Disclaimer: I do not own, know, nor am I in any way affiliated with Gerard Way, Mikey Way, or any of the other members of My Chemical Romance. The same goes for their manager(s) (Brian Schechter, Jerry), and their supposed girlfriends (Alicia Simmons, Jamia Nestor, ''Katmandu'', and Krista). I am simply a fan with a not so simple mind.

Email: ladyvertebrae@aol.com

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Gerard

Why does he have to be so fucking beautiful, so perfect? There's not a single goddamn flaw on his body, not one. His eyes, his smile. Why him, of all people? Why my brother?

We're sitting at opposite ends of the living room, just looking at each other. His stare brought on by boredom, my own by perversion. He reaches over towards a coffee table and retrieves his iPOD, at the same time exposing his hipbones. I can't help imagining what it would feel like to have my own pressed up against them. He takes his focus off of me and watches his own actions intently. I hear my mother's car pull into the driveway and I beckon him outside. "C'mon Mikey."

I watch him as he helps my mother bring the groceries inside. I follow the movement of his calves and biceps, which are clearly outlined by his tight clothing. My mom places her hand on my left shoulder, only then do I realize that I'm just standing there with the bags, not moving. "You okay honey?" she asks sweetly. "Yeah, I'm fine." I say with a smile. Oh God, I'm far from it.

Mikey's asleep. It's only ten-thirty. I don't understand how anyone could fall asleep so early, but that's my brother. He's not like anyone else. I guess that's why I love him. I hit my foot against his CD rack and the sound wakes him up. Fuck. "Gee?" he asks, squinting his eyes to see me in the darkness. "Yeah, sorry, just checking up on you." I say, making excuses. he moves over on his bed and makes room for me. "Can you stay with me tonight?" he asks quietly. I'm wide awake, but I can't refuse his offer. "Sure." I say, getting under the covers with him. He wraps his arms around my waist and falls asleep soon after. I rest my hands on his own and I'm tempted to force them down lower on my body, but I don't. I can feel his penis pressing lightly against my back, and I harden. Incestuous thoughts are clouding my head. I'm not supposed to feel this way about my baby brother. I'm not supposed to watch him while he's asleep, then get off while thinking about him. I'm a sick, sick bastard. And I love it. Mikey

My heart is broken. But I refuse to tell anyone why. I never thought Alicia would have so little a heart to cheat on my. No, she doesn't have a heart, not at all. I gave her the world, everything she could want, but she still fucks around. She doesn't know that I know. And she won't. I'm just going to wait things out, see how long it takes her to fess up. But for now, I'm holding on to my big brother, and somehow that makes things okay. Well, not really. It makes things better. That's it.

I can sense his breathing in my sleep. It's relaxing. I'm so glad he agreed to move back to our parents house with me. Just for a while. Until I feel better about things. About myself. I let go of my worries and pass out on his shoulder...

I wake up with an empty sensation in my arms. Gerard's gone. I slip out of the covers and head towards the bathroom. I open the door wide, forgetting to knock. Gerard's already in there, brushing his teeth. "Sorry." I say with a yawn. He merely shrugs, the toothbrush in his mouth dis-enabling him to speak. I walk over to the toilet and hesitate. I feel uncomfortable with him in here. "Uh, Gee..?" I ask, hoping that he knows what I mean. He rolls his eyes at me and faces the bathroom door, still brushing his teeth. Oh, what the hell? I use the bathroom, brush my own teeth and kiss the back of Gerard's head before going downstairs. My mom's up and running, cooking for my father. As usual. I gently kiss her cheek. "Need any help?" I ask. "No sweetie. Thank you." she says. I turn to leave but her voice stops me. "Alicia called last night. I told her you'd get back to her." Shit. "Thanks." I say before walking out. I reach for the phone and dial Alicia's number. It rings. It rings again. Again. "Hello?" she says, breaking my building tension. "It's Mikey." I say. I don't want to talk to her, but my mom will bitch and moan if I don't. "Hey baby, what's up?" she says. Baby? Slut. "Nothing. What did you want last night?: I ask. Straight to the point. No bullshit. Not anymore. "Just wanted to see how.." she began. "I'm fine." I say, cutting her off coldly. "Well..okay. Talk to you later?" she asks. I don't even answer, I just hang up, at the same time I wipe the tears from my eyes. Gee takes notice, but I run upstairs before he can say something.... Gerard

I knew it. That whore's the reason he's been so fucked up lately. Why didn't he just tell me? I want to go upstairs and check on him. but I'll just let him cool off. I don't wanna make things worse. I walk down to the basement, where my room is located and begin to draw. This relaxes me, more than anything. Aside from being with Mikey. I start to sketch his jawline, deciding that I wanted to draw him again. I finish his cheekbones, his eyes. I shove the print into a drawer when I hear someone coming down the stairs. It's Mikey. He sits in the chair across from me, eyes red and puffy. "You okay?" I ask softly. He nods. "Wanna tell me what happened?" I know what he's going to say, but I want to hear him say it. "It's Ali, she...she cheated." he says sadly. That cunt. "I'm sorry to hear that." I say, placing my hand on his shoulder. Heat races up my spine in small waves as soon as my fingers touch him. Oh God. "What kills me the most is how she can just pretend nothing happened." he says. He puts his head down and a teardrop falls from his cheek. I begin to rub his collarbone. "You don't need her." I say reassuringly. He nods...

He's taking a shower. I can hear the water running through the pipes in my bedroom. I lay back on my bed and imagine the water dripping down his body. His chest, his thighs. I picture myself in there with him, slowly caressing his entire body. Planting small kisses on his lips, his arms. But that will never happen. Because Mikey isn't a sick fuck. Not like me. I shut off the lights and music, then try to get some sleep.