We enter the chamber to see William drinking a goblet of Hippocras. His face lights up when he spots Eleanor, who he declared was the brightest young mind in Christendom and his protege. "Ella! Livy! How is it I have seen you each many a time and still have not become accustomed to both your beauty?"

I roll my eyes as Eleanor blushes. I sit in a chair across from him as Eleanor toddles up on his lap. "Did you bring me anything new to read, Uncle Billy?" She coughs again, I am worried, she's been doing that for a few days.

He laughs. "Yes, matter of fact I have done so. Here is my new play." He withdraws a booklet from the table beside him and hands it to a delighted Eleanor, who promptly grabs it and runs into out of the room to read it.

"Eleanor! Do portray your graciousness to our most benevolent guest" I shout, but it is too late.

I sigh and turn to William. "My deepest gratitude."

William takes my hand in his and says warmly, "You're very welcome, my old friend."

"I sense you're visit is not containing no other purpose than departing manuscripts on my child," I say, concerned.

"Tis' true. I come with news of the queen."

"The Queen?" I say with surprise.

Such matters were not usually of my concern. I dealt with managing business in our lands, settling over disputes of the townspeople, and raising our children, politics was not a subject I indulge in. Especially when it came to the Queen, whose vow of 'tolerance' proved to be limited when she exiled a band of gypsies for being Jewish.

"Yes, she is not well. And the matter of the succession has become quite a crisis."

"I always figured the throne would go to James of Scotland" I mused, "He is the Queen's cousin and closest living relative, after all. He is also a protestant, and him being the King of Scotland would bring unity to the British Isles. Why would any man in his right mind dispute his claims to the throne?"

"The reason is that he is, well, not, er.... Completely reputable in his lifestyle..."

"William, the pope has a mistress."

"Well, see, he doesn't have a mistress."

I stared at him for a second and then burst out laughing.

"That's the reason? He may lose his rightful throne because he's a homosexual? That is no reason, Hell, Richard the Lionhart was a sodomite, and he was French" I said shaking my head. This was ridiculous.

"Olivia, the country is in turmoil, we can't have a king that runs around sodomizing men."

I look around to see Gerard standing in the doorway, his eyes staring at me with a look like he desperately needed to speak to me in private.

"William, you didn't tell us you were coming." He said, shifting his eyes towards William.

"Oh, I only am stopping in. In fact, I think I've stayed too long, I have to be back to Whitehall on the morrow. So I bid thee farewell."

William said hastily. We both rose, I held out my hand. He bowed and kissed it before making his way out, shouting at his steward to prepare his carriage.

I glared at Gerard. "What? Must you be so rude? Lord Shakespeare has shown us nothing but kindness, and this is how you treat him?"

"Never mind that. I have news."

"What?" I said impatiently.

Gerard suddenly ran forward and fell upon me, holding on to me for support, his head on my shoulder. He began to weep.

"What is it?" I asked softly, my arms around him.

"It's Eleanor."

To Be Continued...